I boo-hooed like a baby

I'll be singing, washing dishes, walking my dogs and suddenly it will hit me like a ton of bricks; 'YOUR MOTHER NEVER LOVED YOU! AS A MATTER OF FACT SHE HATED YOUR GUTS, WANTED TO SEE YOU DEAD! EVERY DAY YOU SURVIVED HER EVIL SCHEMES MADE HER MADDER THAN THE DAY BEFORE.'

Realizing all the successful harm my mother managed to get away with in 87 years does cause me grief.  How one woman could remain so ignorant, foul and treacherous for so long and leave here with mourners at her "home going" mystifies me.  She told me not to piss on her grave for knowing the Truth! Martha Jane Walters was a common whore of the greatest magnitude!  She was so disrespectful, ignorant and confused that she took to preaching.  GOD said NO!!!

Reviewing all of the one shoe madness, the 2 am raid on my room and closet, all the sneaky coercion. Years and years of name calling, making sure that I would hate the sight of my black skin.  Growing up afraid to ask for anything. "DON'T CHU BLACK MUTHA F******* ASS FO' A MUTHAFU******* THANG!!!  I AIN'T GOT NO MUTHAF*******MONEY!"

It was our fault, mainly mine, always needing s***.  S*** like clean socks and underwear, toothpaste, soap, shoes, good school clothes, ink pens, pencils, notebooks.  My stupid ass classmates called me selfish because I refused to share.  I would rent you my pen.  Yes, you could copy my notes , provided you paid me.

Children, when you have a stark raving maniac  monster at home, a hideous troll that you help hide because when you came on the scene, that is what everyone else was doing.  My grandfather's only advice was; "When your head is in the lion's mouth, don't make any sudden moves."

S*** N******! You could have killed the f**** lion by now.  We could have done like cave men, tricked her into running off a cliff.  No, we kept her.  Why? We loved her.  We truly did.  She wasn't that bad when you weren't the target.

She was a riot, playing Tonk all day, drinking and smoking.  Our mother was the coolest.  I could always drink (and did), smoke, pretty much do what ever I pleased.  Anything that could potentially ruin my life, I was permitted to do.  I never had a curfew in my life.   I pretended like I did  because even I knew that their was nothing in Fayetteville but trouble after midnight .

I laugh because I was the designated mother!  Forced to mother my younger siblings starting at age five.  I could change diapers, feed, babysit, wash dishes and clothes. I never had much time to be a "child".  F*** the idea of a mythical Santa Claus.  Why is this big black ugly hideous salami looking dick starring me in my five year old face!?

Both of those n***** buzzards deserved to be taken out and skinned alive, tied to a red ant hill, smeared in their own fecal matter.  GOD said NO!  How dare you come to this earth and commit such sick sins! You are a reprobate and you know it!

You better be glad that you are both dead.  You better be glad there is not time machine.  If I could go back to that day when that common ass n**** had his ugly ass penis pushed into my face I would cut it off! Just slice it off and feed it to the hogs! I would haul him out into the street! Tell the world what kind of pervert he was.  A sick pedophile that joined Uncle Sam's Army, pretended that he wanted to help, wanted to serve his country. What a crock!

And that mama! That Mathy Jane! How did you escape the loony bin?  Loud, lying , extremely violent and extremely whorish.  You took sex and made it something disgusting, revolting.  You were nasty, knew you were nasty.  All you ever wanted to be was nasty.  You succeeded.  Did you lose count of your lovers? Did you lose count of your schemes, the men you crushed, the lives you ruined.  Were you ever remotely satisfied?

I see now, that death was the only solution for you.  You were a woman of your convictions, a common slut.  A woman mad with the world because there is no reward for extreme whores.  Keep whoring, keep quiet. You really believed secrecy was the answer,  Just as long as no one knew, just as long as no one told.  You knew, dummy! That is way you always felt dirty, never felt good enough, felt inferior, because you were.

The day you announced;"The closer kin, the deeper in" is the day you should have killed yourself or sought help. That very idea is ugly and dark.  It is the mark of satan.  Searching graves for power was not free Mathy Jane.  You paid dearly.  I must tell because no woman on this earth should be allowed free reign like you were.

I only have one thing to say; don't claim to be big and bad if you have to sneak to accomplish your plans.  To GOD be the glory! He revealed you, truly revealed you, not a minute too soon.

I have so many gifts granted to me during my conflict, my ordeal. I am not angry.  I am glorified! I will not lie.  I will not harbor or cloak.  I will tell!

[Excerpt from The JR WALTERS Chronicles   AUGUST 20, 2014   ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.]