That is what you will do when you find yourself owned, controlled, and completely manipulated by a sick, sadistic whore. You will not forget it either. We, my family, put up with, accepted, and loved a vile repugnant reprobate, simply because we were bonded. Trauma bonded, but bonded just the same.
She was everything evil GOD predicted, and worse.
GOD told me that "separation was preparation". He told me to stamp PTL! on everything, that it would irritate the truly despicably evil. How could I know that I would lose nearly every person I ever considered to be a friend? How could I know that I would lose my entire family?
It really doesn't matter. I had no choice. It is ALL IN DIVINE ORDER! Jesus told us that mothers would be against daughters. That many hearts would be deceived, waxed cold.
"Waxed cold" means unfeeling, uncaring, selfish. Selfish and proud. It means being foolish enough to believe that you don't need GOD. That He is the figment of superstitious minds. If you are not careful, not rooted and grounded in the Holy Ghost, you will become something that you are so ashamed of, you will lie and continue to live in denial.
You will continue to try and fill that cold empty space in your heart with the pleasure you derive from inflicting sadistic pain, that you pretend is innocent.
My mother; "Oh! did I do that!? Why did I do that? What!? I threw all of your manuscripts away! (he-he-he, they will believe me…I'm so good at what I do. I'll be dead 50 years before this dumb ass world ever knows I was here!)"
For 87 years my mother was a sick sadist! From brutally beating babies, child rape, scaldings, conjuring and MURDERING!
Too many in this world claim they don't believe me or they just tell me to shut the fuck up because they don't want to see me in pain. Bullshit!
Or, get this!; "You seem to be soooooo angry, …just stop thinking about it! Just let it go!…I mean really!? must we hear your diatribe about helping innocent children? I'm sorry, that's their tough luck…should not have been born…shit! ..what can I do about it!. .A "Like" , a "share"… pleeeeeze…that would associate your name with my name! and GOD forbid such a thing! You are looney! You are weird! You read too much! You know too much! You love GOD too much …Oh, how are you feeling? You are getting close to that big 70 , you know. And your life did not turn out like you planned, did it? Tough shit nigger! Sucks to be you!"
You just don't give a shit! It sucks to be me and better luck in my next life and it would not bother them one bit if I hurried up and crawled into my dirty little grave , because I have messed up their "high"… Their perfect image of this imperfect , extremely corrupt world. I alone have shaken their image of our perfect world by whining about my pitiful little nigger life.
"GET OVER IT!!!!! I AM TRIED OF HEARING ABOUT THIS SHIT ALREADY! I don't care
if your grandfather was a brilliant man, in covenant with GOD! He was just an old black nigger dirt farmer! Why would I ever care to listen or tell anything about an old black nigger man that believed and trusted in GOD, so much so, that his own daughter MURDERED him and got away with it! I don't care what the Bible says about Abraham and Covenant living. It is all a bunch a crap! And NO, I do not buy that crap about GAWD talking to you since you were four years old, leading and guiding you!
If your GOD is so good, so caring, why did he let all of that happen to you for so long? Get a grip! Get like the rest of the world! Get what you want for yourself! Writhe and die in pure hatred. Get in line, lie, scheme, scream, scrimp and scrape with the rest of this lock stepping world. If Jesus throws you a life saver, throw it back! "
'WHY CAN'T YOU GET OVER IT!? Shit! Who gives a shit about you!? So, you were foolish enough to try and earn love from a straight pure demonic strumpet! That is your ignorant ass fault. You should have seen! You should have known better!"
Well, MARTHA JANE WALTERS, I don't know what kind of spirits you collected off of those graves. But, I do know they were your undoing. I fully recognize that you destroyed an entire family. You did destroy a good man's legacy. You were so successful, I am the last man standing!
I am the last grandchild with some energy, some wisp of hope left.
Today I feel like I am standing alone on a cliff, out on the ledge of a lonely outpost. I may fall to my death. I may surely perish. It doesn't matter. I can't go back. I can't go back to spineless. I will no longer permit myself to be bullied and pushed around in order to feel accepted, "loved".
Any one that can not love me, warts and all, need not bother pretending, spinning ever so convenient alibis. True, I am a tortured artist. But, unlike Van Gogh, I will not cut off my ear. While your rejection of me is gut wrenching, I believe I can take it. I can handle it. Because NO ONE ON THIS EARTH CAN EVER MISTREAT ME MORE THAN MY OWN MOTHER DID FOR MY ENTIRE LONG LIFE!
I can take a punch in the gut! No, I don't want to. But I can take it. My body and mind is very strong now.
I am very proud to announce to the entire world, I MADE IT TROUGH! I kept GOD in my heart. I kept my trust in Christ Jesus! All I can say is Praise the LORD!
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