I see it now. It is crystal clear. No "commoner" woman has ever lived. Not lived and pretended to be proud , while writhing with pure humiliation and deep degradation!
"Common as bat shit" ; was the snide remark that followed behind my mother like a black cloud. It was true. No restraint! No decency! No discretion! Catch her if you dare! Open your mouth to object, criticize or admonish , if you want to.
The tantrum, the "can't-get-no-mo'-ignut-and-live" demon was coming out of Mathy Jane and you were about to suffer some needless pain!
Forget it! "I am tired of hearing about it!" "I don't care how many men and women are on their way to being just like her. They all just have to learn such women exist through some other medium. Like, Martha, I am all for myself. Why should I ever bother to care about innocent children? It is not me! I am not hurting! I am not ashamed! I am finally the person I always wanted to be."
Sometimes I fine myself rather terrified when I put all the pieces together and come up with my real mother. When I put her corrupt flesh on GOD's WORD, on His warnings.
My LORD from Zion! I only have one thing to say, one LOUD CRY! STAY AWAY FROM CONJURE AND VOODOO! It will turn you into a "Martha Jane", something too common to know or ever acknowledge. A fallen woman, so foolish, she thought fake preaching would save her from the watchful Eye of Almighty GOD. GOD SAID NO!
I am very sure 1959 was the worse year of my entire life, the year I was savagely raped by my evil closet, sociopath, mother, and her ignorant, savage, just as primitive, husband. It was also the year I met my "father" for the first time in my entire life! The year I finally got a pair of glasses. I was legally blind as a bat for the first eight years of my life. 20/80 in my good eye, 20/100 in my left eye. Won a lot of art contesst that my mother promptly threw away. That was the year she dressed me like some strange clown and sent me to my Girl Scout meeting. On and on an on, until I finally left. I left this planet and just said fuck it!
I, we , played along with this evil bitch. You , we, could not win. I think it was her low commoner-tha-bat-shit-nature, the fact that I was the only girl and I was the complete opposite of her, that made her target me the most. She made me her scapegoat! I praise GOD! What if she had made me her mini-me?
It is also the year I took to writing something I called "Private Notes". My ignorant, savage, demon possessed, retarded ass, dumb ass, nigger ass, mother, would take all of her self loathing out on me. Screaming her deep hatred for my black skin, for my status as a bastard, for being a crumb snatcher, for always needing shit.
I am 63 and still get up early to write my pirate notes;
Private Notes, Thursday, February 26, 2015
Are you educated or in fact just indoctrinated? What do you really believe? Who told you GOD gave you a beautiful, full of life body, that you are forbidden to touch? The thought of being caught terrorizes you to shame. Torn by human impulses and insane ridiculous religious doctrines and myths, we develop a hatred for GOD.
Since the history of lying mankind GOD has taken a hit, blamed for everything man can not explain. Lazy, sick, mentally ill, insanely jealous, satan, spins lies and assigns their origin to GOD. Blind, cripple, deaf, dumb, just as phony "saints" perpetuate more rules, more stupidity.
Man is stupid. He is a lost, blind sheep. I don't care what your issue is or was, GOD can turn it into a blessing, if you ask Him. Just ask Him! Just humble yourself. Get baptized. (Go under the water) Baptism is a symbol of humbleness. It is physical evidence of your commitment , your sincere desire to live right, according to the desires of GOD's Heart, according to the desires GOD places in your heart.
I review my Private Notes, astonished. What did that woman tell me over and over? "Don't nevah git baptized agin! Dey ain't but one baptism! Oh and don't nevah read Revelation neither!"
Praise GOD Almighty! I know that old imp for satan , Mathy Jane, was never that smart but she did keep a out a keen eye for mischief. It was when I over heard her talking about how she had been baptized, under the water, finally, how that sprinkling won't nutting' but some mess!
I swooned! Fell down in my chair, praising Almighty GOD!
Private Notes, Thursday, February 26, 2015
Are you educated or in fact just indoctrinated? What do you really believe? Who told you GOD gave you a beautiful, full of life body, that you are forbidden to touch? The thought of being caught terrorizes you to shame. Torn by human impulses and insane ridiculous religious doctrines and myths, we develop a hatred for GOD.
Since the history of lying mankind GOD has taken a hit, blamed for everything man can not explain. Lazy, sick, mentally ill, insanely jealous, satan, spins lies and assigns their origin to GOD. Blind, cripple, deaf, dumb, just as phony "saints" perpetuate more rules, more stupidity.
Man is stupid. He is a lost, blind sheep. I don't care what your issue is or was, GOD can turn it into a blessing, if you ask Him. Just ask Him! Just humble yourself. Get baptized. (Go under the water) Baptism is a symbol of humbleness. It is physical evidence of your commitment , your sincere desire to live right, according to the desires of GOD's Heart, according to the desires GOD places in your heart.
I review my Private Notes, astonished. What did that woman tell me over and over? "Don't nevah git baptized agin! Dey ain't but one baptism! Oh and don't nevah read Revelation neither!"
Praise GOD Almighty! I know that old imp for satan , Mathy Jane, was never that smart but she did keep a out a keen eye for mischief. It was when I over heard her talking about how she had been baptized, under the water, finally, how that sprinkling won't nutting' but some mess!
I swooned! Fell down in my chair, praising Almighty GOD!
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