It Is What It Is

There is hurt and there is HURT! There is betrayal and there is BETRAYAL! If you care to know I will tell you about the commonest, cruelest, most sadist stealth sociopath the world has ever known. She is so incredibly depraved that it has taken me sixty years to fully comprehend her sick narcissism.

Whoa you nay sayers. "I wouldn't talk about my mother like that." First of all you are making assumptions and you have never heard of any one human being that is as evil and secretive as she is. Not only is she evil, she is brilliant!

There is no doubt in my mind she is a Demon from Hell!

When I go back and connect all of the sick acts and cruelty I feel like the world's biggest idiot. But I do understand that it is all in divine order. Something that was once a head scratching mystery is now crystal clear.

The fact that my mother was so whorish in 1951 that she didn't know who my father was is very unimportant. A lot of women are 'ho's. That doesn't make them cruel or perverted.

Well this nasty woman and her husband used me as a sex toy, so much so that they rendered me a eunuch. I'll forgive her for that. She is human, she is lustful and she may have been that ignorant.

She dressed in fine clothes and minks while dressing her kids out of thrift shops, she fed us grits and grease, while she came home with her t-bone steak bones and laughed at our plight. Beat us like animals and cussed us like dogs. I forgive her for all of that. It must have been hard to be the mother of five or six children and work for GS-5 wages.

She was always committing some sexually deviant act and we just ignored her. Pretended that it was a one time thing. She is a pioneer freak. I am just talking about what I saw. That was o.k. Too bad she wasn't brave enough to come out of the closet and just be the lesbian she always wanted to be.

She tried to prostitute me at fourteen. He didn't succeed and again I forgave her. She said HE was the pervert, not her. I chose to believe her lie and kept on loving her because she is my mother.

I listened to her tell big lie after bigger lie. I watched her transform herself into Madame Watson and work "roots" and I laughed.

She took me out of ballet when the WHITE lady bragged on me, said I was a natural phenom.

She cussed me out when I asked her if I could take piano lessons.

She threw all of my writing away so that I could not win the Langston Hughes Writing contest.

On and on year after year I had to listen to this woman rant and rave. I watched her work "roots" and tell me how she hated my oldest brother/uncle that she claimed ruined her life. I witnessed her try to pistol whip him in front of his new wife. I watched her trick and lie and laugh.

I let her cuss me out, tell me I wasn't shit!

When she mailed me a letter full of her fecal matter in 1988 I was finally finished with her.

Nine years later in 1997 I returned to the scene of my greatest grief and forgave her. She asked me why and I told her it was at the urging of the Holy Spirit and it was.

Well everything was fine, so I thought. She was preaching and saving souls. I called her every Sunday and sent her all kinds of gifts. Everything was fine. I took care of her after two surgeries. I was there, not my brothers. But the devil would not let her have any happiness. The devil opened her vile mouth again and she started that same crap that she pulled on me when I was a three year old toddler. Her brilliant brain started slipping and she began to tell on herself.

Well I have studied the Bible and it doesn't look good for her. She is a hopeless Demon. I do feel sorry for her. Any woman that would shoot their saintly father in the heart and walk away is an incredible creature. She didn't even blink.

I am the only one that will call her out. That does sadden and disappoint me. She doesn't want to talk to me.

She is in deep denial as she should be. Do not feel sorry for her. Her life is her life. It is the life she created for herself.

Thank you Lord for revealing some of the most painful things to me. I just could not wrap my brain around her and that *Con. I just could not believe that she was still "rooting" people. The Bible says that a dog will return to his vomit and she did.

The lesson here is never to fool with "roots", the occult, none of that.

Don't be stupid, listen to Jesus;"From such stay away."

Thank you Lord for forcing me to accept the horrible truth about her.

Children, do not lean to your own understanding and Trust in GOD with all your heart and if you come in contact` with someone like her learn your lesson quickly and RUN!

How long? Not long.

Study your Bible, embrace the Truth, live right.

Be Blessed. "Hold yourself up much as you can."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel