"What did you know?

And  when did you know it? "

"No you should rephrase that. When did I not know it? Have you ever hugged a statue, a cold block of stone? That's what hugging my mother felt like.  You could always hear the love she cooed in your ear.  You just couldn't feel it."

That lady was brilliant.  She knew exactly what to say. She had an answer for everything.  Forced me to attend high school wearing the same pair of shoes for two years.  When I complained that I owned only one pair of shoes to my name and she drove a brand new Cadillac . (I didn't dare mention those $300 dollar Ben Mart suits that she bought and deliberately walked on until I hung them up.) She called me every kind of rich bitch, MFing blankety blank blank. She had my ungrateful black a$$. All I ever did was complain with my sorry stupid worthless ass and if I didn't like the way she ran things I could get the f*** out! And I better not ever open my black MFing lying mouth to say a MFing thing against her in my  MFing life. AND I; "...bedder not nevah tell a muthaf***** thang dat go on IN DIS MFING HOUSE!!!! "

So when I grew up and started to comprehend some family secrets, things my grandfather deliberately never shared with me.  No one in my family ever told me my oldest brother was in fact my brother.  I was in church and I mentioned my uncle X and a saint of the church interrupted me with a real snarly attitude; "X ain't nun of your uncle! Dats your brother!" When I told my mother she cursed X for every sorry so and so that ever lived, declared her undying hatred "fa dat yalla n****!"  He never did anything but ruin HER life.

It was pure punishment. No we were not gifts from GOD.  We were "crumb snatchers", "pain in the a$$ ".  I remember the day she cursed, ranted and raved for 24 hours straight, none stop because some black MFING black a$$  n****'left the blankety blank milk out.

It's funny, Martha declared to my family that I was the evildoer, the plotter, the snake, that I wanted revenge for something that happened a hundred years ago and I was digging in the archives and I didn't know how to forgive no body and besides to f *** me and she hoped I rotted in hell because all I wanted was revenge.  Plus the fact she was an ordained minister in the A .M.E. Zion Church and ; " they all just a bunch of faggots , from the Bishop on down."

There are six of us that she never gave one dime to to attend college.  We grew up without gifts, Easter baskets or new school clothes. But, I am the one seeking revenge.  (Martha, you sure made a fool out of us. )Well I finally realize who really wanted revenge.

Martha became alarmed that I would one day expose her so she deliberately cast me out.  ( I have since learned that the greatest fear of a narcissist is exposure.)

She did something to make sure I would be forced to cut all ties with her.  (She wrote me a hate filled letter smeared with her fecal matter claiming that she had used it to wipe her a$$  .) Then she ran ahead of me spreading lies to explain my conspicuous absence , pinning her repugnant sins on me. (Poor Martha ! Plagued with all of those ungrateful children.) The poor woman never told anything but lies on all of us and carried the deepest most maniacle hatred hidden deeply in her heart.

The serious irony here is the fact that all of her loved ones that are still clinging dearly to a mirage, a Martha that never existed except in their imaginations , don't get it.  She hated YOU too!  She spread sick lies on you too!

Martha is a poor woman that lived for 87 years never loving anyone, never trusting GOD to save her.  Thought she had to be a fake , a charlatan, a flim-flam artist.   Jesus was for the weak ,  for dummies, for chumps , for sheep , she didn't have time for that, and she intended to fleece every last one that got caught in her trap.

Why?  Was it because she didn't have the discipline to earn a college degree?  Was it because she was a nymphomaniac? No!!! It is all because she was rebellious and truly believed she was the most brilliant disciple of satan that ever lived.

Children satan inflicts excruciating pain on you to make you hate, to make you give up.  satan wants you defeated.

I will not be deceived! I will not hate!