Dear LORD,

I am praying for the mentally ill.  That of course includes myself.  I am fragile.  But, I'm saved! I love the LORD!  I know I have The Holy Ghost!

It is something in my heart.  It has always been there.  It was my destiny to experience Martha.  I do pray every day to not hate her.

As I reflect over our dilemma; a psychotic, sadistic , mother.  She often claimed that she did the best she could.  Martha was a hater, a childish spoiled brat and ironically a true pioneer in the art of sexual perversion.  Bold enough to be a lesbian or at least bi-sexual but always too cowardly and secretive to admit it.

That means my poor mother lived underground.  That in itself had to make her hate herself. Personally I don't think GOD hates homosexuals.  As a matter of fact, I greatly appreciate a man that can find the courage to love another man in this lying hypocritical world.

And truthfully, what man, what male could ever love or truly trust any woman after experiencing Martha?  (Bitch saved me from Lesbianism)

Certainly my mother suffered with a severe mental disorder.  If there ever was a Malignant Narcissist, she was certainly one.  The truth is every single person on this earth is suffering from some kind of psychosis.  We are NOT perfect!

No matter what you've done, no matter how long you've done it, GOD loves you.  It is not a trick!  You do have to humble yourself and ask GOD to forgive you of your sins.

I panicked earlier today.  I was so proud of the post I wrote this morning.  I hit the wrong button and it disappeared, it is floating around in cyber space some where.  I know why I panicked.   My mother threw so much of my writing, my clothes, and my things away( secretly of course), that I have anxiety attacks when I lose or misplace anything.

People do not understand trauma.  I am traumatized!  I think that I am functioning pretty well. however  . I kept a professional career for 30 years.  It was through Divine Order that I was able to retire at age 57.  I am doing exactly what I want.  I write, create art, work in my garden and watch Gunsmoke and Cheyenne all day.

[Excerpt from THE JR WALTERS CHRONICLES   September 20, 2014    All rights reserved.]