My bucket got a hole in it ...

I share a few similarities with brother Hank:

• Very humble beginnings
• Callous, cold mothers, alleged to be prostitutes
• Very lonely , Forced to become lonely for so long, I actually prefer lonely.  I know something is wrong with me.  I don't care.  I do not like to be around people very long.  I get nervous, jittery.  I know that is fallout form my stank whorish ass mama. 

 Am I angry because I failed to whoop her ass one good time?  Just once!  I know why I didn't.  It did not have a damn thing to do with respect , either.  That MUTHAFUCKER WAS A REAL MUTHAFUCKER AND THAT AIN'T NO JOKE!

 My mother was the Original Debo!  She would have kicked Debo's ass.  My mother would have had Debo's ass some where in a corner, in a fetal position, sucking his damn thumb!

I know why I'm mad as hell.  I think I held on too long.  I do want to kick my own ass for holding onto a pipe dream.  Why couldn't I admit that the bitch was just another worthless. loveless. lying ass, whorish ass, WHORE!

Because I loved her!  Because she was lovable between bouts of envy, jealousy, setting up, leading astray, trying to destroy.

Martha could not listen, she had too much pride and too little faith.

Martha was a con artist, the best I've every seen.  Unfortunately for her she was ignorant and all for self.  Now I'm rally angry.  "ALL fuh 'sef'" ; are the exact words she used to control me, to take my money, to break me down, to make me her "bitch".

Strangely, as much as that woman made me suffer, I would  NEVER, could NEVER be predatory like her.

Well, she sure put flesh on the term Reprobate.  She knew she was one, too!  This poor , fallen, broken , woman, thought she enjoyed it.  Pretended that it was an honor.  Never did accept responsibility or apologize for anything she ever did.

It became rather pathetic. I'm listening to this very elderly woman continue to lie, to make up excuses, to spew hatred.  I bought her act.  Her words would betray her, however.  It would be laughable, except for the real lives ruined.

"I'm just sending up timber …building my house on high!"  (What a load of crap!  I know she doesn't believe I'm buying this.)

Five minutes after declaring she was sending up timber to Heaven to build her home she would start vowing; 'I AINNNNNNNNNT REEEPENTIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGG FUH SHIIIIIITTTTTT!"

Sadly, I never had the courage to contradict her.  I knew her answer;

"I'm 'gon lay my religion down, cuss you ass out!  ….   din pick it back up again."

Did Martha suffer from an undiagnosed multiple personality disorder? No!  She was just "two-faced", phony, envious.  She was a NIGGA!  A true NIGGA!  Did racism create her? NO!

Martha Jane Walters was a nigga, nigger, a person off very low character, because that is exactly what she wanted to be.

I must laugh, actually scream with JOY!  It is amazing.   All this crying, bemoaning, researching and healing over what this monstrosity and her co-horts did to me, …and the destroyed art,books of prose and poetry,  manuscripts …  Viola!  I have a book!

Praise the LORD!

What is it?

It is GOD'S DIVINE ORDER!