"These eyes …"

These eyes tell me that my mother lied.  These eyes tell me that I live in a country that lies.  Rather than encouraging me, encouraging others,  my mother made the choice to use her beauty, her intelligence to enslave, to use and abuse for her carnal pleasure.  Like so many people she pretended that she could not help herself , that every one was worse than she was.

No wonder you told such horrible lies on me.  You tried to push me in that direction. Luckily for me I didn't always take the bait.

Martha, rather than secretly hating yourself, suffering from low self esteem, why not face your issues and improve?  We all have issues.  We all have problems.  Money does not make you immune to pain.

I'll never forget how you taunted me before you died, finally half-admitting you were an evil root worker and you had successfully robbed me of my dreams.  Woman! No one's life turns out like s/he plans.

Look at Jesus on the Cross, praying to GOD to take "this bitter cup if it be thy will LORD."  So, you destroyed every dream I foolishly shared with you.  How did that benefit you?  If anything it hurt you financially.   Why did you think making people beg you to keep their lights on, gas on, to pay their rent , warranted  any favor, was a sign you were benevolent?

Why did you lie on my granddaddy claiming he never gave you any money?  All you ever did was take his money!  You MURDERED him for his money.  You stanking whore.  I'm sorry for calling you so many names.  I got it from you.  That is all you ever did.  I remember you always calling me a "black heifer" when I was an infant, a toddler.  You  didn't like me, you never loved me but,  you had no problem trying  to destroy me.

Martha, no one can make anyone like them, love them.  If some one doesn't love you, what is the point of begging them?  Why become their enslaved bitch? "If somebody hits you, hit them back!", remember.

You were outraged that I could betray you, tell on you, expose you!  What about you!?   What mother does what you did and can never  humble herself to apologize?


Dumb bitch.  You should have read a few books instead of pretending you read them.  Martha you were a serious whore, a promiscuous slut, a pervert.  But, that is not what destroyed you, brought you down.  It was your pathological lying, your never ending lust, your preaching falsely.  It was your serious greed!

You deliberately kept your love from me.  Thank you.