You can't define me!

How are you going to define me when you don't know who or what you are?  Work on yourself first.  GOD told you to; "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling."   No, you didn't pay that no mind.  Your daddy told you to "never do anything that you would be ashamed to admit you did."  You made sure you ignored that advice.

You refused to go to college, dropped out, fled or something.  But, you had the nerve to take your daddy's hard earned tuition money.  You pretended like you were still in college.  You lied! You acted out a lie.  When you got found out, discovered, you hated. You hated everyone that told on you, that talked about you.

Not one bit of remorse or regret.  No apology, no promise to pay the money back.  Just mad! Just angry; "Don't you sorry a** n****** say S****! to me."  "Eva'body always talkin' bout me! Stay out my bizness! Git yo' own bizness to tend to.  GAWD made you and GAWD damn You!"

That's always been your attitude Mathy and that is why you have floundered and failed.  You poor woman.  For 88 years you have failed to see the error of your ways.  GOD told you that; "envy is rottenness to the bones."  You deliberately chose rottenness.  All the while claiming that you were the most brilliant, the most beautiful, the kindest, the most generous.  All lies from your corrupt imagination.


No, you will not remain anonymous.  My immediate and extended family will not remain clueless. My brothers can remain in your clutches if they want to.  I won't! and I will tell!  For those of you that advise me to;"get over it, already."  How? How do you get over a life time of secret torture? How can you not think about it? Not be consumed?  Sure it is easy for you to say if your biggest problem has only been a hangnail.

How can you understand my plight, empathize with me, if you had a normal loving mother?  You have no reference. It is beyond your comprehension.  It is not that you were luckier or more blessed.  The life GOD destined for me is the one that I have lived and enjoyed.

I enjoyed every failed scheme.  You never gave me one red cent to further my college career.  Why? Were you hoping I would drop out, give up?  I called you at the end of every semester crying because A.&T. would refuse to let me take my exams until my tuition was paid.  You always said the exact same thing;"I ain't got no f****** money!" , while you tooled around town in your new Cadillac.

From the way I've been spilling my guts on this blog for the past several years it is obvious to both of us, that I always knew.  I knew when you threw those dry unwrapped peanut butter sandwiches in my Superman lunch box, when I was six years old that you never cared for me, never loved me.

Perhaps I can't understand "lack of natural affection".  But, GOD can.  He can understand His children that He was forced to release over to a reprobate mind because they refused to listen, refused to obey.

I can't hate you for not loving me.  The truth is, your "not loving me" was the best gift you ever gave me.   That and my grandfather, Jerome Walters.  How any one with such a loving wise father could turn out so blind and ignorant is beyond me.

It is like you loved taunting him with your disobedience.  Your loved flaunting your many sins in his face.  Then cursing him out if he dared to say anything.  Why the bullet? Why did you shoot your own father in the heart?  What kind of mind do you have?  How could you perpetrate such a cruel hoax against such a righteous man?

You are not trying to put your pea brain up against Almighty GOD, are you? Yes, I was always afraid of you.  No, it was more than afraid.  I was terrified!  I was terrified to know the truth.  I didn't want to know.  I didn't think I could bear it.

"Know ye the truth, Know ye the truth, Know ye the truth ..."  Jesus kept talking to me.  Kept telling me; "Fear no man! Fear no man!..."

I know that I never would have made it without GOD on my side. Woman! You fell low and can't get up.  Your phony friends won't help you up.  They are glad that you are in that ditch.  How could you choose evil over good? How can you prefer satan over the LORD Jesus Christ!?  Did you really believe that your hair and color entitled you to have your way?

Well,  you have hated me for 62 years for absolutely no reason.  You always said that my mouth ran like goose s*** under the moon light.  (you are so eloquent and picturesque in your speech)  Maybe this blog will give you reason.  Perhaps now your awful hatred can be justified.   No ... I've got to talk about you.  I must tell.  This is the only way I can heal properly.  This is the only way I can know what I am really thinking.

You know that.  You are a prolific writer.  No, you never published.  But, you could have.  Yes, you could have been a beauty queen, a great actress or a great writer.  Poor Martha, you chose evil.  I don't know why.  I do know that you can "unchoose" it.  You can rebuke the devil.  You can still give your life to Christ.

No, I am not going to stop talking about you because you life is too juicy.  You are much too clever an imp for the devil to slip by unnoticed.  I never thought I would say this but, thank you for hating me.

Stay in His WORD children.  Remember;"Apart from Christ we are nothing."

May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth, engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)