The Word Is Common!

As a small child growing up in Wade, North Carolina I learned that "common" was the worst thing you could call a person without actually cursing. "Common" was the word I often overheard concerning that woman. "Here she come wid her common ass." Yes she was very common, poor thing. Lustful, hot as a fire cracker on the 4Th of July. Beautiful and charming, extremely brilliant, unfortunately just common. It was indeed a shame because common wasn't necessary for Mathy Jane. No one could ever make her understand that.

Did she give up on purity when she was raped at eight years old? Did some vile vulgar man turn on some urges reserved for adults? What happens to a child psychologically "ruined"? Who in fact cares? What did they tell her?
"My daddy just ran the nigga off!"
Do you carry resentment against your father for not killing the nigger?

Did you fracture? split? Are you two , three, or a legion of devils?

When did you discover that you had to hide the real you?

Jesus said:"Know ye the truth and the truth shall set you free!"

Didn't you hear that or read that? You heard it, you just could not believe it.

Christ was good but you said ;"God too slow!" So you bolstered him, re-enforced him with "Hoodoo".

Poor Mathy Jane always a hundred years too late.

Did anyone try to tell you that you were going to be alright? Surely someone told you that you were a child of God and that He was going to bless you in His own time in His own way.

God said you would wax worse and worse and you have. The devil has made a complete monkey out of you. And for cheap too. You did all those horrible things for no money. Why would you murder a eighty-four year old man? Because you are common, common and lazy. You killed him for the same reason that you had me washing YOUR baby's shitty diapers when I was five years old. Common.

Common and caught. Still too common and proud to repent.

Shame on you Mathy Jane. You knew better and did wrong anyway because you think you are so smart. Perfect in your guile for so long I can understand why you thought you would never get caught.

Who would believe any thing so vicious and cruel about their own mother?

As a toddler I knew something that a lot of people didn't know. She was very cruel and sneaky. Mean as a snake. Full of hate, raging with envy and jealousy. Blind to boundaries. There was no where she couldn't go, nothing that she couldn't do. You know the kind that will pinch you bloody under your clothes where no one can see. The kind that will steal and destroy ever little gift or compliment delivered by anyone other than her.

I know now that you always felt like shit so you wanted to make sure that I felt like shit. In that you succeeded. I felt like such a sorry pile of shit that I studied my ass off and graduated from college with honors. For sixty years I have been trying to dig myself out of this miry pit that you put me in. After years and years of futile climbing up and slipping back I discover that it is you. You, my own mother , you have been the worse enemy a person could have stalking them. David had Saul and Absalom and I have my own mother.

It is not like God did not warn us. He told us. Look at your Bible people. Jesus was always casting out demons. Demons do live among us and with us. But they shall proceed no further. Your time is up devil. Give it up. If you are able Repent!

Today I feel like Job. There are some days that I am very melancholy. Today is a hard dark day. This is the anniversary of President JFK's assassination, a good man gone too early. A man that believed in justice. Did the devil win? No, because a lot of good came as a result of his sacrifice.

Jesus sacrificed, shed his innocent blood for us. Did the devil win? No, but he wants us to think so.

My heart is very heavy this morning because I am very weary.

An absolute lunatic gave birth to me June 4, 1951 and has done nothing but torture me ever since. She is a Demon from the lowest depths of Hell. For eighty-five years she has lied, looted, robbed, "rooted" and run rough shod over the world. She is a murderer, a soothsayer, a modern day witch and no one believes me. People either don't believe or they don't care.

A sixty-year nightmare is a life of misery. The worse part is that it is so unnecessary.

Did you turn out to be the most stealth Demon the world has ever known because you were raped? I was raped by you and your husband and I didn't turn out like you.

I HATE YOU!!! I pray every day for the Dear Lord to take this excruciating pain and Hatred away. There are days that it subsides. There are actually days that I laugh and feel very good. Then there are days like today and I feel crushed.

I know that is what you like to hear because you are a closet sadist.

It is rather funny. I am starting to understand. You keep all of your delicious pleasures secret. You love having sex with women. I think women are your favorite. You love ruining children, robbing them of their innocence. But why sabotage? Why did you destroy all of my manuscripts? Why have you stalked me for sixty years trying to destroy me?

Did you want to be me? Did you think the world was too good to me? Robbed! You robbed me from conception. My father could not marry you because you were such a notorious whore. Stop telling people that he ran out on his manly responsibilities. You ran out on your womanly responsibilities.
"As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion" (Proverbs 11:22)

What a sad sorry whore you are. Angry because you had to marry a blind man and a little short man black as an ace of spades, you tortured me and others. You held your whole family hostage and committed nothing but one sick act after another. You know better, that's why you hide it so skillfully.

You are a black hearted witch and I hate your guts. Is that what you want me to feel? Do you feel better now? You are a miserable wretch and you want every one to suffer like you have.

There is a small difference. All of your vile decadence has been your choice. You invent reasons to hate people. Hatred is the only emotion you are capable of feeling.

Well you almost won! I hate your deeds. I will not stoop low enough to hate You! I feel sorry for you and continue to pray for you. God took the hatred out of my heart. Now he is working on the pain. I am rising, I am climbing out of this pit that you dug for me.

You should be rotting in jail now for the life you have lived. For some reason God saw fit to spare you from incarceration. But you did not get over ,you did not escape. You have lived in your own prison. A jail built by your own hands. A prison of wicked lies and sick demented cruelty.

Shame on you Mathy Jane. You didn't have to do it but you did it. I am so ashamed of you it makes me tremble.

May the Dear Lord have mercy on your soul!

Young ladies don't go down that road. Don't let any devil from hell make you common. Never do anything that you would be ashamed to admit that you did.

Trust in God with all of your heart and He will bless you. He will lift you up! God is mighty to save if you will just trust Him.

Be Blessed. "Keep yourself up much as you can."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel