I will fear no evil because thou art with me!" Praise the LORD! "Jesus Will stick to you closer than a brother." My poor foolish birth mother was determined to prove that she was smarter than GOD. She just knew she could use His WORDS, His book to prey on others.
The very sad fact is that she nearly got away clean. No, it was not that we didn't know, didn't get a taste of her evil vindictive nature often. One thing for sure Martha always convinced us that we had no one on our side. That GOD was too dumb and much too slow. We were black as tar, fatherless bastards and should just shut the f*** up and be glad she didn't treat us worse. She was the best we could ever hope for, so we better tip toe, cow tie , bow, bend, scrape and grin. Hug on her only, love her only, honor her only, because we knew how fragile and insecure she was. Giving someone else a gift or compliment, no matter how cheap or slight, produced instant nightmarish hell.
Martha could be and was often a notorious common whore with her "yalla" legs always up in the air. Please GOD, help me to understand this enigma , this woman, common beyond belief. What kind of woman, what mental issues could cause a mother to invite her 19 year old daughter to a "party" in the Day Room of her much too young lover? The fact that she was married to someone else did not stop her or slow her down. What kind of mother would subject her daughter to Sodom and Gomorrah sin? (Why was my mother the only woman to engage in sex? in the open? with everyone looking and gasping before the three young soldiers finally felt uncomfortable and moved her into another room?) Why did she hate me ? why did she pretend to be a stone, a deaf, blind zombie, while I was screaming in her ear; "Whhhhyyyyyyyy mooooooother!?" Why plot to exact a pound of flesh from me via her "voodoo"? Was it because I actually witnessed her filthy lust played out? Was it because I knew? Or was she mad because I refused to participate? Was she upset, perhaps embarrassed , that the entire room of young men reviled her? Made her feel very uncomfortable when she rejoined the "party"?
She was still sneaking off having sex with the ex-husband that she knew molested me severely. Did she care? No. Was extremely pissed that I objected to his perversion. That my "lameness" foiled her demonic plan.
My mother always claimed something was wrong with me. Noticed that I wasn't sexually active. Ridiculed me for being a virgin. "I don't know whut you trying to take it wid you fo'… dey ain't nutting' wrong wid you …is dey?"
One of my mother's last proclamations before her death; "If duh good LAWD made anything bedder dan sex, He kept it of' Hiz'sef!"
I do believe sex is primarily mental. Your level or desire for sex is determined by your beliefs, your thoughts, your experiences and your understanding of pleasure.
Crucify the flesh children. Sex ain't all that. GOD bless you abundantly. Still pressing on the Upward Way. I will go alone. It's cool. GOD has my back. I have a smile in my heart, a sincere prayer for all those bound by satan.
[Excerpt from The JR WALTERS Chronicles September 12,2014 All rights reserved.]
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