That was the rule. We knew to not tell before we knew why. Shit! I wudden telling anyway! A life as bizarre as mine was to be hidden!
I had enough trouble trying to blend in, trying to play normal. I hated sports with a passion. I hate peach cobbler, could not sing or line dance. I would rather read than anything.
Dumb people make me sick to my stomach. People that you can't reach for their lying, their pretending. I would rather talk to a rock, a mountain. GOD can NOT help a LIAR!
Being forced to be alone, actually made me love being alone. I prefer it. I know that I am severely jaded. My mother and that x-husband did it for me. Finished!
I am not trying to live a fantasy life. I refuse to lust after something that does not exist. I will not be a volunteer slave! I will not give up the right for the wrong.
My telling on Mathy may not help me but it will help others. Some young woman will see Martha in their closet demon mother and know to give up. She will know to go non contact as soon as possible. She will know that she is wasting her time. Putting in work for nothing. Honoring someone that she should shun.
Dear LORD, I do thank you for releasing her over to a reprobate mind. I am glad she hated me with a passion. Otherwise I would have been her, only worse. I still have too much of her in me.
GOD is working on me. He is purging me. Imprisoned in my own mind because I didn't want to know. I didn't think I could handle it. It did not want to believe it. It made me sick! It still makes me sick. My head spins! I fall on my knees grieving, mourning, wounded, desolate. But, every time GOD takes me by the hand and reminds me that I am His.
I was never hers. She was not worthy of me. She was not worthy of granddaddy. Only an emasculated, illiterate fool or some one very ashamed would follow her. Would defend her, would continue to lie for her.
I am going to do to Mathy, what she claimed she did to me. What she bragged to all our relatives she did to me. Martha's signature heart breaking remark was always; "I gave dat nigger my ass to kiss."
How vulgar! I will not say that. I will not entertain your demand that I not piss on your grave. You know you were wrong. You know you cloaked a legion of demons. You also know you chose unwisely. You know that you were stubborn and full of pride.
Remember;"Apart from Christ we are nothing."
[Excerpt from THE JR WALTERS CHRONICLES November 17, 2014 All rights reserved.]
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