Simply Red - Holding Back The Years

I love this song, in some ways it sums up my life.  Here I am a 62 year old, still a toddler, still a little girl waiting on the mother that abandoned me to come back and finally love me.  It is never going to happen.  "There is none so blind as she who refuses to see."  So, I'll keep holding on, still knowing that the worse liar in the world is the liar that lies to herself.

So I came into the world pre-hated and unwelcome.  To this day my mother is not quite sure who my real father is.  But she hates me! She still hates the men that refused to marry her or could not marry her.  No, it is not that she could not get a husband.  She married many times legally and illegally, over and over.  Poor Martha is a very old woman that still refuses to know GOD's truth and refuses to let you tell her.  Tell her if you dare and she will rain down curses of thunder and lightening.  She will beat you and strip you naked.  You will live in fear pretending that you don't know.  She is so terrifying and abusive that you are willing to go to hell with her.

You don't  dare remember all of those terrible sins she successfully committed against you.  You scream aloud; "Where was GOD!? GOD why did you let her do that!? Where were YOU!?"

Little children, GOD was there.  He promised to be with you always.  What you don't know is that it would have been far worse for you without GOD holding you in the palm of His hand.

You don't have to live in shame.   You no longer have to suffer in silence.  Rebuke that devil! Study the book of Revelation.  "...These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb." Revelation 7:14

That's me!; I cried.  I certainly came out of great tribulation.  Severely sexually, physically and psychologically abused by my own mother and her men.  Stalked and hunted by a slut from the lowest rungs of hell for my entire life.

My beautiful testimony is that I don't cry any more.  That malignant narcissistic psychopath can't squeze any more tears out of me.  I refuse to be part of her narcissistic supply.  " ... and GOD shall wipe away all tears from their eyes." Revelation 7: 17b (Study the book of Revelation.   Pay close attention to chapter 7)

Stay in His WORD children.

Rachel,

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