"It shall come to pass…"

***Private Notes ***

Friday, May 29, '15

This "stank" whore abused me, us, beyond human endurance, laughed at our affliction and demanded that we keep her secrets because they were too shameful to share, too shocking to believe.

I remember clearly the first time I had nothing but contempt for XXXXXX, her second husband.  Watching her beat him to a bloody pulp, listening to her curse him, mocking his 'hideously black skin', he caved.  He cried.  He begged HER  forgiveness!

I was five years old and I knew better!   Mathy Jane was outraged! Screamed, shouted to the top of her lungs (deliberately disturbing the neighbors) .  Found it incredulous to be accused of infidelity, adultery!  "I don't evan lie to GAWD! Wha'I'mgonna'lie to yo' stanking black ass fuh!?"

Really!?  "Is this dumb mutha********* gon' go for this!? ….dumb ass ******!"

I never liked him.  None of us did.  Martha made sure that the world knew XXXXXX was a pity ****!  Her punishment for being woman enough to have three children out of wedlock.  (The five she flushed did not count)

He was too black! Therefore he had to pay and pay dearly for her high yalla, "light bright damn near white" flesh.   And he did!  Fifty CENT  a week allowance.  (And WE laughed)

We never liked him.  No one was every allowed to like or love anyone Mathy Jane put her mouth on.  Me, especially.  I was a "Goody-two-shoes", a busy body, a run off at the mouth.  According to her I was also a whore, a closet dike, a coset prostitute that "taught school" to hide my real desires.  I was "Mathy Jane".  I would screw your husband, boyfriend, son, brother, maybe your wife or girlfriend.

He tried to be nice.   When she ordered him to beat us with a belt, he closed the door and beat the bed and told us to holler.  We laughed, it was "our little secret".

I know now he was satan's imp.  Mathy was satan's chief imp.  All imps just the same.  If you are still cloaking for her, keeping quiet for her, minding your own business for her, you are an imp too.

'When I was a child, I thought as a child.  When I became a woman, I put away childish things!'