No Visible Scars

My beautiful precocious daughter was only 22 months old, but she was wise beyond her years. I was getting her ready for bed and she took her little high top hard walking shoe off and and pulled off her own sock and pointed to the bottom of her foot reciting; "beat me...beat me." Somehow I understood. My day care provider, Miss So and So, who was so religious, saved and sanctified and just "luved de churin" had been beating my little baby on the bottom of her foot. Some how my daughter was able to explain to me that she and some other toddlers got caught playing in the toilet and that someone beat them on the bottom of their feet. That's smart, if you are corrupt and demonic. Beat the kid and leave no visible scars.

Just because you can't see my scars that doesn't mean that I am not maimed, molested, and generally messed up.

What kind of mind is that? What kind of an adult finds corporal punishment against a baby necessary? I know all about it. I experienced it. I witnessed it. That's low. that's common. Any person that cruel needs to get some help. You do the despicable. You know that it is despicable so you put your demonic mind into over drive conjuring up ways to conceal your guilt, go unnoticed, unscathed, unpunished. Shame on you.

There are people that know people that abuse babies, abuse children. They see, but they don't do anything. They don't lift a finger to help. They might call DCS if you owe them some money or make them mad. "It ain't my business."; they excuse themselves and go on with their perfect fake petty little lives.

Why is it o.k. to beat children of color? Do we care about little black children? Would a day care provider dare touch a little blond haired blue eyed baby?

My daughter tells me that I sound angry. If she only knew. It is not anger, it is anguish, it is the most excruciating pain that I hope and pray she will never have to experience. I want to shave my head, wear sack cloth, smear myself in ashes. My silent primal scream sears my brain. Help me LORD! Help me Jesus! I pray all day over and over. Bind that demon LORD! Reverse this generational curse is my fervent prayer.

You may say you know my pain. I appreciate your empathy, but there is no way you can know my pain if you haven't been forced to live it.

Did she have a plan? Was she focused? I said that she didn't. I said that she was just another imp for the devil. But, is she really? How can any one person inflict such pain and degradation on so many people for so long unnoticed, unpunished?

Is she that smart or just uncommonly evil? Mean enough to beat, torture and abuse children and smart enough to get away. Devious enough to leave no visible scars.

Not one visible scar. But, look at her children! Broken, broke and trying to salvage just a little dignity, clinging desperately to hope.

Shame on you Mathy Jane. No, not for what you did or for what you are still doing. Shame on you for being a cold heartless unrepentant reprobate. Shame on you for leading your granddaughters astray. Shame on you for your negative hateful thoughts. Shame on you for pretending to love our Dear LORD when you know you can. You just won't. Shame on you for being unable to love.

Why can't we love all of our children the same? We can, "we" won't. Fifty-nine years and nine months on this earth has taught me that most people are weak lying wimpy pretend "Christians". Of course I sound bitter. I am bitter! For me to sound any other way would be very phony and pretentious. I am not now nor have I ever been pretentious. I am what I am. I am not ashamed. I am proud and victorious. I have and unspeakable indescribable joy.

Trust GOD, children. Trust Him with all your heart and your mind. If you can't pray. Ask GOD to show you how. If you want something, fast and pray. Most of all, stay in His WORD. Study the Bible for yourself. "Keep yourself up much as you can." Remember, "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel