"You remember too much!"

She screeched in that same hateful condescending tone she had used for 59 years to control me.  That was the voice she used when she wanted to make me cry. I knew it well.  It was a harsh stinging lash from her two edged tongue. She used that  voice to remind me of how despicably black I was, how dumb I was,unfortunate, unlucky, poor, broke.  That was the voice she used to tell me that the world would reject me.  It was that voice that taught my brothers to hate me.

The sweet feminine siren was reserved for conning, conniving  and manipulation.  That was the voice she used to call me every June 4th to sing Happy Birthday so sweetly.  To tell me how I was the most beautiful baby she had ever seen.  To remind me that I was born "yalla" with freckles. How I had this one huge black spot on my back.  How everyone in the hospital told her I was going to turn black.  "Sho nuff you turned black as a crow jest lak dey said you wud!"  In the most caring melodious motherly tone she would tell me every year how she came up with my name.  "I named you Rachel because I knew who would have to take care of you and I named you Gwendolyn because I thought that was the most beautiful name I ever heard."

After reciting the whole sorry saga of how my father abandoned her, refused to accept his manly duty, she would apologize for not having any money to send me a gift or a card.  My mother always drove a flashy new Cadillac and wore the finest clothes, but my birthday always fell at the wrong time.  She had to pay her taxes or needed a new roof. It was always something.  She always knew what I would say. "That's alright mother.  I love you.  I know you love me. I don't need a gift."

Yes, I remember too much.  It is indeed an incredible miracle how much I can recall.  I have clear memories starting at age two. It is as if GOD put a video recorder in my brain.  But, you need to remember some things.  You need to remember that GOD is just and can not lie.  "What is done in the dark shall surely come to light." You need to remember ; "...that we should be holy and without blame before Him." (Ephesians 1:4b)  You should remember ;"For GOD hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love and of a sound mind." (2nd Timothy 1:7)

I remember that GOD is good! I remember to put all my trust in Him! I remember ;"...behold , I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be." (Revelation 22:12)

Peace!