What I know...

"When my father and my Mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up." Psalm 27:10

Sometimes your parents don't forsake you , they are just unavailable.  So caught up in their own wretched lives they don't have time for you.  Then there are some mothers so vile, so full of anger and hatred, they hunt their own children for sport.  Put them in terrible situations just for the fun of it.  Some of these women are just sick enough, just depraved enough to think the "black arts" will protect them, prevent them from being discovered.

Of course I know now that I never was privileged enough to have a mother.   I had a "birther", a woman that gave birth to me and demanded retribution.  It's cool, I survived and we will all understand it by and by.

No one can understand the mind of a fool, of an absolute reprobate.  She set her designs on me and tortured me in some manner every day of my life.  It is her demand for secrecy that I can't understand.  How can anyone expect to do unspeakable things to innocent "loved ones" and never garner so much as a grumble, a whispered criticism?

No Mathy, it was not your superior intelligence.  It was not your brilliant "root working".  It wasn't even my desire for your love and admiration.  It was your sickness, it was your repugnance.  It was the fact that you committed acts that could not be imagined.  Never, never in the wildest imagination of some sick pornographic writer could your deeds be predicted.  I am sure there are very few individuals in the history of mankind who ever thought of doing what you did.

Your sick cruelty kept you invisible, kept you closeted, kept you undetected.  You did devise a perfect fool proof scheme.  Do any and everything you want to do.  Bludgeon all uncooperatives, any protesters.  Give token rewards to the blind robots.  Commit demonic reprehensible acts that no one can believe.  Make sure they are vile, rank and repulsive.

Take pleasure in the sickest most repugnant acts ever committed against man or beast.  Then laugh.  Back your sins and sordid nature up with your "voodoo".  Laugh, then go to some "church" and preach.

My "birther" took me to a lesbian party one time.  I think I was around twenty-nine.  It was after the "death" of my grandfather.  I was visiting her new fine home.  The one she always bragged on, the one with the bay window in the kitchen.  "Gwen! Come wid me to a party! Cynthia invited us."

The party was in a middle class neighborhood.  There were many women there, some hanging outside, some inside.  Many of them were soldiers stationed at Fort Bragg.  It was obvious that they were gay.  Some looked very butch, some very beautiful and feminine.

I saw some of my friends from high school.  *Osceola McPherson was there.  I recognized her immediately. She along with *Muri Johnson assaulted me in a game of dodge ball in the sixth grade.  Ugly bug eyed looking just like a frog *Osceola and tall jet black no hair having Watusi Muri caught me in between third base and home plate and together they targeted my head.  With all the fury of their masculine strength they pelted me in the head with that dodge ball until I lost consciousness.

I didn't come to until my teacher Mrs. Avant administered some kind of smelling salts.  I will never forget it.  Then the next week that tall ugly looking just like something that escaped from a Tarzan movie *Muri busted me in the head with a bat in a baseball game.  To this day I hate sports and will not participate.

I was surprised that my "mother" would take me to such a party and I did have to suppress my shock.  I didn't question her or call her out.  I didn't want to embarrass her.   I thought life had hurt my "mother" enough.  I always had a suspicion that she was gay.  It was obvious to me that she carried a deep hatred for men.  She was raped as a child.  I could understand.  I didn't hate men, but I sure hated that that damn Doster.  That's what we called him; "That Damn Doster".  More precisely; "That damn black a** Doster".  She pretended to hate him.  For some strange reason she kept screwing him after she divorced him.  I think it was because he would do things that her new husband refused to do.

Why did she take me to that party?  Was she trying to see if I was gay?  No, Mathy, I'm not gay.  I am nothing at all thanks to you.  I am "asexual", a frigid non sexual.  I am not homo or heterosexual.  You went too far in your abuse.  I know that you don't care.  Nothing has ever so much as phased you.

Of course I would rather not know these things about you, but they must be known.  People need to understand that Satan wishes to sift them as wheat.  It is absolutely true, the devil is walking the earth, to and fro seeking whom he shall destroy.  People need to suit up.  They must put on the whole armor of GOD.  Without GOD you are defenseless.  You can not win with out Christ.

GOD has called us out of that darkness.  You are repulsive.   You did sink to the lowest depths of sin but you are still a child of GOD.  GOD is still healing me and he certainly protected me from you and your kind.

He that hath ears, let him hear.  "There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick heart."  You can be a wayward hardheaded impertinent miscreant if you want to.  You will not get away.  May you be richly blessed and healed.  May GOD's Holy Spirit encamp all around you.  May you come into the true knowledge of His Goodness, Mercy and Grace.  May your broken heart be healed.

"Know ye the Truth and the Truth will set you free!"  Remember; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness'
Rachel

"Did you hear the one about the...

ugly one eyed woman? It seems there was this real ugly one eyed woman.  She was hideously ugly, only had one good eye and it ran all the time.  She had a lot of missing teeth and she was jet black with short nappy hair.  No body in her little town liked her.  She wasn't educated and it was hard for her to find a job.  The poor thing lived in a little shack near the railroad tracks.

One night the tallest, handsomest, richest man in the town got drunk and in his drunken stupor he took that ugly woman.  It wasn't long before that ugly woman had the prettiest baby you ever saw.

It didn't matter, everyone still hated her, felt they were better than she was.

Some how that ugly woman was able to take good care of that pretty baby.  They bonded and loved each other.  That pretty baby turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to that ugly woman.

Not only was the baby pretty, she was smart too, won a scholarship to college.  Went on to become a lawyer. As a matter of fact, it was at her graduation from law school that one of her high class friends allowed; "Who is that hideously ugly woman?...I sure feel sorry for the person that has to claim her as their mother!"

Now do know this story has two endings.

Ending #1.  The pretty little now lawyer girl stood up for her mother.  Screamed; "How dare you?"  Took her mother home and took good care of her mother.  She became a very prosperous lawyer, made a lot of money.  She had so much money she bought her mother some teeth, got her eye fixed.  It turned out her mother wasn't ugly at all, just needed a make over.  They lived happily ever after.

Ending #2.  The pretty little girl was ashamed of her mother.  Told her mother that there wasn't going to be a  reception and put her mother on a slow bus back to Georgia.  The pretty little girl became a very famous rich lawyer.   She represented the beautiful, rich and famous.  The pretty little girl was never happy, couldn't find any friends.  The old ugly one eyed woman got hit by a train one night.  Seems she got drunk and fell  on the railroad track by her little shack of a house.  Seems she really died of a broken heart because she really loved her very pretty smart daughter.

Your turn, vote for the ending you like the best.  (leave a comment)

To GOD be the Glory!

"If we confess our sins,

He is faithful and just, to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9  That's GOD inspired WORD.

So what are you waiting on?

"Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted WORD, which is able to save your souls." James 1:21

"But be doers of the WORD, and not hearers only , deceiving yourselves." James 1:22

"Evil shall slay the wicked: and they that hate the righteous shall be desolate."  Psalm 34:21

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because (s)he trusted in thee." Isaiah 26:30

"When my father and MOTHER forsake me, then the LORD will take me up." Psalm 27:10

Don't let the devil mislead you!

#1.  "Everybody talking 'bout heaven , ain't going there to heaven."  Mahalia Jackson taught me that.  Everybody sitting up in the "church" , "amening" , praying and "catching the holy ghost" ain't got it, and ain't gonna' ever get it.  They are not going to get it because they don't want it.    The devil lied to them, told they were gong to have to give up something, told them that loving the LORD and living right was a "sacrifice".

Friends you don't Lose anything!  You gain everything!

#2.  When you get the Holy Ghost, when you finally let the Holy Spirit indwell in you, GOD gives you the power of discernment.  These phony "Christians" become crystal clear.  You will become bold in your walk and in your talk.  You Will call that devil out.  You will not let them "mess" over you any longer.  Something inside you will not let you tolerate it.

#3.  You will get arrogant, bold.  You will send the devil packing.  You will tell her about herself and you will not bite your tongue.  You will not be afraid because you know that GOD has your back.  And He has your back for real!  You will no longer repeat "religious" jargon out of habit.  You will know in your heart and in your mind that it Is the LORD leading and guiding you.  You will stand on His promises.  Some days you will get up and count your many, many blessings.

#4.  You will strut.  You will walk tall!  You will put a "glide in your stride and a dip in your hip."  You will feel so good you will have to pinch yourself.  You will glow!  You will beam naturally.  You will watch the "wanna-be Christians" slather on their Fashion Fair trying to look like you.  They are artificial and it shows.  That wig never looks right.  Those false eyelashes and caked up makeup is hideous.  Then the evil witches will get jealous of you, wish to to harm you.  Sit in jealous judgment of you.  But, GOD will pull your coat and tell you; "Its cool baby,I got your back."

#5.  GOD is not going to let them get away.  He has blessings stored up for you. But, He also has something stored up for that ignorant rank reprobate that ran rough shod over your life far too long.  She could have released you when you turned eighteen.  Wouldn't do it.  Ruining you was far too much fun.  Your annihilation was far too much fun to stop, too interrupt.   Taking advantage of the "less intelligent", the gullible, the easily led astray has always been her "thing", her gift.

#6.  He is RENDERING!

Why?

Why do I do this?  Why do I blog?  I am blogging for my life.  I am blogging for my brothers.  I am blogging for all the lost, all the children of GOD still hiding in  darkness.

I blog to heal.  I blog to find out what I really think.  Forbidden to think, forbidden to articulate the truth by my evil "mother" I soon learned to write it down.  I have been writing (secretly) since age eight.

I have a brilliant brother.  He is a medical doctor.   He no longer practices medicine.  He thinks that cruel ogre has won.  He believes falsely that her evil voodoo worked.  He will come to the light.  He will learn the truth.

My brother is one year older but most people always believed that we were twins.  People thought that because we were in the same grade.  My sadistic mother held him in the second grade, demanded that he be retained, said he was weird because he didn't talk.

My brother was always my protector growing up.  He was my hero.  I was in the fifth grade, walking home from Murray Elementary school on the post.  I was walking up Honeycutt Road when I was attacked by this huge big black girl named Donzella.  Her name should have been Godzilla.  She was huge. She too was in the fifth grade but, I think they should have checked her birth certificate. She had to be six feet tall, already had huge breasts.  I was tiny, very petite.  It was my hair.  She said I thought I was pretty because I had "good hair".  She ran up behind me, grabbed me, knocked my thick coke bottle glasses off. There I was, this tiny little  blind dwarf trying to fight, trying to swing on this long tall Watusi.  My brother ran up from somewhere...before she could do any real damage.  My brother was right there.  My brother protected me.  He didn't care that she was a girl.  He beat that "heifa" like she was a slave.  With every punch he landed he taught her a lesson; "Keep yo' damn black a** hands off my sustuh!"

She never bothered me again, and no one else either.  Word got out that we were very hostile and violent.  Was it true?  I guess so.  I would fight too.  I could be prone to violence.  I did have "hood" mentality.  You know; "Come home beat up if you want to, Imma beat yo' a**."

That's what I was taught.  "Nevah mind dat turn the other cheek bulls***!  That's fa' Jesus, you ain't Jesus and He ain't heah!"

We don't have to live like that any more.  We don't have to live in fear and we can trust Jesus.  He will do just what he said.

To GOD be the GLORY.  GOD is going to bring my brother out.  He will practice medicine again.  He is a brilliant, gifted doctor.

My mother taught me...

...this little ditty.  I think it bears repeating;

"White man born with a veil ova' his face, he can tell you things befo' they take place.
  Nigga born with a veil ova' his a**, he can't tell you nuttin' till it come to pass."

She explained that she learned that from her grandfather, Arnold McPail.  He was born a slave.  His father was his master, some poor little African girl was his mother.

Arnold never knew his mother.  The mistress demanded that she be sold.  She couldn't stand to look at her.   I have no doubt that his father was the red headed, blue eyed Scot-Irishman.  My great grandfather was obviously the product of miscegenation, red hair, blue eyes, very fair skin.

My mother explained that his father favored him, trained him in every trade on the plantation.  He was apprenticed as a carpenter, cobbler, blacksmith, tanner,etc.  By the time slavery ended he was well equipped to earn a good living and he did.

He was a tall, strong, good looking young man of twenty-one when slavery ended.  He fathered some children during slavery but, they were all sold away.  I was very proud when she told me that the first thing he did upon becoming a free man was to walk all over North Carolina collecting his offspring.  The fact that a man born into slavery, treated like an animal, had enough humanity to care about the children he caused to come into the world always impressed me.

My mother brags about how her grandpa took favor on her, held her in his lap and told her the fascinating stories of his slave experience.  He was sold at the Market House.  That Market House is still standing right in the center of Fayetteville.

She told me that he loved her because she looked just like him with bright red hair and very white skin.  Perhaps that is the root of her color hatred.  I don't know, I think it is something far more sinister.

"Old man Arnold" was taught to read and write by the "little missus".  His half sister taught him, defied the law.  Did she do it because he was in fact her half brother?  He claimed she did it because he was quick to learn.

The saddest aspect of my story, of my family history, is that my mother along with many of my family members do agree with her, do believe that the amount of white blood running through your veins determines your intelligence.

She tried to teach me that rot.  It is a good thing I had my grandfather , Jerome Walters to refute his abysmal  ignorance.  She tried to teach me that I was designated to be a dummy.  Preordained, stained and marked by GOD to be nothing for the color of my skin.

I realize now she was ashamed of Me for being born black, being born the wrong color.  She lamented our color often; "WHY LAWD!?...Why I have all dese black a** younguns?"  No she is not that stupid!  She is that wicked.

Instead of being ashamed of me, instead of trying to ruin me, she should have been ashamed of herself.  She should should have been ashamed of her low morals.  She should have been ashamed of her low character.  She should have been ashamed of being a pathological liar and a prostitute.

"Know ye the truth and the truth will set you free!"

GOD "WILL RENDER TO EVERY MAN ACCORDING TO HIS DEEDS!"  (ROMANS 2:6)

Any idiot that wants to believe that GOD is a respecter of man, cares anything about race or color is a fool.
If you think GOD brought me to this earth to be your dog, to empty your slop jar, you better think again.

To GOD be the GLORY!.  Be richly blessed and healed.  Remember; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel

"If you don' mine me ...

...axskin' I sho' wish you wud donate yo' body to science when you go.  Cause the wurld need to know, the whole world need to know what kin'ah brain you got.  No, a whole new department of human behave'ya need to be started up.  Sumptin' went wrong...way wrong...some hi, some way.  The wurld need to know if you wuz bon' lak dat or if you come tuh  yo' low state on yo' own.

Yea...Ah do mean to criticize you...I know it makes you fightin' mad...mad enuf to work sum mo' of yo' "roots" I reckon.  Is dat all you eva' lerned hi to do?  Eva' time somebody make you mad, make you jealous, eva' time somebody critsize you, try to hep yo' wayward a** you go to soothsaying, pull out yo' Lost book of Moses.

Not one time in yo' eighty-six years of life has personal responsiblity eva' occurred to you.  NEVAH!  You ain't nevah picked up that Bible to see hi you could better yo'sef, heal yo'sef.  Fool!  Ah know you don' blive that GAWD gave us dat Bible fa' you to use against Hiz churin!  You can't be that stupid!  You anin't nevah been dat dumb!  But you sho dat' evil!

No wunda you always slept wid de light on.  No, Ah wont you brain examined by the wurld's greatest scientist.. Why come you can't feel nuttin'?   Got to pretend to luv and kur.  Didn't you nevah git tired being phony...puttin'on?  Didn't you eva' git tied grinnin' and lyin?  Why you luv to hurt people?  Didn't you eva' feel bad for the awful, awful things you did?

I sho' don' know why no body eva' bothered to kill you?  It won't in GAWD's plan I reckon.  I belive yo' sorry demonic life will lead a whole lotsa' people tuh Christ.  The whole wurld gon' find out that a lot of dese churches ain't nuttin' but buildings.  Beautiful buildings fulla hypocrits and Jesus pimps.

You knew dat didn't ya'? That's why you didn't care, got up dere preaching just as cool as a cucumber.  Put on yo' performance, got your applause and recognition, went on home and did sum mo' dirt.  Ain't nevah cared about anutter' human being in yo' whole life.

You sho' nuff a caution I reckon.  I can't blive yo kin tuh me.  You kin I reckon...that's why I care...that's why I  still bother to try and save you.  Maybe I can't hep tuh save you.  But yo' story gon' save many, might save millions, chile.  I guess dats what you came to do, live the worst life possible so other people will be mo' careful.

No...I don' want nuttin' else you got...I don't evan wont yo' memory.  Can't do nuttin' 'bot that tho.   You sho' left ah impression on me.  You sho' scuffed me up some.  I'm alright tho', I'm alright ni.  Come a long way.  GAWD guided me eva' step of the way.  GAWD heped me tuh slip out of eva' one of yo' pits.

No, yo' body too valuable to go in duh ground.  I still can't imagine!  I still can't git ova' it!  You spent yo' whole life playing saved, playin' sanctified jest to fool people, jest so you cud take advantage of'um....You ain't nevah trusted GAWD!  Why you gon' tell people to do what you cuddin' do? (or wudden do)

I usta wunda if you had some kindda retardation?  No, you ain't crazy...and you sho' ain't dumb.  Yea, you is ignut...jest as ignut as a person can be.

You think 'bout what I said...make plans to leave that brain to science.  The wurld got to know."

*******************

Much peace and blessings to all that read my blog, that share in my purging.  My grandfather always taught me ; "Bedder out than in, dawthur."

I must purge my hurt.  I must reveal this cruel sadistic woman.  Yes, I do pray for her.  I always did.  So did my grandfather and many other very fine people.   Won't you pray for her?  Don't leave her where she is (rotting in the hell of her creation).  Say a prayer for her.  She is worth deliverance.  There must be some good in her.  Be careful, if you can't care about her soul, you are in the same shape she's in (lost in darkness).

To GOD be the GLORY!  Remember; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel