Dont worry, my affliction is not contagious.

Yes, I have an "affliction", a terrible burden that I must carry for my entire cursed life.  No I wasn't born afflicted.  This is something my mother thought I should have, something she thought  I deserved for bothering her, for disturbing her. For invading her beautiful body for nine months.  For making her look like a whore.  I was the third live birth. I was the third born without a father in evidence.  The third to come to this earth without the proper papers or credentials.  I was an outside child.  Not only was I born a bastard in 1951,  my  mother boldly told at least two different men that they "be the daddy".

I don't care about being a bastard, unplanned, an "accident".  I am glad to be here. But I refuse to be your b****! I refuse to be your lame flunky!  You needed some help!  You deliberately made sex toys out of us, your own children,  then devoted your entire life to being some kind of sneaky slimy monster just so you could keep hurting us on the sly, on the DL (down low).

You afflicted me with a story, a testimony too terrible to tell.  Too gut wrenching to read about.  Fine!  I don't have blonde hair or blue eyes.  I don't have money.  I don't have a name and I no longer have my youth.  I am a person of very few friends, if any.

I am a social leper.  I should be able to bear my affliction in silence.  I should keep a stiff upper lip.  When people tell me what a fine woman "Mother Watson" was, I should just nod my head and agree. No one wants to hear my truth.  No one wants their dream disturbed.  No one wants to know they loved a foul pedophile.  No one wants to know that they got snowed, duped, deceived.

I know; no one wants to hear my story.  It is far too disturbing.  TMI (Too much information)  I should just shut up and smile.  Grin and lower my eyes, just take all of these sick secrets to my grave.

"Rachel! You were  so beautiful! You had such a fine shape! You were so smart! Why weren't you able to marry well?  Why did you knowingly marry a closet homosexual?"

"Did you feel ruined?  Were you so desperate to have a baby that you knowingly agreed to the worse form of human degradation?  Did you sacrifice for that child? Did you put your career on hold?  Did you settle for your back up career ? Did you teach for 30 years just to remain afloat?"

There is a story in the NT where some of Jesus' disciples are badly beaten and stripped naked when they tried to exercise some demons.  The demons sent them away badly bruised and bleeding but the disciples were rejoicing!  They counted it a privilege to be abused for Christ.

That's how I feel. I too count it a privilege to be abused for Christ, to be reviled and ridiculed for my story.  I am glad to finally find out how you really feel.  I want to know those people who can not care about children, people void of empathy or sympathy.  I want to know the people that believe that my story, my testimony is not worth telling, repeating or sharing because of my color black.  Because I have been tainted by the dark continent of Africa.  Because you don't believe brown eyes have the same value as blue eyes in the eyes of GOD.

"Though he slay me, yet shall I serve the LORD"

Remember;"Apart from Christ we are nothing."

May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth, engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)

Copyright May 17, 2014   All rights reserved.