It was cold

It was cold, very cold inside the house at 825 Dwain Drive, Fayetteville, North Carolina.  It was freezing outside. It was not just winter in America, there a was cold winter growing in my heart.  I sat straight, erect, looking at nothing.  I could not focus, I could not think. I could not move.  For the life of me,  I could not tell you how I got to my mother's door from Atlanta so fast.

The relatives kept coming, dropping off food, hams, chicken, cake, drinks.  The relatives kept coming, kept paying their respects.  I sat there wondering if any of my fellow victims were thinking what I was thinking.  Then it happened, Martha took us back to the bedroom were the deed was done and expressed very pridefully; "See whur yo' granddaddy put the gun back after he shot hizsef!"  Holly molly! Woman you are talking to a MEDICAL DOCTOR AND A SCHOOL TEACHER! Two people you beat, raped and terrorized since birth.  No, we didn't say anything.  I am not ashamed because I read that some demons have to be endured to the end.

I remember calling my principal immediately, just as soon as I got the news.  It was a Saturday morning, around ten a.m.  It was a little late for me to still be in bed.  For some reason I was. I must have gone out the night before, after all I was only twenty-seven.

I remember that phone blaring, disturbing some good dream I imagine, it was her, my "birth mother".  She was screaming at the top of her lungs; "DADDY   JEST  BLOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEDDDDDD HIS HEART OUT! DADDY JEST KILLED HIMSELF!"

Everything went dark! My brain shut down completely.  I did not dare say the first thought that came to my mind.  "You did it! You finally did it didn't you! You stanking slut! You stanking slut bucket! You foul demon!"  Yes , I thought it but,  I didn't dare say it.  No one ever told Mathy Jane what they thought.

The saddest fact of all, we were always right. Mathy always hated us.  She was always up to no good, always up to some sadistic, sick, foul, repulsive shit!  Martha  hated every human being that ever lived , anyone that she perceived to be smarter, prettier, or had more money.  No, there was no way we were ever getting Mathy to change.  She was a demon.  She was truly a pervert, a pedophile.  Yes, she was everything evil and despicable.

Sure, she blew Jerome Walter's heart out.  So!?  She could never take his wisdom from me.  My grandfather knew more in five minutes than that low whore did in EIGHTY-SEVEN YEARS!  

"Come ye out from among them."