I wasn't "Daddy's Little Girl", "Mother's Little Girl", I was just what blacks in Wade Station referred to as a "Throwed away" baby.
All that's cool. I'm just glad to be here. I mean that, that's exactly what I told my mother at fifteen when she forced me to write my grandfather a letter to explain the quandry she had gotten into. MJW had divorced her soldier husband of ten years for a much younger very handsome "yalla" soldier.
The year prior her "short jet black" hen pecked beat down abused cowdardly husband got caught up in some of her sexual deviancy involving me. For some reason he thought that he could disturb my sleep in the middle of the night with his big black dick in one hand and a wad of money in the other.
Time Out!WARNING! This blog is for mature audiences that want to know the TRUTH about our world. My blog is Real, it is Honest. It may be too painful for those born perfect and privileged and have never had to endure any kind of pain. You know, the kind of people that could not understand why the "masses" didn't leave New Orleans before KATRINA hit. You are truly blessed if you have never cursed or had to. Well I promise that you will not get "coodies" or contaminated in any way. My hope is that you will help me to "out" all pedophiles, or at least some of them. I promise to not curse unnecessarily. I am of the opinion that there is no such thing as bad language, only bad experiences. I have survived so many Bad Experiences that I must share them on this blog. I hope and pray my story can save some poor child from abuse.
Back to my story, well I went crying and screaming to my mother. She saved me and a fake fight insued. I know it was fake because she beat him down many times before this and he was always left in a bloody heap. This time it was just a lot of loudness and the motel manager called the MPs (Military Police). She drove right behind them and bailed him out without disclosing the cause of the "fight"
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Have You Ever Noticed?
Have you ever noticed how "uneducated" people are always trying to prove that they are as smart as "educated" people. Always trying to bait you into some inane argument attempting to show off their limited knowledge. "Ugh...what came first, the chicken or the egg? Miss Boston University educated?" Sometimes you find yourself hemmed up in a corner at the family reunion dinner arguing with a cousin that's been to fifteen different community colleges. The reason he has never finished school is because everyone is racist, even the black teachers. Or that whacked teacher really expected them to Read! No one would know you didn't go to college or fluncked out of college if you didn't make it a bill deal.
No one ever said that you weren't a lady. I didn't know what you were doing. I didn't know what you had done. I knew you were the cruelest bitch that ever breathed breath. I knew you would whip a nigga's ass. You might say some smart shit but you were going to pay. Oh yes, there was going to be some blood shed and it wasn't going to be yours. I never saw you get a briuse. I never heard a man talk loud to you.
Your low opinion of yourself made you hate others. Your low self esteem fueled your cruelty. No matter what, you have no excuse. You have been wrong for eighty-four years. How sad. Too stiff necked, too proud, and too ignorant to love God.
How do you do it? How do read a prayer that you stole and pretend that it is God inspired? Why can't you pray? You can't pray because you can't feel anything. You can't feel anything because you don't believe in God and you hate any and everyone that does. A real Christian is a chump to you. Someone to prey on, take advantage of, torture. Why? Because pain gets you off. You smashed that puppy between two bricks because it got you off. What did your parents do to you? Did they beat you? You hated them. How could you hate good people? Because you are Legion! You are a root working demon or a collection of demons. Don't you dare say you didn't have us down on the grave yard collecting goofer dust. And don't you say that you didn't trick Aunt Ollie out of Uncle Will's root working books. "Yea Aunt Ollie I'm gonna burn 'dem up."
But God is so wonderful. He turnes all tragedies into triumps He dries all tears. "For God I live and for God I'll die."
Much Love, Peace and Happiness
No one ever said that you weren't a lady. I didn't know what you were doing. I didn't know what you had done. I knew you were the cruelest bitch that ever breathed breath. I knew you would whip a nigga's ass. You might say some smart shit but you were going to pay. Oh yes, there was going to be some blood shed and it wasn't going to be yours. I never saw you get a briuse. I never heard a man talk loud to you.
Your low opinion of yourself made you hate others. Your low self esteem fueled your cruelty. No matter what, you have no excuse. You have been wrong for eighty-four years. How sad. Too stiff necked, too proud, and too ignorant to love God.
How do you do it? How do read a prayer that you stole and pretend that it is God inspired? Why can't you pray? You can't pray because you can't feel anything. You can't feel anything because you don't believe in God and you hate any and everyone that does. A real Christian is a chump to you. Someone to prey on, take advantage of, torture. Why? Because pain gets you off. You smashed that puppy between two bricks because it got you off. What did your parents do to you? Did they beat you? You hated them. How could you hate good people? Because you are Legion! You are a root working demon or a collection of demons. Don't you dare say you didn't have us down on the grave yard collecting goofer dust. And don't you say that you didn't trick Aunt Ollie out of Uncle Will's root working books. "Yea Aunt Ollie I'm gonna burn 'dem up."
But God is so wonderful. He turnes all tragedies into triumps He dries all tears. "For God I live and for God I'll die."
Much Love, Peace and Happiness
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Have You Ever Been Betrayed?
Have you ever been betrayed children? Has anyone ever manipulated you and led you astray? Well, don't worry because Jesus will fix it. "I stepped in the water and the water was cold, it chilled my body but it didn't chill my soul!"
The mother is the child's first teacher. The influence a mother has over her child is immesasurable. That is why God's mother had to be a virgin, holy, pure without blemish. Of course we all could not be born to a mother like Mary, so God fixed that problem by giving us his Living Word. There is no secret about God's desire for our lives. God gave us his Son and he gave us his Word. Study children! Study to show yourself approved. Today your assignment is to read , study, and extrapolate Proverbs 1 and 2.
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; but fools despise wisdom and instruction." ..."My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not." When I was fourteen years old that woman that I called mother slithered up beside me and cooed softly in my ear; "I know you have urges. If you want to have sex you jest tell me and I will get you sum condoms and Emko." Urges? I didn't know quite what you were talking about. You see I still considered myself a child and I knew that was an adult realm that I didn't want to enter. You were still a cool mother though. We had no curfew. Free as a breeze we could do as we pleased; smoke, drink,"cuss". And "cuss" we did! That is the kink in my armor right now, a foul mouth.
But God had a plan. He put a real Christian right there in our house. What a blessing in my life. True my life has been rugged, but I would have been lost, washed up on the dung hill of this world without the influence of Jerome Walters.
I thank God for you every day Granddaddy. It is not so much what you said, it is what you did. You taught me by example that Love is and action verb.
Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel Doster
The mother is the child's first teacher. The influence a mother has over her child is immesasurable. That is why God's mother had to be a virgin, holy, pure without blemish. Of course we all could not be born to a mother like Mary, so God fixed that problem by giving us his Living Word. There is no secret about God's desire for our lives. God gave us his Son and he gave us his Word. Study children! Study to show yourself approved. Today your assignment is to read , study, and extrapolate Proverbs 1 and 2.
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; but fools despise wisdom and instruction." ..."My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not." When I was fourteen years old that woman that I called mother slithered up beside me and cooed softly in my ear; "I know you have urges. If you want to have sex you jest tell me and I will get you sum condoms and Emko." Urges? I didn't know quite what you were talking about. You see I still considered myself a child and I knew that was an adult realm that I didn't want to enter. You were still a cool mother though. We had no curfew. Free as a breeze we could do as we pleased; smoke, drink,"cuss". And "cuss" we did! That is the kink in my armor right now, a foul mouth.
But God had a plan. He put a real Christian right there in our house. What a blessing in my life. True my life has been rugged, but I would have been lost, washed up on the dung hill of this world without the influence of Jerome Walters.
I thank God for you every day Granddaddy. It is not so much what you said, it is what you did. You taught me by example that Love is and action verb.
Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel Doster
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
It Is Not About You
It is not about you or me. It is about right, it is about justice. And it is Biblical prophesy. "Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord."
I am telling my story because the Holy Spirit compels me! "Judge not that ye be not judged" Don't you judge me. Do not tell me what I should or should not do. It didn't happen to you. This is my cross to bear and I am going to bear it. I am going to tell the world what crimes we stealthly and clandestinely commit against our children. Yes you are guilty and stand in judgement. We are all culpable. When we whisper and gossip and fail to intervene. We shake our heads sadly and move on taking care of our "business" and maintaing our perfect fronts. Most people that I know have actually suggested that I keep this story secret because it makes black people look bad. So what! "It is what it is." Let the chips fall where they may. If you think the color of one's skin is a ligitimate dividing line and predictor of character you are lost and beyond my ability to enlighten.
Time Out! and Time Up! "Come ye out from among them." I am a member of that peculiar race and "I will not equivocate and I will be heard!"
If you are over twelve years old and had to use a dictionary or google to fully undrestand me that is to your credit. I salute and thank you very much. You give me hope that there is at least one more seeker of knowledge, an empathetic human being demanding justice for all.
Much Love, Peace and Happiness
Rachel Doster
I am telling my story because the Holy Spirit compels me! "Judge not that ye be not judged" Don't you judge me. Do not tell me what I should or should not do. It didn't happen to you. This is my cross to bear and I am going to bear it. I am going to tell the world what crimes we stealthly and clandestinely commit against our children. Yes you are guilty and stand in judgement. We are all culpable. When we whisper and gossip and fail to intervene. We shake our heads sadly and move on taking care of our "business" and maintaing our perfect fronts. Most people that I know have actually suggested that I keep this story secret because it makes black people look bad. So what! "It is what it is." Let the chips fall where they may. If you think the color of one's skin is a ligitimate dividing line and predictor of character you are lost and beyond my ability to enlighten.
Time Out! and Time Up! "Come ye out from among them." I am a member of that peculiar race and "I will not equivocate and I will be heard!"
If you are over twelve years old and had to use a dictionary or google to fully undrestand me that is to your credit. I salute and thank you very much. You give me hope that there is at least one more seeker of knowledge, an empathetic human being demanding justice for all.
Much Love, Peace and Happiness
Rachel Doster
Sunday, June 20, 2010
What I Always Knew
What I always knew...I always knew my "mother" was a loose woman. I always knew that she didn't love me. I knew that I was just a thing to be tolerated, a dumb brute animal that she kept out of the goodness of her heart. What I didn't know...I didn't know that the woman I called "mother" orchestrated and participated in my brutal rape.
It was the night that she made me drink a huge cool-aide glass full of Creme -de-mint Liqueur. I was only eight years old. She came home with this liqueur claiming that she didn't want us to grow up ignorant like she did. "My dumb ass nigga' parents didn't teach me shit about life! I don't want yall going out in the world ignut lak I did." She got out the glasses and told us to pour a drink. Just like a child , I poured a huge glassful. I even put ice in mine. Suddenly; "Ya greedy ass nigga' Ni you drink it! Drink every fucking drop!" Of course I was totally obedient to this terrorist. I don't know what happened after that other than I remember this excruciating pain in my tiny eight year old vagina the next day when I woke up. A few days later you put me on a train to visit and meet my father for the first time in my life. Were you mad because my father refused to marry you? Did you want to send him damaged goods? Am I over thinking this? Was this simply a case of primitive animalistic lust? Are you really that selfish? Are you unable to care about another living person? Wild animals in the zoo don't do what you did to me.
I know you don't have any remorse, but do you have any guilt, or just possibly a slight hint of regret?
"If I did anything, it was out of ignorance." you blasted sarcastically. Was that supposed to be a half ass apology?
"You remember too much!"
So it's my fault?
To any one that reads this blog, this is my catharsis, this is my healing. I am sorry if I embarrass you or leave you speechless when I drop the "incest" bomb. Yes, I am an incest survivor and I am telling any and everyone that will listen.
Why? I want the World to know that Jesus Christ is Real! His Love and intercession is awesome. "This Joy I have, the World didn't give it to me and the World can't take it away."
A word of warning and caution to all none believers and scoffers, the devil will make a fool out of you. He will trick you, make you think that you are greater than what you are. The devil will entice you to do things that will make you "shame" one day. The devil doesn't want you to be able to hold your head up. He wants you beaten down with sin and guilt. He is never content with just destroying your life, he wants to destroy you and every one you touch. Satan wants to destroy generations. The evil practiced by one family member can imprison families for generations.
"Happy Father's Day" Jerome Walters. I Praise the Lord for you! Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for loving me and protecting me . Thank you for loving and protecting all of your children, grandchildren. Thank you for living a life worthy of high praise and emulation . Thank you for being a great patriarch, thank you for blazing the trail. If any man needs an example of a great father he need look no further than Jerome Walters (b. July 12, 1894 - d. February 10, 1979)
"Count it all Joy" (James 1:2)
Rachel Doster
It was the night that she made me drink a huge cool-aide glass full of Creme -de-mint Liqueur. I was only eight years old. She came home with this liqueur claiming that she didn't want us to grow up ignorant like she did. "My dumb ass nigga' parents didn't teach me shit about life! I don't want yall going out in the world ignut lak I did." She got out the glasses and told us to pour a drink. Just like a child , I poured a huge glassful. I even put ice in mine. Suddenly; "Ya greedy ass nigga' Ni you drink it! Drink every fucking drop!" Of course I was totally obedient to this terrorist. I don't know what happened after that other than I remember this excruciating pain in my tiny eight year old vagina the next day when I woke up. A few days later you put me on a train to visit and meet my father for the first time in my life. Were you mad because my father refused to marry you? Did you want to send him damaged goods? Am I over thinking this? Was this simply a case of primitive animalistic lust? Are you really that selfish? Are you unable to care about another living person? Wild animals in the zoo don't do what you did to me.
I know you don't have any remorse, but do you have any guilt, or just possibly a slight hint of regret?
"If I did anything, it was out of ignorance." you blasted sarcastically. Was that supposed to be a half ass apology?
"You remember too much!"
So it's my fault?
To any one that reads this blog, this is my catharsis, this is my healing. I am sorry if I embarrass you or leave you speechless when I drop the "incest" bomb. Yes, I am an incest survivor and I am telling any and everyone that will listen.
Why? I want the World to know that Jesus Christ is Real! His Love and intercession is awesome. "This Joy I have, the World didn't give it to me and the World can't take it away."
A word of warning and caution to all none believers and scoffers, the devil will make a fool out of you. He will trick you, make you think that you are greater than what you are. The devil will entice you to do things that will make you "shame" one day. The devil doesn't want you to be able to hold your head up. He wants you beaten down with sin and guilt. He is never content with just destroying your life, he wants to destroy you and every one you touch. Satan wants to destroy generations. The evil practiced by one family member can imprison families for generations.
"Happy Father's Day" Jerome Walters. I Praise the Lord for you! Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for loving me and protecting me . Thank you for loving and protecting all of your children, grandchildren. Thank you for living a life worthy of high praise and emulation . Thank you for being a great patriarch, thank you for blazing the trail. If any man needs an example of a great father he need look no further than Jerome Walters (b. July 12, 1894 - d. February 10, 1979)
"Count it all Joy" (James 1:2)
Rachel Doster
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Every Good and precious gift is from God!
You poor ignorant woman. How dare you suffer with insane jealousy. Don't you know that every good and precious gift is from above? You call yourself an ordained minister, what Bible are you reading? Aren't you tired of maiming and mauling? Have you ever felt an ounce of remorse in your eighty four years of life? It is not the quantity of your life, it is the quality. You have no quality, very little to be proud of. How can you get up in the pulpit preaching and praying knowing full well you are the worse hypocrite . YOU SHOT YOUR OWN FATHER IN THE HEART BITCH!!! Yet you stand behind that pulpit telling your congregation that your poor old father could not wait on the Lord and committed suicide! I am beaten down with shame and guilt. Six grandchildren, and a host of nieces and nephews, stupified by fear and grief let you get away with it. I stood at the foot of my grandfather's bed mortified, struck dumb and speechless when I heard you say; ""Your Daddy was so neat, see where he put the gun back after he shot hissef." Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h! She DID IT! I knew you did, X knew you did. My blind cousin X said you did it and boycotted the funeral. Spinless simps? No, your terrified dehumanized minions. But, Jesus said "FEAR NO MAN!" And he said "...from such stay away." "Get thee behind me Satan." I know; "Judge not that ye be not judged." I am not judging you, I am describing you. Character is what you do in the dark. You are a being of very low character. Your eyes beg for pity pretending that you can't help it. You can help it. You have been weighed in the balances MJW and found wanting. May the Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on your miserable soul. For once in your life take responsibility for your own actions. All of your pain and anguish stem from the fact that you are an incorrigble reprobate. My grandfather, Jerome Walters was a kind and gentle man and I will not let you malign his good name. How dare you! You can't be as ignorant as you pretend! I do not believe God is going to let you continue you diabolical deeds unchecked. Before I was formed in your corrupt womb the Lord Jesus Christ planted a seed of love and compassion in my heart for my fellow man. For sixty years you have tried to destroy me. The Holy Spirit has always interceded and protected me. The Lord Jesus Christ plucked me from your demonic schemes time after time, yet you never learned and you never ceased. Your demon spirit has out grown your sheeps clothing and you are standing in the pulpit with the blood dripping from your ravenous jaws. I see you,you can't hide. The Devil tricked you. Low these many years you have committed treacherous unspeakable sins totally unscatched. You work your "roots" and laugh. You can deceive the simple but you can't fool me. It's not that I'm so smart or have such a great memory, it is my anointing. I know that I am anointed. It is nothing that I chose. We are all apart of God's miraculous plan. I am very glad that I'm not you, too proud, too stiff necked to repent. "We did't come here to stay always." Time winds down from all of us. No one has the right to take anyone's life. Jerome Walters lived a wonderful Christian life and he deserved a natural death. Granddaddy told you many many times and I'm telling you; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
You are dismissed, Bitch!
I am old and retired. Why am I still dealing with a skank 'ho that did every thing in her power to ruin me? All I know is that time changes all things and you will surely reap what you sow, so watch what you are sowing.
I am a fifty eight year old incest survivor determined to snatch the sheep's clothing from my "mother" and reveal her for what she really is; a perverted reprobate.
I have finished my autobiography; "In My Mother's House". My memoir is the result of my healing. Copious writing has always been my method for venting and communication.
I want to scream to the world that some sexual deviates are the MOTHERS of their victims and they get away with their sins by donning clerical robes and prancing around in a pulpit for show.
Do not be fooled. 'Be as wise as a serpent, but as gentle as a dove.'
She is an ordained minister! Or so she claims. She is a pathological liar. But Simon Temple in Fayetteville, North Carolina thinks very highly of her. Again, so she claims. But I do have her tapes. I do have photographic evidence that she thinks she is a PREACHER
My concern is not for myself. I survived, I do want to sound an alarm in order to save future generations from her ilk. I want to be instrumental, a driving force, in breaking this generational curse.
Read I Cor 2:9. It's great!
I am a fifty eight year old incest survivor determined to snatch the sheep's clothing from my "mother" and reveal her for what she really is; a perverted reprobate.
I have finished my autobiography; "In My Mother's House". My memoir is the result of my healing. Copious writing has always been my method for venting and communication.
I want to scream to the world that some sexual deviates are the MOTHERS of their victims and they get away with their sins by donning clerical robes and prancing around in a pulpit for show.
Do not be fooled. 'Be as wise as a serpent, but as gentle as a dove.'
She is an ordained minister! Or so she claims. She is a pathological liar. But Simon Temple in Fayetteville, North Carolina thinks very highly of her. Again, so she claims. But I do have her tapes. I do have photographic evidence that she thinks she is a PREACHER
My concern is not for myself. I survived, I do want to sound an alarm in order to save future generations from her ilk. I want to be instrumental, a driving force, in breaking this generational curse.
Read I Cor 2:9. It's great!
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