I am embarrassed to know that my own mother was that dumb, was as dumb and primitive as she turned out to be.
What a lost! Well, what does my mother's life prove? It proves exactly what my grandfather always maintained; "You must cultivate the brains." A brain must be exercised. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop."
Martha was pampered, never allowed to wash a pair of socks. Unfortunately the world did not pamper Martha Jane. The world made a fool and a whore out of her.
She was a liar, a person of weak faith and evidently a great deal of gullibility. Actually believing that "chunking dirt" was preferable to reading, studying, earning.
While I am "black", relegated by society to the "negro race", female, short in stature, fat, too old, too poor and broke, I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!
Born June 4, 1951, totally unwelcome , I over came tremendous obstacles, only to be snatched back into that deep dark pit by an ignorant, jealous, deceitful, whorish, root working, mother.
She justified her cruelty and perversion by declaring that I was "too black!". The world that I have occupied for 63 years agrees with her idiot logic. I married a man, so foul, so equally ignorant, he declared the same thing.
Like my grandfather, I will not have it! You will not espouse your ignorance around me and expect me to be grateful for your company. You dullard! You filthy, carnal, swine! GO read a book!
Develop one original thought in your life.
I promised GOD that I will gird up my loins, that I will not be offended by weak minded, weak faith, racists. People that rank people by skin color, by hair texture, by social standing, by wealth.
No, I will not associate with you. I will not associate with people that place boundaries on me, on any one. There is only One GOD, ONE Race, The Human Race!
"Thou fool! Don't you know that this night your very soul will be required of thee?"
How could any one preach such a great sermon and never hear a word she said? How many people are content with being thought a "good Christian"? How many people just put on appearances while inwardly ravenous wolves?
Private Notes - April 22, 2015
GOD gives us many gifts. Some gifts for prophesy, preaching, healing, etc. Our gifts are given to us to help uplift the Kingdom, not tear it down, not to deliberately lead into captivity. The worse thing anyone can do is use their gifts against GOD, against innocent children.
Sure you might do it. You may be very successful in your foul deeds. You may be at a lost to explain why you did the dastardly deeds you did. You will rot in self hatred. You will always feel like slim, like scum, because that is what you are. No amount of money or praise will ever make you feel better.
You will live a paranoid paralyzed life. You will continue to skin and grin, just like a slave, because you are a slave. You are a slave to sin! You are satan's imp. In my case my poor mother was satan's low "ride or die bitch"., his "bottom" whore.
Who wants that honor? The best Mathy could do was take her whole family with her. That way she would not have to face her demons, never have to come clean. Mathy could feel better and dissuade (lessen) her guilt if she could prove, show evidence, that we were the worthless "crumb snatchers", "Luddle black bastards" ; she always declared.
Me, I was special. Why did I warrant so much hatred, vitriolic curses? What did Martha do to me that she could not bear to face? How low did she sink attempting to punish me for her deliberate mistake?mistakes? Her; "You AIN'T SHIT!!!" still burns in my head.
Dear LORD thank you for this last laugh. This poor ignorant primitive fallen woman was busy "chunking dirt" at me. Never bothered to give me one red cent to go to college, did deliberately lie and inflate her income , to prevent me from getting financial aid!
GOD paid her back, made her have to sit there in her disgusting hypocrisy , and watch me march across that stage in the Greensboro Coliseum , wearing my honor cord! PTL!
Like a pesky little viper, Martha was always around, sniffing, signifying, comparing, contrasting and always coming up short. So, she "chucked dust" in her ignorant desperation. Martha was never going to admit that it was her ignorant pride that kept her stuck in the rut she found her fallen life in.
When you have to be long dead before you are fully discovered or known, is a shame.
"Know your truth and be set free." My truth, my own mother did in fact dedicate her entire life to secretly serving "the adversary". Something we all knew. Something we all dreaded and something none of us had the courage to confront.
Push the wrong button on the wrong day, go too far in your criticism, your critique. Just let your perception be right, straight forward, you were going to get cussed out, beat down, perhaps stabbed or ultimately shot.
So, why do I still remain in shock over her MURDERING my grandfather? Shooting Jerome Walters, a man too beloved, too kind, too gentle, too wise. That harlot knew it, she knew it all too well. That is why she put on that Scarlet O'Hara act for years. Wearing all black, declaring that she was in mourning. Did I know that was a sign of her covert demonism? No! I just thought she was a "mentally ill" drama queen. Yes, I was foolish enough to believe that she was mostly harmless. (This ***** was more like a pet Python that did nothing but crush and poison as she pretended to love.)
Did it make me doubt the possibility of her guilt? Deep inside, I know, I knew. I knew when I got that phone call. Conditioned. Beat down. A cowardly imp for my demonic mother. Help me LORD!
Martha suffered from demon possession for sure. Demon possession she well deserved. I am not sorry. If you are foolish enough, ghoulish enough, to raid graveyards seeking power; you deserve to suffer.
And there is no way I will fear you. I have Jesus! You never had any real power, you lunatic! Your victims suffered debilitating shame, that you brought on them, cast on them, and flat refused to ever so much as care , for 87 years.
Demons are demons and demons are REAL! (Why did Jesus spend so much time casting them out?) Preaching eloquent, exciting sermons, that you do not mean one word of, does not remove your evil stain.
You MUST Repent! Anyone too dumb to get that, is not dumb, they are hopelessly evil. "Shun them!" That is what Jesus said.
Don't you come here and dare think your cowardly brutality, your vicious lying two edged tongue, will prevent GOD's Divine Order!
Let it ring from every house top! FREEDOM! Praise the LORD!
Dear LORD, were we made to suffer low these many decades so a low whore could have her way? So that a very immoral, sexually perverted woman could falsely believe she was "having fun"? Did Martha demand to have her cake and eat it too?
Witnessing her take on all those young men when I was 19 has rendered parts of my brain dead. Did she care what affect, what psychological damage it could possibly do to me? NO!
Martha Jane Walters lived the life of a complete low predatory sorcerer for 87 years! If any one in this world thinks or demands that I shut up, keep this abominable truth bottled up inside me, better think again.
I am not Prissy in Gone With the Wind. Nor am I a hapless dullard. I am not a "coon". True I do occupy a world drowning in stupidity, an Intellectual Dark Age. People have gone backward instead of forward.
I will not be labeled by race, color, gender, political affiliation, age or any barrier the adversary throws at me.
No, I will not, nor will I ever say most black people are ignorant and corrupt. I hope not. I will say that most of the ones I've met in my long life are complete vermin. Do know that some low common vermin vipers are slithering on this earth right now, doing the unthinkable while professing to be a loved one, close kin.
"LOOK AT THEIR FRUIT!" The first time Martha did something demonic, she should have been put away. No, she was allowed to continue , unhindered,recognized. Her strength and confidence grew strong as she raided graves and threw "dirt" continuously! Laughing at us, mocking us. Snubbing her "high yalla" face at GOD! Sincerely believing she was getting away, falsely proclaiming that she could never be stopped, and would never be known.
After all, who could believe such a kind, beautiful woman could be so corrupt? so lost? so sneaky? so low?
We were her pawns, her foot stools. She laughed, insisted she was winning, knowing full well she was losing. "You can't win fuh duh fix you in! I can't lose fuh duh stuff I use!" (Always followed by s demonic howl that would curl your hair.)
My mother had to watch me win, foiled plot after plot for over 60 years. Yet, she refused to change. Died lying and cloaking disgusting sin. Died a cowardly loser.
Yes, I will tell you. I will remind this world daily of the wages of sin.
PTL!
Not only did GOD release Mathy over to reprobate mind, satan abandoned her too. satan let her slip up in her old age. satan let her get confused, let her think I was her sister/cousin. Let her spill the beans.
pursue it! It is that cut and dry. Do know "blessing blockers" will get in your way. "Blessing blockers" are individuals that squandered their gifts being foolish childish imps.
They refuse to read, study, honor, respect, be truthful or loyal to anyone or anything. They do demand to be worshipped, lauded, honored while they lacerate you with their two edged tongue . A person has to be a pure fool to tolerate such a creature and a bigger fool to keep her a secret.
No, Martha I will never piss on your grave as you warned me not to. I am not even tempted to dance on it. Your sorry phony life was punishment enough. GOD bless you. Thank you for permitting your father, Jerome Walters, to influence me. Thank you for using him for his money.
I am sorry that you could never love, never trust. I am sorry that you were foul, that your morals were low.
When they (Blessing blocking imps) finally wake up enough to realize their loss, they burn with envy. Suffer with hatred and covetousness. Pay them no mind. Do remove yourself from them. Don't buy that ton of bull**** they are selling. Listen closely. Beware of a person that is on fire for something, for a movement or a person, temporarily. Just as soon as they accomplish what they want, they vanish or like most they are only nice and loving when they want something. "Viciously nasty nice" is their normal.
That man or woman that professes to love you so much, yet cheats on you, begs for forgiveness, yet continues the same pattern of abuse. Puts on a spectacle to prevent you from leaving or calling it quits. Cut your losses now! RUN! I assure you, you are dealing with a lost and "ain't gone never be found" soul.
I assure you, they are not worth the worry, the vexation, the impending sorrow.
If your right eye offend thee, PLUCK IT OUT!" A loved one like my mother should never be tolerated. Do not expect a blessing from GOD for shielding such a woman from her just deserts. If anything you will reap a great curse.
Observe closely, listen carefully. Do their words line up with their life, with their deeds? For nearly every day of my young life my mother did nothing but profess her love for me, for us, for her entire family. Yet, she treated us worse than mangy dogs while heaping phony praise and plotting our destruction. While lying to relatives! While casting her sins on us!
Martha knew full well what she was and why she was. Don't you ever forget; it is Free Will! You do have to pray for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. You do have to desire it.
I can still see it and actually smell it (Martha's favorite Sunday pastime). We sat like four obedient dogs, lined up beside Martha in her finest attire, on the front pew of Wesley Chapel A.M.E. Zion Church. A three hundred dollar Ben Mart suit in the 50s! Kid gloves, Alligator shoes with matching bag, fur stole, little foxes chasing each other, biting each other's tail, feet dangling. Martha sat movie star fine, gloated, demanded to be seen, honored, complimented.
And there we were, four brown street urchins, smelling up the church in our brand new Thrift Shop clothes , ripe with mildew. Nothing matching, nothing in style, nothing new. Martha glowed with all of her ill gotten gain. We were too dumb to know, just glad not to be naked, I guess.
Yes, we arrived in a long sleek car, always the most expensive on the yard. Poor Martha preferred things to truth and righteousness. Just look the part and make them envy. "Pay back is a bitch!"
Was Martha attempting to get those Wade ******* to eat their words? Calling her common, for saying she was common as bat ****! they know she was raped, attacked 3 times! They know her daddy didn't do nothing but run the ***** off. Claimed her mother had something to do with it.
No matter what your truth is, come to grips with it, accept it. Do not cower. You can not live well or successfully as a coward. Believe me I know. I was a deliberate coward for my mother. I just knew that one day she would apologize, tell me how sorry she truly was.
Lies I told myself! I did cry when she laughed at me and cussed me out for having the nerve to question her about my molestation! I sure had some nerve believing I had a right to the Tree of life, pestering a pervert about equality.
Martha always swore that she did the best she could.
"From such stay away!"
I never knew I would be quoting Snoop Dog, but;"You can't turn a 'ho into a housewife." It can not be done.
I am so happy! I do not know how to describe discovering my mother in the book of Malachi! She was a sorcerer! For SURE! And actually a good one. She threw her "dust" (not so covertly) and marriages were destroyed, houses lost, dreams deferred.
So what!? It did not profit her one thing. She did destroy her name. She did put flesh on every WORD in that BOOK!
