Dear LORD ...

Thank you!  There was no way for me to know the true evil that lurked behind those eyes.  Yes I felt it and there were a few times she declared it.  But oh how she vehemently denied it.  There were times she would beat us bloody for the slightest indiscretion then turn around and hug us, maybe kiss us, give us some money or buy us a favorite (cheap) toy.

Now no matter how she brutalized or violated us it was always our fault.  First of all we were just too dark to love.  Although she claimed that we had "good hair" it was never quite good enough.  The hair on the right side of my head was always too frizzy, had to put Royal Crown on it and tie it down with a silk scarf.

Yes I was much too black at "coco brown" for any man to ever want or to love.  (E.E.Smith High School got it wrong when they named me most attractive.  K**** S******* really deserved it because she was high yalla, had blonde hair and blue eyes.)  It was a good thing I had a bushel bail of long beautiful hair.  It was a good thing I had a shape that would make a "bulldog hug a hound."  It was a good thing  my mother married a "little shawt jet black n**** that she didn't love" just so we could attend the best schools in the world, "be round all dem white churin and have all dem white teachers."

I reflect back, experience some triggers.  Like the time I ended up punch drunk (damn near comatose) from all the blows you landed to my eight year old head.  You were screaming that I was too dumb to learn to tell  time.  I was legally blind and didn't know it.  I couldn't even see your little homemade clock. Every wrong answer was received with a hard slap across the face or a punch in the head.

You didn't care bout my ability to tell time.  You just wanted to beat something, to destroy, to maim .  You were still smashing that puppy between two bricks.  I know now why you used to love to tell us that story about Charity's Hill.  The woman that killed her husband and ate his brain, picked his brains out of his skull with a pair of scissors.

I am sorry you went wrong.  I am sorry you could never stop lying, plotting and scheming.  I am sorry you lost.  I am glad you hated me, made me your scapegoat instead of your golden child.  I am glad that you hurt and scarred me so bad I had to find the LORD.  I had to embrace the Holy Ghost.

Thank You! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!! Praise the LORD!

Copyright February 7, 2014    All rights reserved.