What I Always Knew

What I always knew...I always knew my "mother" was a loose woman. I always knew that she didn't love me. I knew that I was just a thing to be tolerated, a dumb brute animal that she kept out of the goodness of her heart. What I didn't know...I didn't know that the woman I called "mother" orchestrated and participated in my brutal rape.
It was the night that she made me drink a huge cool-aide glass full of Creme -de-mint Liqueur. I was only eight years old. She came home with this liqueur claiming that she didn't want us to grow up ignorant like she did. "My dumb ass nigga' parents didn't teach me shit about life! I don't want yall going out in the world ignut lak I did." She got out the glasses and told us to pour a drink. Just like a child , I poured a huge glassful. I even put ice in mine. Suddenly; "Ya greedy ass nigga' Ni you drink it! Drink every fucking drop!" Of course I was totally obedient to this terrorist. I don't know what happened after that other than I remember this excruciating pain in my tiny eight year old vagina the next day when I woke up. A few days later you put me on a train to visit and meet my father for the first time in my life. Were you mad because my father refused to marry you? Did you want to send him damaged goods? Am I over thinking this? Was this simply a case of primitive animalistic lust? Are you really that selfish? Are you unable to care about another living person? Wild animals in the zoo don't do what you did to me.
I know you don't have any remorse, but do you have any guilt, or just possibly a slight hint of regret?
"If I did anything, it was out of ignorance." you blasted sarcastically. Was that supposed to be a half ass apology?
"You remember too much!"
So it's my fault?
To any one that reads this blog, this is my catharsis, this is my healing. I am sorry if I embarrass you or leave you speechless when I drop the "incest" bomb. Yes, I am an incest survivor and I am telling any and everyone that will listen.
Why? I want the World to know that Jesus Christ is Real! His Love and intercession is awesome. "This Joy I have, the World didn't give it to me and the World can't take it away."
A word of warning and caution to all none believers and scoffers, the devil will make a fool out of you. He will trick you, make you think that you are greater than what you are. The devil will entice you to do things that will make you "shame" one day. The devil doesn't want you to be able to hold your head up. He wants you beaten down with sin and guilt. He is never content with just destroying your life, he wants to destroy you and every one you touch. Satan wants to destroy generations. The evil practiced by one family member can imprison families for generations.
"Happy Father's Day" Jerome Walters. I Praise the Lord for you! Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for loving me and protecting me . Thank you for loving and protecting all of your children, grandchildren. Thank you for living a life worthy of high praise and emulation . Thank you for being a great patriarch, thank you for blazing the trail. If any man needs an example of a great father he need look no further than Jerome Walters (b. July 12, 1894 - d. February 10, 1979)

"Count it all Joy" (James 1:2)

Rachel Doster