I am pressing on granddaddy. I love you. I honor you. I cherish your name. I thank GOD each and every day I live and breath for your presence and influence in my life.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
My Journey to Wholeness
I am pressing on granddaddy. I love you. I honor you. I cherish your name. I thank GOD each and every day I live and breath for your presence and influence in my life.
The greatest liar and the greatest truth ...
First of all lets Praise the LORD. Everything you do should be in honor of your Holy Father. It is not slavery and you are not missing out on some phenomenal pleasure. It is a good thing. It is refreshing, very much like getting up early on a cool spring morning. Survey the land. Admire the beautiful flowers blooming, trees budding, birds singing. Inhale, pact your lungs with GOD's pure clean oxygen, smile, thank GOD that you are alive, that your Magnificent Father gave you one more day. One more day to get it right, to order your steps, your life, to clear your mind, to settle accounts.
Dear LORD I thank you. True, I personally experienced and survived the most demon controlled mother that ever lived. But, I survived! I am still hear to tell about it. I get to examine the whole long long mystery. It is my privilege to warn you against the workers of iniquity. Jesus told us that our enemies would be in our own household.
WE heard, I heard, but it didn't register, I didn't get it until GOD took the blinders off. I suffered from severe insecurity and masked it by being gregarious and flirty, dressing very provocatively while hiding the fact I was as frigid as an iceberg.
So after all these years we finally know, can safely say the woman we loved was an imp for satan, satan had his hand up her a**, made her his puppet. Martha was helpless, weak as a newborn babe when it came to mischief, every form of debauchery and mayhem. Became addicted to sadistic pleasure as a child apparently.
I certainly know my family did wrong by hiding her, never warning us. Never speaking of or discussing Her "sins", deeds, and mysterious actions. "Sumpin' wrong wid hur ...sumpin' wrong wid hur!"; was never a murmur I heard. "Just tiptoe and do what ever she says ... duh b**** crazy!"
Well we lived through it. Personally I am relieved. For some reason every time I think about or review the thousands of wrongs she secretly brutalized me with (us with) I am shocked that so many people can endure so much evil for so long and still remain duped. Still happy to be in her clutches. No, I am not saying hate her, I am simply asking you to recognize, acknowledge what she did to you and why.
Free yourself of "Mathy Jane Mentality". Purge and cleanse yourself of her ignorant opinions and commands. She thought she could serve two masters. You can't. She never loved us. That poor woman never loved anyone or anything. It was all a game. We loved someone that never existed. We loved the sheep's clothing, couldn't see the ravenous wolf. Dear LORD rescue us. Save us from ourselves, from our own self imposed stupidity. Open our eyes LORD. Open our ears that we might hear you.
Humble us LORD. Break us down to our very last fiber. Cleanse us. Wash us white as snow.
The plain and simple fact is Martha was jealous, so jealous she was jealous of herself. Ignorant and corrupt. She was brilliant, extremely talented but she had very low self esteem. Had very little faith, went the wrong way in search of success. Said GOD was too slow.
No children, GOD is not too slow, He is right on time. Serve Him. Put your armor on. This satan is not playing. He knows His days are numbered and he is going out in a blaze of glory. There is one thing the evil one relishes are those that are too stubborn to pray, too busy to serve or genuinely love. satan loves people that swear he doesn't exist. satan's number one target is a person that thinks he or she can make it without GOD.
I am 62 years old and I know GOD has lead and guided me every step of the way. I didn't know my own mother was a ravenous wolf in sheep's clothing. She played macho woman to the max but in reality was a very frail fallen woman that was convinced that she alone was right, would win, and would never be discovered in her life time.
Dear LORD thank you for saving us. Help us to save others, in Jesus' name I pray.
Stay in His WORD children. Remember; "Apart from Christ we are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)
Copyright March 11, 2014 All rights reserved.
P.S.
True, I was afflicted with the worse mother on earth. The experiences I shared with her made me strong. GOD blessed me with the greatest grandfather and daughter this world has ever known. "GOD keeps a ram in the bushes." ;0)
Dear LORD I thank you. True, I personally experienced and survived the most demon controlled mother that ever lived. But, I survived! I am still hear to tell about it. I get to examine the whole long long mystery. It is my privilege to warn you against the workers of iniquity. Jesus told us that our enemies would be in our own household.
WE heard, I heard, but it didn't register, I didn't get it until GOD took the blinders off. I suffered from severe insecurity and masked it by being gregarious and flirty, dressing very provocatively while hiding the fact I was as frigid as an iceberg.
So after all these years we finally know, can safely say the woman we loved was an imp for satan, satan had his hand up her a**, made her his puppet. Martha was helpless, weak as a newborn babe when it came to mischief, every form of debauchery and mayhem. Became addicted to sadistic pleasure as a child apparently.
I certainly know my family did wrong by hiding her, never warning us. Never speaking of or discussing Her "sins", deeds, and mysterious actions. "Sumpin' wrong wid hur ...sumpin' wrong wid hur!"; was never a murmur I heard. "Just tiptoe and do what ever she says ... duh b**** crazy!"
Well we lived through it. Personally I am relieved. For some reason every time I think about or review the thousands of wrongs she secretly brutalized me with (us with) I am shocked that so many people can endure so much evil for so long and still remain duped. Still happy to be in her clutches. No, I am not saying hate her, I am simply asking you to recognize, acknowledge what she did to you and why.
Free yourself of "Mathy Jane Mentality". Purge and cleanse yourself of her ignorant opinions and commands. She thought she could serve two masters. You can't. She never loved us. That poor woman never loved anyone or anything. It was all a game. We loved someone that never existed. We loved the sheep's clothing, couldn't see the ravenous wolf. Dear LORD rescue us. Save us from ourselves, from our own self imposed stupidity. Open our eyes LORD. Open our ears that we might hear you.
Humble us LORD. Break us down to our very last fiber. Cleanse us. Wash us white as snow.
The plain and simple fact is Martha was jealous, so jealous she was jealous of herself. Ignorant and corrupt. She was brilliant, extremely talented but she had very low self esteem. Had very little faith, went the wrong way in search of success. Said GOD was too slow.
No children, GOD is not too slow, He is right on time. Serve Him. Put your armor on. This satan is not playing. He knows His days are numbered and he is going out in a blaze of glory. There is one thing the evil one relishes are those that are too stubborn to pray, too busy to serve or genuinely love. satan loves people that swear he doesn't exist. satan's number one target is a person that thinks he or she can make it without GOD.
I am 62 years old and I know GOD has lead and guided me every step of the way. I didn't know my own mother was a ravenous wolf in sheep's clothing. She played macho woman to the max but in reality was a very frail fallen woman that was convinced that she alone was right, would win, and would never be discovered in her life time.
Dear LORD thank you for saving us. Help us to save others, in Jesus' name I pray.
Stay in His WORD children. Remember; "Apart from Christ we are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)
Copyright March 11, 2014 All rights reserved.
P.S.
True, I was afflicted with the worse mother on earth. The experiences I shared with her made me strong. GOD blessed me with the greatest grandfather and daughter this world has ever known. "GOD keeps a ram in the bushes." ;0)
Monday, March 10, 2014
There is a reason for everything
Would I be the person I am today without witnessing first hand what satan is capable of?
What about my great self discipline and tenacity? A little dose of real life can be extremely beneficial .
I had a student that was forced to be a a Freedom Fighter in ? as a small child. He was one of the greatest scholars I ever had.
GOD has a great design , in discernible by mortal man. His Divine Order, His Grace, His Goodness.
What about my great self discipline and tenacity? A little dose of real life can be extremely beneficial .
I had a student that was forced to be a a Freedom Fighter in ? as a small child. He was one of the greatest scholars I ever had.
GOD has a great design , in discernible by mortal man. His Divine Order, His Grace, His Goodness.
Following GOD's instructions ...
I don't think I really wanted to do it. But, I listened, I heeded GOD's words, I listened to His voice. GOD told me to go back home, to forgive my mother. I did protest at first; "But, LORD ...what about granddaddy?" [Don't worry about that child. It is all in Divine Order.]
I am so glad I can say that I was always good to my mother, always! I never fought her, cursed her or was disrespectful in any way. Showered her with gifts. I was a good dutiful daughter. I did love her but not enough to lie for her, to cloak for her in any way.
That is something she hated about my grandfather; "My mama wud lie fuh me ... daddy nevah wud. Mama tellin' eva'body I wuz married ....dat n****** going 'round tellin' folks I wudden!" The nerve! How dare you demand and expect other people to be burdened with your secrets, your deliberate wrong choices? How dare you hate and blame the children you created!?
You were never that dumb or stupid! You were that wicked and you are where you need to be, R.I.H. (roasting in hell).
Every day of my life I thank GOD for delivering me from you. I pray that one day your memory will no longer haunt me. I pray that everyone in my family will finally come to the knowledge of the LORD Jesus Christ and rebuke you.
Life lessons:
#1 - Lying, denying, pretending to forget, refusing to think about, discuss, investigate or even care will not make an abomination go away.
#2 - Cruelty is not courage. Extreme cruelty is pure demonism! There is no god, GOD or any hope of salvation in such a person. [From such stay away!]
#3 - It is all in Divine Order! GOD is having His way! Exposing and casting out demons ignorant and disrespectful enough to crawl up His pulpit to mock GOD!
#4 - Get Baptized! Go under the water! Pray! Read and study your Bible! Rebuke satan!
#5 -Accept GOD's blessings, His anointing, His calling. Be abundantly blessed today.
I am so glad I can say that I was always good to my mother, always! I never fought her, cursed her or was disrespectful in any way. Showered her with gifts. I was a good dutiful daughter. I did love her but not enough to lie for her, to cloak for her in any way.
That is something she hated about my grandfather; "My mama wud lie fuh me ... daddy nevah wud. Mama tellin' eva'body I wuz married ....dat n****** going 'round tellin' folks I wudden!" The nerve! How dare you demand and expect other people to be burdened with your secrets, your deliberate wrong choices? How dare you hate and blame the children you created!?
You were never that dumb or stupid! You were that wicked and you are where you need to be, R.I.H. (roasting in hell).
Every day of my life I thank GOD for delivering me from you. I pray that one day your memory will no longer haunt me. I pray that everyone in my family will finally come to the knowledge of the LORD Jesus Christ and rebuke you.
Life lessons:
#1 - Lying, denying, pretending to forget, refusing to think about, discuss, investigate or even care will not make an abomination go away.
#2 - Cruelty is not courage. Extreme cruelty is pure demonism! There is no god, GOD or any hope of salvation in such a person. [From such stay away!]
#3 - It is all in Divine Order! GOD is having His way! Exposing and casting out demons ignorant and disrespectful enough to crawl up His pulpit to mock GOD!
#4 - Get Baptized! Go under the water! Pray! Read and study your Bible! Rebuke satan!
#5 -Accept GOD's blessings, His anointing, His calling. Be abundantly blessed today.
When I look back ...
over my life I am often overwhelmed with grief. You must admit when measured against what we know of the lives of others, mine hinges on the bizarre.
Strange, that was my lot in life. Luckily I loved my mother very much and was totally blind to her necrophilia, pedophilia and general f***-up-ness. Did I completely trust her; no! Did I know she suffered with bouts of extreme jealousy? Yes. Key word here is bouts. I falsely believed her immature pouting toddler behavior was a sometime thing, a rare flair up.
I did not know my mother raged with sick insane jealousy every day of her long life. Of course I knew she would lie. I did not know she was a pathological liar. I suspected but did not know that Martha was homosexual, a closet lesbian.
Personally I think that is where her problems began. Loving and enjoying sex with the same sex was certainly forbidden in my mother's day. No one cared that she had been savagely raped at eight years old.
My mother often shared her hatred and mistrust for men with me. She did hate men! Tried to punish every one she met. Proof, she shot her father in the heart, never batted an eye. Never shed one tear. Was cool, icy, aloof. Overly confident that she was going to get away, and did!
That was Martha's magic, her ability to appear cool, detached, aloof. Now her mouth told us she loved us every day. Her actions were always diametrically opposed to her deeds. "I luv my churin! I sho luv me sum *Sam and Gwen!" We would be so happy to hear those words we refused to look at our scars, count our shoes, check out the few raggedy rags in the closet, even complain bout the scarce vittles.
Man, how could a house so small, hold so many secrets? Most of all, why? Why would a family let a relative murder THE PATRIARCH of the family and never open their collective mouths? Never nod left or right. Why did my brother scream at me in terror; "Let IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOO Gwen! LET IT GO!!!"
I know Martha taught my brothers to hate me. I was her scapegoat. "You duh cause of it! ...you duh cause of my son forsuking me!"; she screamed, I protested; "How the f*** am I the cause!?" I said that in my mind, deep in my mind. Because one thing you didn't do, one thing you would not even dream you did, talk back to Mathy Jane.
She left them terrified. I keep telling them the wicked witch is dead but they refuse to believe the documented facts; "Your mother was a low common whore, an ignorant primitive imp, a lying two faced scoundrel, a selfish "all-fuh-yosef" demon possessed phony preacher.
The reference to "all fuh-yosef" was my label, the one she pinned on me. Martha was devoted to evil, followed satan's instructions to the tee.
#1 Terrorize your babies, abuse them beyond human belief. Murder them, then laugh. Smash, pulverize them like you did that puppy.
#2 Plan ahead, dig your ditches, set your traps years before your children have any understanding about life. Involve them in something they would be ashamed for the world to know. Give the the same commands every day; "Ni! take dat to ya' grave!" Ingrain it! Beat it into every cell of their body.
#3 Make them love you. Create a beautiful charismatic fun loving, money having mother. Pretend to be rich and caring. "Those dummies will never know"
#4 Go to preaching, get a license, bring the house down moaning and groaning, they will love you forever.
#5 Put down your "roots", lay down your dust, you will be dead one hundred years before anyone else catches on.
Martha, perhaps you do deserve credit for snatching and killing dreams. Perhaps your demonic schemes were successful. But, what did you get? Eternity in everlasting hell, shame and rebuke. "Depart from me, I never knew you!" are the only WORDS you will hear from Jesus. ( I am not judging, I am predicting, I am agreeing with GOD's Prophetic WORD)
Martha I am sorry you came here and made such a mess of your life with your bad attitude, rebellion and stupidity. I do pray others will read my blog, my blog of self-healing and reflection and learn from my life, from our mistakes.
Stay in His WORD children. Remember; "Apart from Christ we are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)
Copyright March 10, 2014 All rights reserved.
Strange, that was my lot in life. Luckily I loved my mother very much and was totally blind to her necrophilia, pedophilia and general f***-up-ness. Did I completely trust her; no! Did I know she suffered with bouts of extreme jealousy? Yes. Key word here is bouts. I falsely believed her immature pouting toddler behavior was a sometime thing, a rare flair up.
I did not know my mother raged with sick insane jealousy every day of her long life. Of course I knew she would lie. I did not know she was a pathological liar. I suspected but did not know that Martha was homosexual, a closet lesbian.
Personally I think that is where her problems began. Loving and enjoying sex with the same sex was certainly forbidden in my mother's day. No one cared that she had been savagely raped at eight years old.
My mother often shared her hatred and mistrust for men with me. She did hate men! Tried to punish every one she met. Proof, she shot her father in the heart, never batted an eye. Never shed one tear. Was cool, icy, aloof. Overly confident that she was going to get away, and did!
That was Martha's magic, her ability to appear cool, detached, aloof. Now her mouth told us she loved us every day. Her actions were always diametrically opposed to her deeds. "I luv my churin! I sho luv me sum *Sam and Gwen!" We would be so happy to hear those words we refused to look at our scars, count our shoes, check out the few raggedy rags in the closet, even complain bout the scarce vittles.
Man, how could a house so small, hold so many secrets? Most of all, why? Why would a family let a relative murder THE PATRIARCH of the family and never open their collective mouths? Never nod left or right. Why did my brother scream at me in terror; "Let IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOO Gwen! LET IT GO!!!"
I know Martha taught my brothers to hate me. I was her scapegoat. "You duh cause of it! ...you duh cause of my son forsuking me!"; she screamed, I protested; "How the f*** am I the cause!?" I said that in my mind, deep in my mind. Because one thing you didn't do, one thing you would not even dream you did, talk back to Mathy Jane.
She left them terrified. I keep telling them the wicked witch is dead but they refuse to believe the documented facts; "Your mother was a low common whore, an ignorant primitive imp, a lying two faced scoundrel, a selfish "all-fuh-yosef" demon possessed phony preacher.
The reference to "all fuh-yosef" was my label, the one she pinned on me. Martha was devoted to evil, followed satan's instructions to the tee.
#1 Terrorize your babies, abuse them beyond human belief. Murder them, then laugh. Smash, pulverize them like you did that puppy.
#2 Plan ahead, dig your ditches, set your traps years before your children have any understanding about life. Involve them in something they would be ashamed for the world to know. Give the the same commands every day; "Ni! take dat to ya' grave!" Ingrain it! Beat it into every cell of their body.
#3 Make them love you. Create a beautiful charismatic fun loving, money having mother. Pretend to be rich and caring. "Those dummies will never know"
#4 Go to preaching, get a license, bring the house down moaning and groaning, they will love you forever.
#5 Put down your "roots", lay down your dust, you will be dead one hundred years before anyone else catches on.
Martha, perhaps you do deserve credit for snatching and killing dreams. Perhaps your demonic schemes were successful. But, what did you get? Eternity in everlasting hell, shame and rebuke. "Depart from me, I never knew you!" are the only WORDS you will hear from Jesus. ( I am not judging, I am predicting, I am agreeing with GOD's Prophetic WORD)
Martha I am sorry you came here and made such a mess of your life with your bad attitude, rebellion and stupidity. I do pray others will read my blog, my blog of self-healing and reflection and learn from my life, from our mistakes.
Stay in His WORD children. Remember; "Apart from Christ we are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)
Copyright March 10, 2014 All rights reserved.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Talk about an impasse...
I thought she should apologize and she thought I should be eternally grateful. She actually believed she gave me life. Not GOD, but she alone gave me life and I owed her. And just like everything else she abused , she fully believed she had every right to abuse me, had the right to kill me , if I EVER told!
(I watched her walk on $300 Ben Mart Fox Fur Suits in the 60s!)
Not only did she demand to ruin my life while she watched and enjoyed it!, I better not be "no sense-ED" enough to say anything. Bottom line, just don't think! Let Mathy think for you . If she said that rank piss she was pouring on you was fresh rain you better believe it! You better sing N*****!
And you better not tell on her long after she is dead either. That is precisely why she involved you in her "crap". A very old ploy designed by satan himself.
Thank GOD she outed me, threw me under the bus when she wanted to divorce XXX to marry YYY! Suddenly she became a concerned mother determined to protect her daughter from the years of sexual abuse she had already suffered. (Thanks Ma!)
Well , if you all still demand to believe every "good preacher" is a real preacher, that Mathy Jane wasn't a two faced demon possessed "root worker " , go ahead.
"Imma" choose GOD.
(I watched her walk on $300 Ben Mart Fox Fur Suits in the 60s!)
Not only did she demand to ruin my life while she watched and enjoyed it!, I better not be "no sense-ED" enough to say anything. Bottom line, just don't think! Let Mathy think for you . If she said that rank piss she was pouring on you was fresh rain you better believe it! You better sing N*****!
And you better not tell on her long after she is dead either. That is precisely why she involved you in her "crap". A very old ploy designed by satan himself.
Thank GOD she outed me, threw me under the bus when she wanted to divorce XXX to marry YYY! Suddenly she became a concerned mother determined to protect her daughter from the years of sexual abuse she had already suffered. (Thanks Ma!)
Well , if you all still demand to believe every "good preacher" is a real preacher, that Mathy Jane wasn't a two faced demon possessed "root worker " , go ahead.
"Imma" choose GOD.
Thank You!
Dear LORD Thank You for my journey!
Isn't it awesome that God give's us free will and we can choose. Happiness is always a choice. It's always my hope and prayer that if life gives my family and friends the opportunity to sit it out or dance... They dance!!! When God is in your life you learn to dance in the storms knowing sunshine is on the way. We are like flowers, we need sunshine and rain to grow! In Jesus name, I rebuke all generational curses. Free to choose life and dance, dance, dance!!!!
Isn't it awesome that God give's us free will and we can choose. Happiness is always a choice. It's always my hope and prayer that if life gives my family and friends the opportunity to sit it out or dance... They dance!!! When God is in your life you learn to dance in the storms knowing sunshine is on the way. We are like flowers, we need sunshine and rain to grow! In Jesus name, I rebuke all generational curses. Free to choose life and dance, dance, dance!!!!
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