By and By LORD

I was a little kid milling around the church between services. I was always "listening", I always wanted to know what adults were thinking.

"By and by, Lawd" was one of the frequent "over used" phrases. Every thing was going to happen in the "by and by, Lawd". As I grew I came to the understanding that "by and by, Lawd" meant never and it was just something *niggas said to hear their mouth roar.

As I have said *nigga is a very disgusting pejorative term. I didn't invent it. I inherited it. *Nigga was just a name that I was forced to accept. I have never believed that I am a true *nigga, just a human being born into a very unpleasant set of circumstances.

I was born at the bottom of everything. Unwanted, black, female, essentially an orphan. A little street urchin that got bumped up to the middle- middle class when my "mother" married a Sargent in Uncle Sam's Army.

I guess we lived pretty well. The housing and schools on post were always great. Uncle Sam furnished our apartment beautifully. Our apartment looked a lot like the house on "Leave It To Beaver" or "I Love Lucy". My "parents" bought a brand new car every year or every other year whether they needed one or not.

GOD designed a very great plan for us. Marriage is a holy institution that we should honor, it is our Christian duty. "Do things right and in order, don't get the cart in front of the horse"; we have been admonished over and over. It is a part of GOD's covenant.

My "mother" fell out of covenant with GOD, like most people, and has reaped the "benefits" thereof as was foretold by the prophets.

It doesn't matter who you are, what color you are, you have to live right. We will all reap what we sow. That's life, that's the TRUTH!

GOD designed woman to be the nurturer, the healer, the molder. An innocent child is born to a woman to be loved, held and cared for. That child derives its self-esteem, its sense of SELF from that mother.

What if that mother is confused? What if that mother is extraordinarily wicked? What if that mother is perverted and malicious? What if that mother is wayward and demands to have life her way? What if that mother is is clever and deceitful enough to fool her family for eighty-five years?

That's my story, that's my cross. Beleaguered, beaten to a pulp, I will not give up. I will vindicate my grandfather's name! GOD rights every wrong. I will not grow weary in well doing.

What's your story? Has any one wronged you and confused you so long that you have just given up? Caved in, broken and defeated you let go of hope. Has that demon convinced you that she has some power?

The only thing that "thang" ever had over us was age and treachery. Cruel and sneaky beyond imagination.

I must admit I am tired. It is no longer funny, at one time she was a laugh a minute, a hoot, someone you enjoyed being around. Her sheep's clothing did not fall off, it shrank. Day by day, year by year I came to the knowledge that this should not be. It is more than ironic ; she always complained that she didn't have any friends because every one was jealous of her. She IS the one that is extremely jealous. She never got her jealousy under control because she never wanted to.

Warning! If someone tells you that there is a wolf outside of your door waiting to devour you, you better learn to listen. If you are slow and can't trust your puny brain; pray for discernment.

Pray children. As always I am in awe of GOD's Goodness. He sees all, knows all and is in us All.

Be a Blessing and be blessed. "Keep yourself up much as you can." Remember, "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel