A Word From The Lord

"And now a word from the Lord"; is a phrase used in many churches. "Jesus is in the house!", We have many colorful word crafted phrases to indicate that we know the LORD is with us and hears us.

We worship in groups. We are taught that it is wrong to forsake the assembly of GOD. All that is true, but at some point you must get personal, you must get one on one. Have a personal conversation with GOD. If you don't understand something you must ask why.

There is so much that I don't understand.

Out of all the billions of women on this earth GOD why did you make that woman my mother?

What is she LORD? Is she a demon, a lunatic, a misguided reprobate, an alien or just a sick demented fool?

Why does she delight in doing evil and hiding her hand?

Is there more LORD? Has she committed some deeds so depraved that her victims refuse to tell on her?

I pray LORD. I pray daily to forgive her, to not hate her, but I'm still dissatisfied. Why? Why was she born? Why has she been allowed to destroy so many lives so long?

Are there others like her LORD?

I am hurt LORD, I am injured. She has crushed me and done everything in her power to destroy me. Very few people believe me. Is it that they can't believe such evil can exist? Are they afraid to know the truth?

All I know is pain. I can still feel the pain of my awful childhood. Why did she beat, brutalize, and terrorize me in private and play "Mother of the Year" in public? Why are my five brothers still afraid of her?

I know what I know. I know why "we" didn't demand an investigation of my grandfather's murder.

I am ashamed. I am ashamed of my paralyzing fear. I knew she killed him. She snuffed Jerome Walters' life out just like he was a roach. She never blinked.

She knew full well that we were her hapless minions and that we would never cross her. She taught us from birth; "Don't you even THINK back!"

We didn't. We knew that our lives were hers to do as she pleased. Nothing has ever riled her more than an intelligent critical thinker. "You don't tell a muthaf**** thang dat go on in dis house!" was her daily mantra.

Now we are down to the end. Tomorrow marks the 32nd anniversary of my grandfather's MURDER!

How could she? Why would she? How did she get away?

Let's back up. She was already notorious when I arrived on the scene. As I grew I knew that this was not a woman to be "messed" with. Not only was she a pathological liar and brutalizer, she was EVIL!

I watched her. I remember the many times that she screamed with hysterical laughter after fooling her 2nd husband over and over. She took lover after lover and he caught her, time after time. She would curse him and abuse him and call him ignorant and BLACK. She would curse him and beat him and convince him that he had done wrong. "You ignut a**, dumb black muthaf****! I don't know why I put up wid yo' ignut a**!" It might take an hour or so but he would end up on his knees begging HER to forgive him.

She taunted him with her lilly white skin. She made him suffer for lusting after "white meat". He was "jet black", a monkey, an ape and she was mad because he was the only thing she could get to marry her.

The world was wrong. The world didn't give her what it promised. Why couldn't a beautiful young woman like her find a man that was movie star fine and rich?

It was owed to her, it was promised to her. What went wrong? Why couldn't she have illicit unprotected sex with as many lovers as she chose? The men did it; "What about dem men?"

There is one thing for sure, MJW has never played fair. She is a cheater and a robber and to this day feels entitled. Nothing is for you, everything on this earth is for her ONLY!

GOD might give you beauty, GOD might give you brains but MJW was going to design a way to take it away from you. You were to have NOTHING! Not one shred of happiness, if you were successful in any endeavor MJW would find a way to tarnish it.

What did Jerome Walters have? He had a good name. He was a real Christian. He was brilliant, he was kind. He was everything she wasn't. She was tired of him. She was jealous of him. It was her jealousy that made her murder him. She could have poisoned him so easily. He could have passed away gently in his sleep. No, that robber wants his good name.

That explains the "preaching". I asked myself many times; why does this rank reprobate want to preach? Does she really think that she can live a double life? Doesn't she feel like the world's worst hypocrite?

One day I sat down and listed all of the terrible things that she did to me, just me, not what she did to my brothers.

She reviled me and smeared my name. I can not imagine the lies she has spread successfully. They must be good because very few people believe me or support me.

There was only one man she could not fool. He never entertained her madness for one second. He was never afraid of her.

Did she think killing him would erase her awful record?

The hand writing is on the wall Mathy Jane. When are you going to come clean? When are you going to repent of your sins?

"LORD, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked triumph?...They gather themselves together against the soul of the righteous, and condemn the innocent blood. But the LORD is my defence; and my GOD is the rock of my refuge. And he shall bring upon them their own iniquity, and shall cut them off in their own wickedness; yea, the LORD our GOD shall cut them off." (Psalm 94)

Have mercy upon us LORD. Have mercy on your children. Forgive us of our many, many sins. Right every wrong.

Heal my broken heart , dry up my river of tears, take the hate, take the pain. Forgive us all LORD for we know not what we do.

I can not help a blind, deaf miscreant drowning in her own sin. I will just keep telling her what you said; ""even in the last hour you can come into the kingdom."

Stay in His WORD children. Be a Blessing and be blessed. "Keep yourself up much as you can." Remember, "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel