Blame Me Don't Blame My Heart James & Bobby Purify

If you grew up in Fayetteville/Fort Bragg, North Carolina , in the sixties and seventies,  perhaps we had the opportunity to interact.

Maybe you attended Newbold Training School, E.E.Smith, Fayetteville Terry Sanford  or Fayetteville State. If you recognize this song I hope you kept that great memory.

I remember dancing with one tall, fine, chiseled Adonis.  (The lights were dim but we were well behaved.)  Seabrook Recreation Center, probably the last dance before being dismissed at eleven.

No, we didn't have much but at least some "leader" thought enough of us to provide a place of safety. A place where "teens" could truly be "teens".

I have always been a good student, an outstanding scholar,  actually. I only had one problem, evil demonic RACISM! FUCKING WHITE MALE SUPREMACY!

I've grown old under this shit and I'm tired. Yes, I'm tired and I'm fucking raging! Why didn't somebody in my family tell me what a low stanking, demon possessed, sadistic, carnal , deplorable cretin,  my own "mother" was?

"GAWD don't put  NO mo'on you than you can bear." my ass! That slut should have been lynched as a CHILD!

And for your information, that was not GOD torturing and imprisoning us, it was sATAN! sATAN sanctioned, endorsed,  AND upheld by the "Church"!

Wait! Wait! Please know why I'm spitting nails; the low 'hoe for satan was an ORDAINED PREACHER! What the Fuck!?

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Chill! It is ALL in Divine Order

Yes, I love this song! Yes, I live this song! Yes LORD, I know, yea though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of  Death you art with me.

"My LORD from Zion"! The evildoers think they have taken over Your Church. Yes, the miscreants own and control most "Churches", not one is Yours.

That wo/man, that horrid wo/man,  that lived to lust, to destroy, to vex,  is finally gone. Yes LORD, I can finally exhale.

t Rump and evil wo/men just like him are actually so  depraved and so disrespectful to GOD,  they actually think they can use GOD,  against the people of GOD for their (secret) love, satan.

Martha MURDERED  her own father in 1979! Spent the rest of her life ducking, dodging, chunking "goofer dust",  attempting to escape prison. Bitch! You were in prison, in the prison of your own mental illness. You were imprisoned in your PTSD!

You were imprisoned by your pathological lies, your extreme jealousy.

I figured it out for all people like you. People that can't stop lying. People that deliberately live in shame because they can't muster the strength to face what their "caretakers" did to them.

I was a talker, a "tattle-tell" according to my "mother" , siblings and everyone in my family.

(Dear LORD, thank you for making me a blabber mouth early in life!)

Why was telling my grandfather how you (and your husband) gave us hot soapy enemas EVERY MUTHAFUCKING DAY,  UNTIL I TOLD ON YOUR SICK PERVERTED ASS,  problematic for you?

SICK WHORE!

Martha Jane Walters! All the preaching in the world shall not save your ass from the bed you made, the grave you dug.

RIP (Rot In Purgatory)

Buddy Guy - Five Long Years

Try SIXTY-TWO YEARS!  Try living while trying to please your PSYCHOTIC/DEMON POSSESSED/INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE MOTHER!

"COME YE OUT FROM AMONG THEM!"

"REVERSE THE CURSE!"

"It is what it is"

"The Trill is Gone", words every narcissistic evil doer hates to hear. Well, time changes all things, dumb ass.

(I did ask GOD why I do so much "name calling". )

"Because that is all you ever knew, all you ever heard from the cretin that deliberately held you hostage, pretending to be a nurturing , caring mother.  Knowing full well she was a lustful, carnal INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE!"

"WORSE,  Martha never  truly believed s/he was getting away . S/he was "biding her time". Believe it or not, Martha wanted to get caught, to be punished. But, alas, it was not to be. Martha was much too fierce, much too cruel and sadistic. Yes, Martha had to be endured to the end."

"How else could good , righteous, justice loving people , come to know the affects of racism, of being color struck."

Scripture tells us to know our truth,  to be set free. I am finally , learning my REAL truth. All the broken pieces are finally fitting into place. To think I had to grow "old". My daughter had to uproot me, move me to Southern California, get me NETFLIX  before the obvious crystalized in front of my "blinded eyes".  

It was on  NETFLIX where I discovered the awful truth my "demon possessed mother" cloaked so well for eighty-seven years! Martha Jane Walters was a full fledged INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE ,  deeply complicated by her nymphomania , sadism and sick cruelty.

Stupid ass, uneducated Martha tried her hand at WITCHCRAFT! Half-ass, poorly read, poorly understood , homemade nigger witchcraft! Martha always got what she fucking deserved, nothing!

The documentary  that alerted me, informed me, is; "Chemical Castration". Wow! Little did I know! The pedophile really can't help it! It is a form of mental illness. It is true, some grown adult wo/men are sexually attracted to children. Worse, the dumb muthafuckers justify their actions by claiming the child came on to them.

That is certainly what my stupid ass mother did, what her second husband did. Yes, she knew it!

FUCK THAT BITCH! 

I rebuke that low life swine! Anybody, any of my relatives,  still claiming love for that slut can kiss my ass, miss me with that shit, move on. You are fucking stupid, defeated, worthless. I shall not drown in your boat. 

Any one claiming to still fear Martha's worthless demonic ass is not worth saving.

Save Yourself!

"COME YE OUT FROM AMONG THEM!"

"REVERSE THE CURSE!"

"For at last it biteth as an Adder."

The excessively long winded,  pretentious "Obeseque" my "mother" took three days to prefect ,  had guilt written all over it. No, not enough guilt to cause Martha to confess, repent or change. Just enough to play "Grand Dame/Almost a Princess" daily for all concerned.

Yes, it  was pure pageantry. Tucker Funeral Home got "the body". Yes, he liked them but,  granddaddy had paid into Dafford Funeral Home for most of his entire life. (Why?)  When I think about it, smart ass Martha had to pick a funeral director that would rather remain silent about my grandfather's "suicide" than contact the "authorities".

I get it, shit, only one family member had the courage to accuse Martha of murder. If anyone knew what that low slut was capable of,  he was.

How strange, granddaddy always teased him, said" "**** , you blind and won't see."  He wasn't too blind or too fearful to call that murderous 'hoe out.

I know the stanking 'hoe made my granddaddy miss out on the funeral he always dreamed of.  I can't remember a great deal  about that day. I'm not sure if they played this song. I do remember the processional was miles long because my mother did have the courtesy to "hold the body out " for one week.  

That is what she said,  or claimed, in reality, s/he needed more time to shop. S/he needed more "outstanding outfits", complete with loud gaudy hats, shoes, bags, furs and kid gloves. Martha needed to prove to all "dem Wade niggers" she was somebody! That she came up! S/he had a husband! S/he lived in a brick hut! 

Martha needed to prove to them "Wade niggers in Wesley" that she was not what they said. It was all a lie! Them damn niggers always said Mathy Jane was common as bat shit. Little did they know how right they were.

Some of her children were successful , despite her bullshit, her unending stalking.

S/he needed more time to demean me, to curse me, to remind me of what a broke, needy, parasite I was. S/he needed more time to make jokes about why I should just climb my black ass in the casket with granddaddy,  because all of my "free loading " was over now!

(Freeloading! Bitch! I was a certified teacher! Bitch! I was trying to repay my fucking Student Loans! Something you never paid,  or ever  attempted to pay.)

I heard it was a grande funeral, "standing room only".  (Granddaddy would have liked that.) I don't know because I was so grief stricken , I was in a Zombie state.  I do remember the rage I had to suppress. I had to lie and pretend or risk prison. (You know this lying 'hoe will go slap off her fucking rocker, again if I dare accuse her.  Put granddaddy in the ground and "press on". "GOD will 'git hur'" "It will all come out in the wash.""Jesus will fix it.")

All that is true, but,  I am still livid! Seething will anger and pain this world, these "Christians" , refuse to let me express.

I'm still angry because I know the slut did it deliberately. Deliberately robbed my saintly grandfather of his last opportunity to shine, to out do her ,  to out smart her one last time. 

In the (black) "Church" it is called Protocol. The "Family" always followed behind the closed casket, first.to this song. We disassembled, quietly and reverently left the church from the front to the back, from close family to stragglers . 

No talking! Absolute silence! NO TALKING!  Hand gestures only. NO SMILES! 

It was beautiful pageantry,  if the "Church"  was filled to the rafters with heavy hearted mourners.  Ushers in nurse uniforms, passing out smelling salts and fans,  with snow white gloved hands.

Ushers in nurse uniforms running themselves raged fanning the bereaved, the overcome. The nurse /ushers were always sharp, crisp, one arm always held behind their back. (Why?)

 If you died well, like my grandfather did, the church was not only overrun with flowers, but that smell, that "funeral home" smell of carnations and tons and tons of "florist smell" hung heavy in the air.

Well, one of the reasons my deep anger and hatred for my mother is still so strong, this was his song. This was his moment!  My grandfather's life was not lived in vain. MY GRANDFATHER DID NOT COMMIT SUICIDE  as his lying ass, demon possessed daughter proclaimed!

My grandfather, Jerome Walters earned the right for throngs of loved ones and relatives to march behind his "closed casket" proud,  with their heads held high, never wondering, never doubting my grandfather's honor.

"COME YE OUT FROM AMONG THEM!'

"REVERSE THE CURSE!"

James & Bobby Purify I Don't Want To Have To Wait

Good music is healing, it is truly a balm for my still open oozing wounds. No, there is no excuse for me to still experience such excruciating pain at SIXTY-SEVEN YEARS of age!  Shit,  that is like three life times for so many people, for so many of my friends.

My friends and relatives starting "lefting here" at age eighteen. (Barry Bowser, Sherman Davis)

Dear LORD thank You for good music! Thank You for taking that low whore for satan,  when you did. Yes, I think it took you  too long, it was much  too painful, totally unnecessary. But, I'm hue-man. I don't know , can't know your plan.

Yes, I do know you protected me every step of the way. Yes, I'm deeply humbled. In awe. Speechless. Wordless. Yet,  I BEAM! WOW! WHAT A WONDERMENT! IT IS TRULY AMAZING! Deliberately standing on the tall shoulders of my wise , wonderful grandfather,  Jerome Walters!

"COME YE OUT FROM AMONG THEM!"

"REVERSETHE CURSE!"

God Is So Amazing

Really.  GOD is truly amazing. Yes, the Holy Spirit can NOT lie. Yes, [S/HE] IS  right on time. ALWAYS!

"TRUST AND OBEY!"  Step out on faith. I am sitting here raging and rejoicing! The nerve of that witch! That bully! That lying, despicable demon possessed hypocrite,  actually believing GOD was going to permit her to live out her horrid life  just the way she demanded to, because she was common enough, dumb enough, low enough,  to practice WITCHCRAFT  and preach.

Martha, granddaddy didn't stop you because he knew it would take a bullet in your GOD forsaken heart,  to stop you. You were too deplorable!

Too hardheaded! Too intractable! Too lying! Too cruel! Too cowardly! Too selfish! Too ignorant! Too carnal and perverted! Too demon possessed! Too lazy! Too immoral! Too tRump-ish!

 It was not fear. It was patience. It was obedience to GOD's Word. [S/HE] told us to endure to the end. That [S/HE] would right every wrong, make every crooked way straight.

No, in "twenty-twenty hindsight"  Martha should have never been left around innocent children or the infirm. Martha was  a monster. No, she could never be trusted, by anyone, EVER!

No matter what the "One percent" do, have done,  or continue to do, they can't win. 

My mother turned out to be such a horrid hue-man being,  I am deeply  ashamed of her. Of course I am ashamed of her sickening, sadistic,  secret acts committed over and over,  for nearly a century. I am more ashamed of her  and shocked that she refused repentance.

S/he preached. S/he knew that even in the last hour s/he could have repented, come into the Kingdom. The low whore deliberately chose to die a volunteer slave for satan, because of her skin color. What an idiot!

"COME YE OUT FROM AMONG THEM!"

RVERSE THE CURSE!"