I Will Not Be Silenced!

"...Go ye, and tell that fox, behold, I cast out devils, and do cures today and tomorrow, and the third day I shall be perfected." Luke 13:32

Monday, April 4, 2011

Eminem - Cleanin' Out My Closet

Come Boldly to the Throne of Grace!

You preached it many times. Didn't you mean it?

You can squirm and cry all you want but I am not going to let you off of the hook. I AM NOT GOING TO TURN THE TRUTH INTO A LIE! for you. Who do you think you are? GOD is no respecter of man. You never really believed that your color made you better. You always knew this day was coming. You just never knew that it would come so soon.

You're looking back over your life, back tracking trying to fix it with LIES! It can't be done.

My grandfather was a good man with a good name. "A GOOD name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor than silver and gold." (Proverbs 22:1) Your daddy told you that, you dismissed it as rubbish.

You told me that I always thought I was better than every one else. Your opinion is your reality. You always thought that you were the smartest person on earth. You think that you are smarter than GOD. As a matter of fact you have a god complex. You think YOU decided and determined my fate. WRONG! Now at the last you finally realize that GOD IS LARGE AND IN CHARGE. No one can come to your rescue. I know you are desperate when you spend hours on the phone seeking sympathy from your victims.

You were hard headed and refused to listen to your father. You are incorrigible and refuse to obey GOD. GOD is not going to change His laws because you don't like them. GOD is not going to erase your mistakes because of your tears. "The more you cry the less you piss."; is what you always told me. Me, a pitiful little girl abused beyond human comprehension. YOU DID IT! You promised your mother on her death bed that you were not going to abuse me any more. YOU LIED! You let your sick lust control your life.

Quit lying on me! I am not terrorizing you. I am not sneaky. Yes, I called the Fayetteville Police department. I didn't do it sneakily. I did it boldly. I told them my name and all the circumstances of his death. YOU HAD NO RIGHT! You had no right to mistreat my granddaddy. He loved you. He never denied you anything. He never abused you and he never called you names. He never reminded you of your past or rubbed your mistakes in your face. He was a good man with a good name. You don't get to take his life and destroy his good name.

You don't get a pass because you are old. "You will reap what you sow." Was it worth it? Was two minutes of "pleasure" worth your soul? Do you really think that you are that smart?

Yes, you ruined me, you utterly destroyed my life. I don't want any vengeance. "Vengeance is mine sayeth the LORD. I shall repay."

"Let it GO!" I will not! You will not wreck, ruin and eviscerate lives for seventy years and think you can manipulate your way into "heaven". No you can't change the past. But, YOU can APOLOGIZE!

You will not dismiss me as a piss ant. You will not wipe your feet on me. I know no body cares. I can't help or change the nature of MAN. I can't make you love me or make you sorry for what you did. But, I can stand up for myself. I can tell my story until some human being finally listens. I can warn people about vipers. I can be a voice for abused children.

You think you destroyed my good name. You did destroy my name to people that don't count. People that I didn't need in my life any way.

I know GOD is Good because I am still standing. Yes, I'm feeble, I'm broken, I'm a mess. You say that I don't have good sense. I guess I don't. GOD protected me from brain damage. You knew better. You beat me in the head just because you could. Did it make you feel better? Did it give you joy?

I want you to confess and apologize to all of your children. That's the least you can do. You can say that you are sorry.

Children, disobedience to your parents, to GOD, will lead you to ruin. But that's alright. GOD can fix it. At the Name of JESUS every knee shall bow, every tongue shall confess.

If you want to be healed, if you want to be set free, call on the Name of JESUS!

Stay in His WORD children. Read and study the Bible for yourself. "Keep yourself up much as you can." Remember, "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness'
Rachel

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Stevie Wonder - Higher Ground

You Know Better

You know better and you ought to do better. Did You really think GOD was going to let you get away with so much evil?

Don't get mad with me I'm just a messenger. You read the Bible just like I do. Ask GOD to bind that demon. It's as simple as that. You know it preacher. "By His strips you are healed." I have seen you heal yourself of illness my times. It is not a matter of what you can't do, it is a matter of what you want to do.

"Then Peter said unto them, REPENT, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost." (Acts 2:38)

"REPENT, ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be BLOTTED OUT, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the LORD;" (Acts 3:19)

You know GOD's WORD, the choice is yours. Are you going to rot in Hell because of your pride? Every body knows you are guilty. You are cold busted.

How do you think I know these things? GOD revealed them to me in His own time and in HIs own way. I didn't know that you hated me. How could I? You were my mother, I trusted you. I had no one else other than my grandfather. He never said anything bad about you. He just told me to love you; "Baby, always love your mother. Be good to her, look out for her." I don't think that he knew either. He didn't know that you hated him. Maybe you never fully admitted it to yourself. Your fruit proves it.

Of course I always loved my grandfather more than you. He was always good to me. He made me feel good about myself. You should be in jail now for the way you beat me all in the head when you were trying to teach me to tell time. You know that I was blind. I was 20/80 in my good eye and 20/100 in my left eye. You beat me and slapped me, snatched my head around by my hair. Worse than the brutality was the "cussing", you called me every dumb f***** retard known to man. You did all of those terrible things to me and you expect for me to be "normal". You're not normal. "You remember too much !"; you growl.

Yes I loved my granddaddy and I am going to restore his good name. My grandaddy exemplified Galatians 5:22- 23; "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance:>>>"

Now you are Galatians 5:17 - 21; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, WITCHCRAFT, wrath, strife, sedition's, heresies, envyings, MURDERS, drunkenness, revellings, and such..."

I just stopped by to tell you;"Be not deceived; GOD is not mocked: for WHATSOEVER A MAN (WOMAN) SOWETH, THAT SHALL HE ALSO REAP." (Galatians 6:7)

You better quit lying on me. You are not fooling any real "Christians". You did wrong. You know you did wrong and you know that you should free yourself from the burden of your many sins.

You were fractured by an evil man. That didn't make you evil, that made you violated. You violated me, but I did not become evil.

I do struggle with this; "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." (Galatians 6: 9)

I am yet holding on because my grandfather held on.

The Devil is a liar! I will not let go! I will not let it go! You can not out wit GOD! Your days of guile and manipulation have come to and end.

The choice is yours.

"Keep yourself up as much as you can." Remember, "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel

Saturday, April 2, 2011

"Tell the Truf Snagle Toof"

I love language, I collect words like some people collect sea shells or salt and pepper shakers. I hear the music in words. It is a gift, it is in my DNA. I come from a very long line of orators and story tellers.

I am an avid reader. "A book a day will keep ignorance away." I love knowledge, I want to know. I want to know history, philosophy, psychology. I am an intellectual, that's me.

I am hated. I have been the victim of extreme hatred my entire life. I do hope and pray that no one has to endure the "demons" that I have.

Back to "Tell the truf snagle toof"; that was something I often heard my "mother" say. She too is a word crafter, an orator, a great writer. I think "intellectualism" is the source of our friction. A very intelligent woman she rarely had to study in order to pass. Perhaps her gift of genius intelligence became a curse. Lacking self discipline and tenacity she left college early.

It doesn't matter to me, it never mattered to me, but it must have been important to her. Now I need you to listen very carefully so that you fully understand my plight. Born to a beautiful, intelligent fractured woman was my fate. For what ever reason she told me repeatedly how she gave my black a** away. Never content to leave that belittling information alone to fester in my brain, she would add tantalizing little tidbits like; " I gave you to a bull dagger...she ran a 'ho house."

Looking back I have to wonder what was her point? Was she bragging or confessing? Why did I need to be reminded of that fact so often? I am not the only child that she treated cruelly. I will not tell their story. Perhaps they will let me put it in book number #2.

It is obvious that she set out to ruin me. She let me know early that she rejected me because I was too black. "I'm light bright and damn near white!" she always boasted. "My mama nevah had a black a** baby inhur life!"

I know now it was never my color. An evil foolish woman she was determined to ruin me. She did, she was very successful on that note. Her extreme sexual and psychological abuse rendered me a total eunuch. You can't miss what you can't measure, so I am cool with my celibacy.

Let me get to my point. I totally forgive her for every horrible thing she did to me over 58 years. But I refuse to remain her docile simpleton. I refuse to remain cloistered in her narcissistic world where she is perfect and infallible. I refuse to bend and bow, skin and grin, jump to her commands. The lion (Lion not Lioness) is toothless. She is powerless. I finally peeped her game. I finally figured her out. It is awful, it is a dirty rotten shame. She knew better! She could have done better, should have done better.

Our "churches" should do better. Our "pastors" should do better. I loved school, I had many great teachers,but I never left my learning up to any teacher. If I could quantify what I "know" I am sure I taught myself most of what I "know".

I will not be fooled by flamboyant "ministers" that merely entertain with their fair words. I will call a spade a spade. I will; "Tell the truf snagle toof."

Be Blessed. Remember, "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel

Friday, April 1, 2011

You Won't Talk to me

You talk about me like a dog. But,you won't talk to me. You put my name on the highway knowing full well what an absolute liar you are.

Not one word that I speak has been a lie. Our truth is sickening and repugnant, but every word is true. How and why you ended up doing so many terrible things to so many people for so long I will never understand. Why are you such a liar?

I know this, you were very upset with *XXX (your tall beautiful niece) for lining the toilet seat with an entire roll of toilet paper. You claimed that her mother had told some vicious lie on you to make her do such a thing. It upset you so much that you wrote volumes about it. You were insulted and defensive.

There is something that you need to think about. Why have so many people lied on you for so long? Every time you found yourself in a jam it was the result of some one's lies.

You said I never gave you any trouble. Why would I grow up and cause you such heartache? You know you should be ashamed of the way you treated me. What lies did you tell my cousins about me? You told them that you sent me the letter full of feces. Did you tell them why? There was no why. I was clueless. I was clueless my entire life. I still have no idea why you mistreated me over and over.

There are a lot of things I don't understand. The scars you inflicted are deep, they remain unhealed. There is a pattern to your madness. You commit horrible decadent sins that you can't stomach. Things too sickening for you to own so you blame your accuser or victim. You lucked up on a family of cowards that bend over backwards to stay in your good graces. I want no parts of you or them. I will not give up the right for the wrong. I will not shut my mouth and I will not bite my lip. I will be heard. You abused the wrong person too long for no reason.

That Bible you preach from is real. GOD is just. Your time is up.

"Gawd don't put no mo on you than you can bear"

That was the sermon, that's what the preacher preached. "Gawd don't put no mo on you than you can bear." I was in shock. I started to get up and leave. I was attending the funeral of a neighbor. Her abusive husband had stabbed her at the bus stop on a street in Atlanta. The year was 1986.

I lived in a beautiful little brick house that GOD blessed me with; 969 Gaston Street, I won it!

I don't remember the lady's name. She just ended up in my backyard one day. We sat on my stoop and talked as our toddlers played in the green plastic turtle sandbox.

Her stories were shocking. She was in hiding that very moment. The man she married was a terrorist. He was very religious, very into God. He sang in a Gospel group and attended church every Sunday.

She went on to tell me why she was so afraid of him. He had tried to kill her before when she tried to leave him. She was in the closet packing her things, she was finally leaving after years of abuse. He walked into the closet and fired several shots into her brain. She told me that she languished in a coma for over a year. She had to learn everything over, how to talk, how to walk.

I asked her why she went back to him? She said he begged her to forgive him., she had four children for him and they loved their father. Besides, her family refused to help her. Her mother told her: "I ain't got no where to stay myself."

She was on foot because he took her car, a car that she bought and paid for.

She begged her twelve year old son to stop calling his father. He didn't. The son told his father exactly where they were "staying". She was standing at the bus stop waiting on MARTA (Moving Africans rapidly through Atlanta).

He ran her car up on the curb, jumped out and started stabbing her viciously in the neck until she finally died.

"GAWD don't put no mo on you than you can bear." was the best sermon that preacher could come up with.

I don't know what ever happened to the man or the four children. I know that I don't agree. GOD does not want his children to suffer. I will never believe letting someone abuse you because they claim to be kin is what GOD wants for us. Jesus told us to;"Shun the very presence of EVIL."

I too know pain. I know what it is like to be stalked and hunted. I know what secret hate feels like. I know phony religious fanatics. I know people that go to church every Sunday with hatred bubbling up in their hardened hearts. I know murderers that go unpunished and unrepentant.

I know GOD is a Good GOD and he is JUST.

I know justice is coming. Abraham waited on the LORD and he blessed him with a son at one hundred years old. I was born June 4, 1951 to a fractured woman who has made me suffer the worse excruciating pain anyone could imagine. My relatives pretend that they don't believe me. They would rather believe that I am a liar, shun and ostracize me before they will confront that "root working" demon.

Time will tell. Sadly, it will be too late, but they will discover that they rebuked the wrong one.

GOD's love can not dwell in an evil black heart. Gold crosses and expensive robes can not hide who you really are. GOD KNOWS.

Stay in His WORD children. Remember, "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel