We lamented that creature together.

It seems that I have spent my whole life listening to tales of how "niggas ain't s***". If I could quantify it I am sure that over half of the conversations I shared with my "mother" concerned "low life back stabbing handkerchief head boot licking coons".

Day after day, year after year, every one I know complains about that "creep". That wrong doer, that sneak, that snake. For the life of us no one can understand why every slave rebellion was thwarted by a "snitch". That scared negro that just looked out for himself. Told on Nat Turner, Gabriel Prosser, Denmark Vesey, even John Brown.

The number of slaves compared to the number of oppressors is astounding. Plantation after plantation the whites were outnumbered. Fear and treacherous imps kept the status quo. Jealous, ignorant, no-count, good for nothing imps contributed to and maintained "slavery".

To this day, these ignorant vile creatures slither around seeking whom they shall destroy.

We got angry together I tell you. Frustrated and confused we tried to understand this insidious "racism" together.

"Mother! that cracker made me sit out there in his office for hours. It was terrible. His secretary was embarrassed. When he finally agreed to speak to me he hollered; 'Can you type!?' I told that cracker; 'I wasn't hired to type. I was hired to be your paralegal!"

I mean I was hot. I know I cried. I was so excited, armed with my magna cum laude B.S. degree from North Carolina A and T. I mean I was proud. I took an examination given by the city of Fayetteville, NC. I made the highest score they told me. Every one was delighted. It was 1974 and very few blacks worked in city government. It was hard trying to get ahead and pull yourself up by your own boot straps.

But I did it! I did it! No mama, no daddy. I educated myself. I studied. I kept myself up. I was pretty with a beautiful shape and long luscious hair, but I rarely dated. I could not risk blowing my chances of success, of racial uplift. I was climbing that steep mountain of upward mobility afforded to the down trodden. I studied hard,I was self disciplined, I was a virgin. I was a good girl. "Miss Goody-two-shoes" my mother called me. When I refused to wear cheap shoes for me and only the finest lizard skin for her she renamed me "Miss Rich Bitch".

I still loved her. I looked over her "moments". I prayed and forgave her over and over although she never repented. I thought I was doing the "Christian" thing. That's what she taught us. "Eva body sin!" She would scowl. Press her too hard about her "Casey Anthony" lies and there was going to be some blood shed.

She has never said that she is sorry for one single demonic deed in eighty-five years. If she lied and said that she was sorry for anything, she soon qualified that "sorry" with someone else to blame. What ever she did to you, you were the cause of it. You made her do it.

She is not ever going to say she is sorry simply because she is not! She would just as soon shoot you in the heart as smash a roach. Bishop Eddie Long will never say he is sorry. Madame Watson will never say that she is sorry. Too arrogant, she thinks she's so smart. Someone should tell her that the devil is making a fool out of her.

I was surprised by her reaction when I told her how the City's attorney had treated me. She just laughed (demonically) "Maybe its cause you ain't yalla lak me."

What did "yalla" have to do with me being denied a job I earned, deserved, was over qualified for? I know now that I knew then. I knew she was a snake. I knew when she had her black imp of a husband putting his nasty hands on me that she was behind it. I just couldn't believe. It was too painful, too excruciating, too stupid, too unnecessary.

I didn't have the courage. She was successful in her brainwashing and conditioning. I was black. I was a bastard, I was legally blind. I was lame. I was stupid. No one would ever love me. White people were too racist. Niggers were too treacherous.

She had all the ideas. Just shut up and do what ever she demanded when she demanded it. Then one day the planets lined up. The light came on. The scales fell off of my eyes! It was my MOTHER! My own mother threw me under the bus. She pimped me. She tried to lay me low, but GOD picked me up!

He'll do it for you. He will pick you up too. He will lift you up out of that muck and mire. He will turn all of your tragedies into triumph. Jesus will take your burdens. He will take your shame.

"Know ye the Truth and the Truth will set you Free." "Be what you are and live your life" to the fullest.