Dust My Broom - Elmore James

I'm excited!

"Power to the People"!  I lived through the sixties. I was a bra burner.  (I never burned one, just stopped wearing them)  No I didn't look nasty or pendulous.   I was fine and perky.

I have always been bold and bodacious, honest and forthright.  I don't believe in a superior race.  I know money and status can't make you happy.   Financial security is not necessarily a blessing from GOD.

I'm feeling good.  I am retired, I don't have to hit a lick if I don't want to.  I can look back on a well lived outspoken life.  My motto has always been; "I don't take tea for the fever!" I got that from my "mother" ironically.

I always believed my "mother" to be heroic and pioneering.  I watched her maintain her own cars, build a deck and beat a man's a**.  (many times)  I knew I would never be an abused woman.  Bold and bodacious I could take a stage or microphone.

The greatest gift I acquired or inherited from or through Martha, is the gift of critical thinking.  If critical thinking is stimulated from a lack of trust, I am the champion.

Make sure you know that no man can ride your back if you stand up.  Stand up to evil.  Don't be a wimp! Never let anyone make you cower or grovel in the dust.  If they beat your a**, they beat your a**.  Fight'um!  Fight'um back!  If you have to use a brick or a bat, gather all the courage and muster you have to let that devil know she is in for a fight.  So you got fooled.  So what?  Yea you fooled me for a minute.  Had me confused for fifty-eight years.

  "Sophie home nigh!"  You used to yell ; "Come get yo' beatin'!"  You come get yours!  Come get this truth!  Come get your "come upance".  Come get what you deserve, hiding behind GOD's cross.  How are you going to use GOD to fool GOD?  You didn't work that out did you?  What is going to happen when your minions find out that they no longer have to fear you?  You're 86 years old!  You can't strip any one naked, tie, gag and beat them bloody senseless now!  Your "roots" ain't working!  Your lies are failing.  You can only fool the volunteer defeated and dimwitted.

  Never go along with wrong doing and lies.  No matter how repugnant, how foul , stand up for the truth.  Stand up for justice. Stand up for your grandfather, Jerome Walters!  He stood up for you.  He feed and clothed you and never said a mumbling word.  He was proud to do it!  He called you a jewel in his crown. Stand up for the truth.  Trust GOD! He will bless you.

Stay in His WORD children.  Remember; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth, engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn Doster (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)

"She went running,

running to the city crying there is a man that told me everything I have done."  I sing that Mahalia Jackson song often, silently, in my head.  I grew up with music, I have my own sound track in my head.  It was great music.  Gospel, rhythm and blues, country, classical and some jazz.  I love music.  I know I can't live without it.

I never just listened to the music, I listened to the words.  That woman that Jesus met at the well heard GOD.  Listened to him.  She humbled herself, repented of her sins.

As a child I thought that was an example of what any woman would do if confronted by the LORD, by the truth.  Be careful, that is not true.  GOD  reminds us in Proverbs how a foolish woman tears down her own house with her own hands.

"The wise in heart will receive commandments: but a prating fool shall fall."  "He that walketh uprightly walketh surely: but he that perverteth his ways shall be known." (Proverbs 10:8-9)

"In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found: but a rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding." (verse 13)

Well I was wrong.  Wisdom and understanding is not automatic or common place.  Stupidity is an awful waste.  But when we see it, we have to recognize it and call it what it is.

"He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool."  You are a fool Martha, a silly extremely whorish woman.  A violent despicable manipulative wicked woman.  That's the truth, your whole life in a nutshell.  You may have conned my brothers into keeping you a secret.  I won't! Why? You're still stupid! You're still fallen and corrupt.

So, you still have some blind followers, some still live in fear of you.  So what?  Do you think you've fooled GOD?  You are groping in the pitch black darkness, afraid to come to light.  A tiny depraved piss ant still trying to fight GOD.  No, you are not laughable, you are a heartbreak.

I do want to share this with you today.  That sick hatred you always felt was not for me, or for us (the children that you screamed you hated and wished you had never had)  it was for you.

 I can recall it like it was yesterday.  I am sure I have mentioned it in my blog often.  "Oh! mother, thank you for buying that dishwasher.  It has helped me so much." I pleasantly and sincerely complimented you.  Sure, I was lame and naive, up early every morning cleaning your house.  (You thought you were torturing me.  The fact is you were teaching me self discipline)

You said nothing.  You pretended to not hear me. How could  I know I struck your hate cord?  How could I yet know that you were on a mission to utterly destroy me a thousand times worse than you ever destroyed yourself?   The next morning I found that second hand dishwasher laying on it's side in the backyard, discarded.  It lay there for months in the wind, in the rain, in the elements, rusting, useless.

  Now please permit me to play psychiatrist.   Only you knew that you shielded a deep hatred in your heart for me.  The ultimate coward and liar you were never about to admit that your condition, your life,  was the result of your hard head and rebelliousness.

I was a budding beautiful young lady with high moral standards and that disgusted you.  Perhaps I was the young lady you always wanted to be.  No, you never came out and said directly or clearly that you hated me.  But,you sure set me up.  Why did you need for me to be the whore that you were?  No, you wanted me to be a worse whore.  You want me to be a crack addict whore.  Relax, that is never going to happen.

Again, make sure you get this.  I was not the object of your hatred.  You suffer from self hatred, self loathing. And you should.  This was around the time you were screwing that fat, ugly, stank walrus, Mr. Smith.  I did tell you that he "stunk", because he did.  You defended him by saying he worked in a fertilizer factory.  I said; "He's married."  You said; "His wife is cripple, she is an invalid.  He is waiting on her to die.  He has a lot of money and no children."

I was too honest, said everything that crossed my fourteen year old mind.  Evidently my truth hurt your feelings. In your still childish corrupt mind, your "hurt feelings" justified your sick sabotage.   Pray to love yourself.  Pray to forgive yourself.  I am of the opinion that you have the worse case of self loathing possible.  Hate the deed not yourself.

That woman went running to the city proud to repent.  Proud to love the LORD.  What if Jesus had met you at the well?  You would have cussed Jesus out, probably would have stabbed him, laid hands on Him.   You would have secretly spit in Jesus' water and laughed after tricking Him into drinking it.  You sure would have put "roots" on Him, lied on Him and slandered Him.

I never in my life did you any wrong.  The worse I ever did to you was go in your purse and take the money you took from me.  I kept all of your secrets.  I was obedient, humble and I loved you.

You can not make me give up the right for the wrong.  I refuse to overlook your rotting fruit.  I will not pretend or ignore the fact that YOU MURDERED my grandfather. (Did he hurt your feelings? Cause you to suffer rightful shame?)

Again, it wasn't granddaddy that you hated.  You hate yourself.  You demand to be lauded, worshipped, well thought of.  That might make you feel good for a minute.  Nothing can erase the deep sick self loathing you feel except for the Holy Ghost.  By GOD's Grace we are saved.  I pray GOD's Grace over you and for you.  Come to the truth, come to the light.  There is nothing in that darkness but hatred and vile wickedness.  Continue to pretend that you hate me if that makes you feel better.  I will continue to pray for you.

Stay in His WORD children.  Remember; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

May GOD's Grace,Mercy and Truth, engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn Doster (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)

I am laughing ...

GOD truly has a sense of humor.  She demanded our silence.  "YOU N******DON'T TELL A MUTHAF****** THANG DAT GO ON IN DIS HOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  was our daily mantra.  In addition every day I had to hear how I talked too much.  "Yo' mouf run lak goose s*** by duh moon light!"

GOD messed around and invented the Internet, gave me the activity of my limbs and my brain.  Now I can't shut up.  I won't shut up.  No, I have not told her most guarded secrets (yet).  Telling my story heals me, frees me.

My grandfather told me to never do anything I would be too embarrassed to admit that I did.  He told her too.  But she was too rebellious, too stubborn and cruel to listen.

To GOD be the Glory! Praise His Holy Name!

Thank you!

I thank all of my well wishers and sympathizers.  I have been trough quite an ordeal, it is true.    But, GOD tells me that my puny pain is not important.  "Wasn't I always with you.  Didn't I protect you from her worse.  Now use your voice and your talent to expose the sin of selfishness.  Expose a government of politicians that are in it for their own selfish gain.  Expose the phony preachers pimping their flocks.  Preach the WORD."

I thought I was going to write about the "Luck of the Uterus" this morning suggesting the simple biological accident of being planted in the right uterus would make all of the difference in your life.  GOD taught me better.  The Dear LORD in His infinite wisdom knows exactly where He wants us placed and why.

The truth is, when I count my blessings I know I  have enjoyed a wonderful life.  I have traveled to many countries, spent a lot of money and overall had many great experiences.  I am the mother of the world's greatest daughter, had the privilege of learning form one of the greatest minds on this earth.  The fact I was able to figure this shrewd succubus out before it was too late is a testament to our all knowing, all saving GOD.

To my friends that tell me to get own with my life and to forget her.  Thank you for your kind advice but you are wrong.  You are just as wrong as "Job's friends".  I understand, you are afraid that I will never be happy, never be "normal".  I am happy!  I can't be "normal".  "Normal" was never in the cards for me.  I have never had a desire to be "normal".  For some reason I learned to love solitude, my "abnormality".  I enjoy my own company.  I garden, paint, make dolls, journal, create jewelry, write poetry and prose.  I find most days to be very fulfilling , satisfying and much too short.

Perhaps I am a snob.  I detest "dumb" people.  People of low intellect, little knowledge or repeaters of babble.  I am stubborn.  I refuse to change.  If you don't like me, stay away.  If you want to use me, stay away.  If you are jealous and envious, stay away.

I insist that you know about and be able to identify narcissistic mothers.  Mothers are more important than fathers simply because they have the most influence.  Society has painted her as a patron saint.  Society paints all women with a magic brush and if you have a successful pregnancy you are automatically catapulted to "Mother of the Year" status.

No such thing!  Look into the eyes of  some of these children.  Too many shrewish women are getting over on society.  I must tell on my "mother" because it does give me great joy and healing.  I must go on record and testify to the incredible greed and selfishness of this whore.

Whoa! Put on the brakes! Must you have every man, woman and child?  You remind me of that Muddy Waters song; "My eyes keep me in trouble...I want eva' woman I see."

First of all **** you should have never put your corrupt filthy hands on me!   To think you could use GOD and your voodoo/hoodoo/black magic/witchcraft simultaneously is a sacrilege.

You were predicted, foretold.  You are a calamity, a "sign and a proverb".  I thank GOD for you! PTL!
"Having predestined us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will." (Ephesians 1:5)

I was predestined, pre-ordained to belong to Christ. (You were too.)

"In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, (ALL sins including sins as grave as yours), according to the riches of His grace;  Wherein He hath abounded toward us in all wisdom and prudence; Having made known unto us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He hath purposed in Himself: " (verses 7 -9)

You can play the freak and the fool if you want to.  You are going to have to pay up one day.  Do what ever you please.  Wallow in your lust.  Be as carnal as you want to be.  Forget GOD and try to fool others.  You will end up a "sign and a proverb", a despicable thing.  No, all will not recognize you, and some will demand to love you until your bloody end.

But, a few will recognize you, revile you and keep their distance.

Stay in His WORD children.  Remember; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth, engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn Doster (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)

I finally had to admit it.

I literally bit the bullet.  I have fought this truth my entire life.  You have no morals!  You are void of any sense of decency.  Yes, it is a criticism.

Any one that can live the life you've lived for eighty-six years and remain unashamed is an outrage!  Any person that can stand in a pulpit, stand before GOD and profess to be a "Christian", to claim to love the LORD, knowing full well she is lying, faking, pretending, putting on and NOT CARE, is bewildering to say the least.

For eighty-six years you have deliberately, knowingly, with forethought and malice destroyed your entire family.  No, that's not mean, it's beyond selfish, way beyond greedy.  There is only one word for it , DEMONIC!  Not, any run of the mill demon possession either.  You are Satan's imp on steroids.

STOP!  You shall not proceed any further! To quote you "another futher".  I got so tickled today.  I actually laughed at myself.  I could hear you clearly screaming in my ear; "YOU SHUT UP! ALWAYS RUNNING YO' MOUF'!"  I was foolish.  I was running my mouth, laughing, telling my cousins how you beat XXXXX when he was a toddler, just learning to walk.  I was telling them how you beat him for defecating on himself.  Dumb me, I didn't know that it was a secret.  Did I actually think that was the proper way to potty train a child?

Why didn't you want your cousins to know?  You did it.  I was a little girl.  You let me see.  You didn't care if I knew.

Where did you get that from?  Doing any and everything you felt like doing and tracking down every witness to intimidate.  True, we all make mistakes.  We are human.  You are not GOD or a miny god.  Fear means respect, dummy.  Terrorizing and inculcating sheer fear is not "motherly".  Deliberately leading everyone into captivity is not a mission or assignment from GOD.

Where did you get the idea that you and only you can do any and everything that she pleases and nobody better not say anything?  You are not to be criticized, admonished, or told on. You are caught.  You are revealed.  You have been weighed in the balances and found wanting.  You proclaim and brag that you are never repenting.  Don't!

I have fully accepted the fact that you don't have a shred of decency in you.  Not one ounce or iota of human decency or compassion.  Any woman that could sexually molest her own children is worthless.  Fallen below the lowest standard.  Screaming a lie will not save you.  You might be cool as a breeze but that is not a compliment.  Your uncanny ability to slay and rob your own children should not make you proud.

It's cool.  I have finally accepted the truth.  I never knew a person like you was actually possible.   YOU MURDERED YOUR OWN FATHER!!! for Christ's sake!   I have no doubt.  You will never apologize, repent or say you are sorry.  You will die and continue to rot in the hell you created.

If the Holy Bible is ever re-written or revised I want them to put an asterisk beside the term "long suffering".  I want your name by that asterisk because you are the true definition of "long suffering".

May I tell you something?

That is entirely a rhetorical question announced to let any readers know that I am about to drop some knowledge on you.  Not my "knowledge" mind you, GOD's knowledge, knowledge that I can assure you is Holy Ghost inspired.  I have a testimony.

What good is a testimony if you keep quiet? Keep it to yourself?  That's not a testimony, that's a secret.  I will not keep my life, my journey, my horrific experiences secret.  I am going to tell the world what you did to me.  Not to embarrass or hurt you or to extract revenge as you proclaim.  You have no ears to listen, no eyes to see, but there is a hungry mind in this world searching for an answer.

I wish there had been a Rachel Gwendolyn Doster in my childhood, in my youth.  But, that is not what GOD wanted for me, evidently.  Had I had a Rachel Gwendolyn Doster I would have freed myself from your long tentacles decades ago.  The Dear LORD needed me to experience a woman such as you.   I needed to be shaped, molded and purged.  I truly praise the LORD and I am humbled by His Goodness and Grace every day of my life.

A person that I love dearly said something the other day that disturbed me.  No, I have no anger for her but I did want to shake her.  I do want her to know better.  She is a young child, she has a right to "not know".  I did the same thing at her age.  I repeated ignorance I heard.  I believed a great deal of the ignorance that was instilled in me, taught to me by my "mother".

Be careful of ideas that you repeat, of philosophies that you accept as fact or true.  She is a pretty little girl, a young lady with a lot of promise if she will stop and listen to the right voice.  She said basically :"GOD don't put no more on you than you can bear."  There is a great deal of danger in holding that philosophy.

#1. What makes you think GOD is responsible for that burden?  Could it be your hard head and rebelliousness is the cause?

#2.  Make sure that you know that GOD only wants the best for you.  The cattle on a thousand hills is His.  He wants you to have life and to have it more abundantly.

#3. Every time you get out of His will, out of His Covenant you are going to suffer.  You will pay a price.  True it is hard to walk this road called life without bumping your head.   You are going to make some mistakes.  Some are going to make many.  Only a fool will keep making the same mistakes over and over.  Only a fool would lie and deny, suffer and then blame it on GOD.  We all do it.  I've done a lot of dumb things in my life.  I knew better but I was hoping for a better out come.   I asked GOD to send me a godly man.  I got tired of waiting and picked out one myself.  How did I know he was godly?  He ushered in the church.  Boy was that a mistake.  But GOD in His infinite wisdom blessed me with the most beautiful, brilliant daughter any mother could claim.

#4. Put on the whole armor of GOD!  Don't try to navigate this wicked world unprotected!  Say your prayers!  Every morning when you rise get on your knees and say the LORD"s Prayer.  That is not superstition.  That is reverence and honor.  That is respect and humility.  You claim ;"GOD is the head of my life!"  Do you mean it or are you just repeating something you heard?  Do you want to sound godly without being fully godly?  Do you think salvation is for old, square or lame people?

#5. There is a voice, a still small voice, it is in your ear, listen to it.  It is the voice of wisdom.  It is GOD trying to communicate to you.  Trying to guide you, trying to protect you.  Trust GOD.  Don't entertain demons.  Do not tolerate people that have a demonic spirit.  They only have one intention, to slay you.  Never overlook wrong doing.  Their evil manipulative nature is twenty-four/seven.  They have no good in them and they certainly don't want to see it in you.

Stay in His WORD children.  I want you to read Ephesians chapter one today.  It is important.  Remember; "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth, engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn Doster ( the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)