"She MURDERED my granddaddy!"

"Let it GO!!! Gweeeeeeeeeeeeennn! LET IT Goooooooooooo!" my brother screamed.

I was stunned, knocked unconscious on my feet. "Are you crazy?  Have you lost your mind?" I thought.  How can I let it go?  The only person on this earth that ever truly loved me.  The only person that ever advised me correctly.  The only person that ever took time with me.  Taught me to read and extrapolate the Bible.  Taught me to be honest, upright and courageous.  Taught me to "keep myself up." To not be a whore or a prostitute.

I don't know about the rest of you but I truly loved my granddaddy.  His untimely death devastated me.  I cried so that I should have been hospitalized.

I watched that evil monster "Mathy" closely.  Never one tear.  Not one.  She strained out some crocodile tears when his relatives came around.   Offered proof that she wasn't the culprit right away.  "Dey gave me a paraffin test...said they didn't find no gun powder residue."

"The wicked fleeth when no one pursueth."   No one had accused her.  We were all still in shock from the news.  "Granddaddy, Jerome Walters, the holiest most upright man that any of us ever knew...killed himself?"

Then she came in with more proof.  Opened her Bible to "I got my letter..."  "She whur your daddy outlined his sermon in duh Bible!?...I got my letter...I can cross over..."  I looked at the perfectly straight red lines drawn under the scripture.  Granddaddy couldn't draw a straight line if his life depended on it.  I was his "secretary".  I wrote all of his letters for him because his hands shook.  Why would a man that was suicidal be concerned about the scripture, about going to heaven?

"Daddy killed his'sef on the exact anniversary of Junior's death.  Dey both died on duh same day.  Junior was killed wid a .38 revolver on February 10, 1939 and daddy was killed ...I mean he killed his'sef February 10, 1979.  I think duh same pistol killed both of them."

"Daddy didn't know though.  He didn't have no sense.  He didn't even know what day it was." Bi-polar, a confused mind.  One minute granddaddy was smart,  the next minute he was feeble minded.  "He asked ****** to bring dat pistol ova heah 'cause dey had been some burglaries in the neighborhood."

If he was so mentally infirm as you claim, why was he concerned with protecting the house from burglars?  Don't forget I was just there that Thanksgiving.  I witnessed how you mistreated him.  I heard you screaming at him repeatedly; "WHEN YOU GON DIE OLD MAN!!!?"

I was a coward.  The coward you made me.  I did nothing to protect my granddaddy.  He always protected me from you.  I would scream ;"Save me granddaddy! Save me!"  He would come to my rescue every time and he would tell you to "look into your own life."

I'm sorry granddaddy.  I apologize for being a coward.  It may be late in the day, but I'm standing up for you now.  I may be standing alone.  But, I'm standing!

I thought everything.  He took too many Darvon.  I read where Darvon made you suicidal.  I couldn't believe she could ever be that low, that mean and heartless.  I had ample proof and evidence, but still could not bring myself to believe the obvious.  I had seen too much blood growing up in her house.  She would attack you.  Knife, machete, hammer, gun, anything she could get her hands on.  She was famous for her terrible temper and no one ever wanted to rile her.  "Keep dat b**** happy and keep her off your a**!"

We learned early, don't talk back to her.  Don't correct her. Don't look at her hard.  Don't think back.  DON'T TELL ON HER! Go to church every Sunday.  Sit beside her on the front row and don't open "your dumb a**, black a** n***** mouf!"  "Don't ask her for s***!  Don't follow her in the store begging fa' a muthf****** thang!"

"Be glad I let yo' sorry a** live n****! I keep you n***** muthaf******* a** holes open!" was her daily mantra in between praying, cussing, cursing and reading the Bible.

I still couldn't do it.  I knew the horrible things that she had done to me.  I knew many of the horrible things she did to my brothers and others.  I knew how she mistreated my granddaddy.  But, I couldn't do it.  I couldn't face the horrible truth.  It was too hard, too painful.

It was only when I got tired of the excruciating pain that she inflicted that I finally accepted the truth.

"Know ye the Truth! And the Truth will set you Free!"