"Tell the Truf Snagle Toof"

I love language, I collect words like some people collect sea shells or salt and pepper shakers. I hear the music in words. It is a gift, it is in my DNA. I come from a very long line of orators and story tellers.

I am an avid reader. "A book a day will keep ignorance away." I love knowledge, I want to know. I want to know history, philosophy, psychology. I am an intellectual, that's me.

I am hated. I have been the victim of extreme hatred my entire life. I do hope and pray that no one has to endure the "demons" that I have.

Back to "Tell the truf snagle toof"; that was something I often heard my "mother" say. She too is a word crafter, an orator, a great writer. I think "intellectualism" is the source of our friction. A very intelligent woman she rarely had to study in order to pass. Perhaps her gift of genius intelligence became a curse. Lacking self discipline and tenacity she left college early.

It doesn't matter to me, it never mattered to me, but it must have been important to her. Now I need you to listen very carefully so that you fully understand my plight. Born to a beautiful, intelligent fractured woman was my fate. For what ever reason she told me repeatedly how she gave my black a** away. Never content to leave that belittling information alone to fester in my brain, she would add tantalizing little tidbits like; " I gave you to a bull dagger...she ran a 'ho house."

Looking back I have to wonder what was her point? Was she bragging or confessing? Why did I need to be reminded of that fact so often? I am not the only child that she treated cruelly. I will not tell their story. Perhaps they will let me put it in book number #2.

It is obvious that she set out to ruin me. She let me know early that she rejected me because I was too black. "I'm light bright and damn near white!" she always boasted. "My mama nevah had a black a** baby inhur life!"

I know now it was never my color. An evil foolish woman she was determined to ruin me. She did, she was very successful on that note. Her extreme sexual and psychological abuse rendered me a total eunuch. You can't miss what you can't measure, so I am cool with my celibacy.

Let me get to my point. I totally forgive her for every horrible thing she did to me over 58 years. But I refuse to remain her docile simpleton. I refuse to remain cloistered in her narcissistic world where she is perfect and infallible. I refuse to bend and bow, skin and grin, jump to her commands. The lion (Lion not Lioness) is toothless. She is powerless. I finally peeped her game. I finally figured her out. It is awful, it is a dirty rotten shame. She knew better! She could have done better, should have done better.

Our "churches" should do better. Our "pastors" should do better. I loved school, I had many great teachers,but I never left my learning up to any teacher. If I could quantify what I "know" I am sure I taught myself most of what I "know".

I will not be fooled by flamboyant "ministers" that merely entertain with their fair words. I will call a spade a spade. I will; "Tell the truf snagle toof."

Be Blessed. Remember, "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel