Terrifying fear instilled early enough is nearly impossible to rid, to erase, eradicate. How can a man or a woman ever be the courageous beings GOD designed us to be if some strumpet terrorized and beat them bloody from birth?
I have no answer other than prayer. Too many people misinterpret their own fear, call it wisdom and think they are living cautiously. I can not criticize any one for looking the other way. For stuffing their hurt and disappointment deep down inside. For pushing those terrifying memories out of their consciousness in order to survive.
No, you don't have to talk about it. You can join your abuser in pretending that it never happened. But, it will follow you like a black cloud. It will haunt you.
For years and years I drove from Atlanta to Fayetteville, North Carolina to visit what I truly believed to be my loving mother. Every time my car approached the sign that read Fort Gordon I broke into unexplainable tears. I would become inconsolable. I didn't know why.
Yes, I knew what I remembered. I will never forget what my stepfather tried to do to me in that hotel when I was fourteen. I remember screaming! causing a disturbance. I remember the military police coming and my mother following them back to the stockade to bail him out. I remember begging her to tell the m.p.s what he had done and her refusing.
I remember the long ride back to Fayetteville with them. I remember walking in on them screwing like two hogs the very next day. I remember they were not in the least bit embarrassed and never stopped. I remember asking her if she was going to divorce him? Her telling me; "No, got to git dat money honey!"
I do remember sensing that she had All to do with it. Of course I suppressed it. I had no where to go. I was a child. I had no father in evidence.
I watched, witnessed my mother do a lot of very common perverted sexual acts over the course of my life. I refused to deal with it. I followed the lead of my grandfather, looked the other way, said nothing. Got up and went to church with her every Sunday. Laughed, thought it was comical how she called us to prayer every Sunday morning. "Will you black a** muthaf****** Git in here! You muthaf****** know I got to pray!"
Yes, I am mystified by her pride and stubbornness. More than anything I am mortified by the fact that a woman so common, so cold, devious and perverted has gotten away for so long. Then I ask myself, did she truly get away? GOD knows. I know. A lot of people know, actually.
Why is she still living? GOD has a purpose for her life. Why is she still lying and denying? What else can she do? That's her way, that her m.o. (modus operindi).
Many people think I am angry and upset about what she did to me as a child, as a young adult. While that certainly disturbs me. That is not my issue. I caught her deep in her demonic root working against me when I was old. I caught her trying to destroy us. She was elated when my brother lost his house. She laughed as if she were crediting her great ability to conjure. She was delighted when my other brother went from "sugar to s***". Lost his medical practice and had to end up living with her.
She talks about all of her grandchildren like a dog. Hates all of them for being born dark skinned.
Dear LORD, it looks like I am one of the very few that escaped the suffocating strangulating grasp of this monstrosity. Praise the LORD!
Stay in His WORD children. Remember;"Apart from Christ we are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch,JEROME WALTERS)
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
"Know whut i found out ...
the other day? Liars don't like liars! Duh nerve! Hi you gon' be a liar, don't do nuttin' but lie and got the nerve to declare dat you don't like liars!
Dat mean you don't like yo'sef! ... and you shouldn't.
Know what else I found out? Peoples that don't like themselves, don't like people that don't like dem! Can you image such? Hi you spek me to like you and you can't stand yo'sef? Dat's why you lie all the time ...can't be yo'sef ...cause you ain't who you want to be.
Ni, let me tell you right now ... all this fantasizing and pretending to be somebody you ain't, ain't gon hep you none cause when you get thru play acting and puttin on, you still you.
You still that person that you hate, that you shame of. Why you trying to bully me into laking you? Why you stalking me? Why you all up in my bizness? Ain't you got no bizness of yo own?
Why wud any ho call hersef a lady? Calling yo'sef a lady don't make you one. Gettin' mad wid the men that told on you, don't hep neither. "If a man pay enuf fa' it he will call you a lady." Whur you git dat rot from?
You jest be talking' to hear yo' head roar. You ain't got a lick of sense. You can't run yo' own bizness... why you trying to run mine? No I tell you what ... you run yo' shoes ova' and I'll run my bizness.
I don't care nuttin' bout you not laking me. I don't lak you neither. Need You! What I need you fa? I need you lak I need another hole in duh head!
I need you to git way from me ... dats what I need. Yea! I do need Jesus! We all need Jesus! You always go tuh hollaring Jesus when you git in trouble. Why don't you hollar Jesus befo you git in trouble?
Hollar Jesus when you git tempted to do wrong. No, don't call me ... don't come by heah ..don't come to see me. Matter of fact .. jest forgit you eva' knew me. Cross my name out'cho memery.
Gawn ni! Git way from me! talking bout you don't lak liars. Do you lak Truth-tellers?
Dat mean you don't like yo'sef! ... and you shouldn't.
Know what else I found out? Peoples that don't like themselves, don't like people that don't like dem! Can you image such? Hi you spek me to like you and you can't stand yo'sef? Dat's why you lie all the time ...can't be yo'sef ...cause you ain't who you want to be.
Ni, let me tell you right now ... all this fantasizing and pretending to be somebody you ain't, ain't gon hep you none cause when you get thru play acting and puttin on, you still you.
You still that person that you hate, that you shame of. Why you trying to bully me into laking you? Why you stalking me? Why you all up in my bizness? Ain't you got no bizness of yo own?
Why wud any ho call hersef a lady? Calling yo'sef a lady don't make you one. Gettin' mad wid the men that told on you, don't hep neither. "If a man pay enuf fa' it he will call you a lady." Whur you git dat rot from?
You jest be talking' to hear yo' head roar. You ain't got a lick of sense. You can't run yo' own bizness... why you trying to run mine? No I tell you what ... you run yo' shoes ova' and I'll run my bizness.
I don't care nuttin' bout you not laking me. I don't lak you neither. Need You! What I need you fa? I need you lak I need another hole in duh head!
I need you to git way from me ... dats what I need. Yea! I do need Jesus! We all need Jesus! You always go tuh hollaring Jesus when you git in trouble. Why don't you hollar Jesus befo you git in trouble?
Hollar Jesus when you git tempted to do wrong. No, don't call me ... don't come by heah ..don't come to see me. Matter of fact .. jest forgit you eva' knew me. Cross my name out'cho memery.
Gawn ni! Git way from me! talking bout you don't lak liars. Do you lak Truth-tellers?
There is too much joy and beauty ...
in this world for any of us to suffer for a single day. GOD is Awesome His World is Awesome!
So why are so many of us suffering in misery? Suffering from lack. Lack of love, lace of money, lack of confidence, strength and courage?
If you are like me, some unbelieving, low excuse for a human being got a hold of you before you got a chance to mess up your own life. No matter the circumstances of your birth or your life, it is not over. As long as you are still breathing you have a chance.
Snatch that blood sucking demon from off of your back and put him or her under your feet. Smile, laugh, enjoy your life. Live your dreams. Glow and go! Laugh uproariously, travel extensively, live the life you always wanted.
Shun all evil, shun all negativity. Thank GOD daily.
Be abundantly blessed today children. Stay in His WORD. Study the Bible for yourself. Your assigned reading for today is Proverbs 6:26. "For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to apiece of bread; and the adultress will hunt for the precious life."
Remember;"Apart from Christ we are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy, and Truth engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)
So why are so many of us suffering in misery? Suffering from lack. Lack of love, lace of money, lack of confidence, strength and courage?
If you are like me, some unbelieving, low excuse for a human being got a hold of you before you got a chance to mess up your own life. No matter the circumstances of your birth or your life, it is not over. As long as you are still breathing you have a chance.
Snatch that blood sucking demon from off of your back and put him or her under your feet. Smile, laugh, enjoy your life. Live your dreams. Glow and go! Laugh uproariously, travel extensively, live the life you always wanted.
Shun all evil, shun all negativity. Thank GOD daily.
Be abundantly blessed today children. Stay in His WORD. Study the Bible for yourself. Your assigned reading for today is Proverbs 6:26. "For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to apiece of bread; and the adultress will hunt for the precious life."
Remember;"Apart from Christ we are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy, and Truth engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)
Sunday, June 9, 2013
When in doubt, read the instructions!
Here I am sitting on the outside, looking on the inside. Well, I'm not quite sure. I may be on the inside , looking on the outside. It doesn't matter. All I know is I'm over here having a Holy Ghost party! I'm shouting, purely electrified with the Spirit. I'm thanking GOD for delivering me from one of the most incredibly devious minds every created.
My testimony is fascinating. I can't put this "book" down. I can not and will not stop declaring the Goodness of My Almighty GOD to the entire world.
THANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUS!!!!!!!!!
This poor woman still believes she is winning. Why? Because nearly all of her victims still bow to her, cower to her, cloak for her and refuse to reveal her true nature. They know that she hates GOD. They actually know deep down inside that she purely hates them. It is an inconvenient terrorizing embarrassing truth, so, many have decided to wait her out. Most are simply terrified and agree that when your "mother" is a monster like ours, the best thing to do is live in denial.
She can not be explained to the world. People will criticize you and scoff and say why didn't you do something to stop her long ago. No one will realize that we inherited this albatross. We were conditioned by her awful cruelty to look the other way.
Is my grandfather to blame? Were his daily admonitions too soft? Did he in fact know what an awful demon his daughter was? Or was he living in denial with us?
Today I am facing the fact, coming clean with myself. I knew all the time. No, as a child, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I didn't characterize her behavior as "demon possessed". I'm sure I didn't know what that meant. I knew something was mighty wrong with her. "Something" that I was very ashamed of. It was "something" we were forbidden to know, forbidden to talk about. Instinctively I never trusted her, just watched her, listened and carefully planned my escape.
Pure Evil! My LORD! What do you do when you have a child and one day realize that she is pure evil, a demon seed!? Can you beat the hell out of her? Should you just talk to her, try to appeal to her "good will" and hopefully common sense? Or do you put up with her, look the other way? Do you let her bully and control you until she finally puts a .38 bullet in your heart?
I found out you read and study your Bible as well as pray. Every thing we need to know to survive and thrive in this world is in that Book. First thing, Jesus told us ;"Know ye the Truth and the Truth will set you Free!"
Our Infinite All Knowing GOD knows the power of evil. He knows the gullibility and treacherousness of man. GOD knows that most of us can not handle the truth, can not bear it. So, we live out our long miserable lives attached to a demon that we secretly hate. Mystified year after year by her tricks and slander.
GOD told you to have faith. He told you that when your mother and father forsake you He will life you up. Most importantly He gave us an instruction book. You can't get anything out of that book if you are too lazy to read it. If you are so sorry and confused that you let that demon that is torturing you explain His WORD to you. He told you;"walk not in the counsel of the ungodly".
How in the world can you be dumb enough to let the one person that has never done anything but cause you misery advise you? Have you lost your mind!!!?
Ever time you get near the truth, every time you get close to discovering who and what she really is, she is going to mislead and confuse you. You will not think, you will not question. You will continue to be her imp. (To be an imp for the devil's imp is the saddest place you can be on this planet.)
Martha had many pregnancies that ultimately produced six living children. I compare our lives to the blind men trying to describe an elephant. One blind man likened the elephant to a snake when he felt the trunk, another a large flat wall, one said an elephant was a long skinny rope that keeps switching.
Our version of Martha depends on our gender, color, order of birth and how our six different father's treated or "mistreated" her.
Martha produced children from ages 16 to 42. She treated every one of us differently, all cruelly, yes, but totally different. Her favorite thing to do was to keep secrets. Pretending that you were her favorite. that you were the only one she could confide in, could trust.
I didn't think any of us ever doubted her love for the LORD. Then one day one brother shared the secrets she made him keep for sixty years. We compared notes. Another brother got drunk and told me what she said about me, what she was telling all of them while she was calling me and telling me what a wonderful daughter I was.
I think the worse thing a person can do is to be found in deceit. The worse thing that can happen to any mother is to be caught in her betrayal. I wondered, scratched my head. She demands that we all come home for Christmas or Thanksgiving. But, we never had a sit down dinner. She has a fine dining room complete with a beautiful dining room table. Her hutch or China buffet is complete and overflowing with fine China and sterling silver.
Why does she cook and invite each relative over to just sit in the kitchen? She will laugh and talk with you, then encourage you to fix a to-go-plate. Her paranoia is obvious. "I know you got to go. I know you busy. Thanks for dropping by."
What was she afraid of? Was she afraid that we would compare notes? How could a mother never know the phone numbers or addresses of my siblings when I asked?
The truth is, the pure fact is, Martha Jane Walters, has been running from GOD's Truth her whole life. She doesn't want to know because she can't face it. She is too ashamed. I don't think she started out to become such a notorious cruel demon. But, it was so easy. People are so simple and gullible, so easily frightened by foul curse words, guns and knives, and conjure. Plus, she was so easy to love. Kind on the eyes, a brilliant actress that could in fact read all of her children's minds.
Well, I just want to tell you that Martha has had her way or she thought she was having her way for 88 years. But, GOD has been large and in charge of this whole human mess and He Will fix it!
Stay in His WORD children. Remember; "Apart from Christ we are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)
My testimony is fascinating. I can't put this "book" down. I can not and will not stop declaring the Goodness of My Almighty GOD to the entire world.
THANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUSTHANKYOUJESUS!!!!!!!!!
This poor woman still believes she is winning. Why? Because nearly all of her victims still bow to her, cower to her, cloak for her and refuse to reveal her true nature. They know that she hates GOD. They actually know deep down inside that she purely hates them. It is an inconvenient terrorizing embarrassing truth, so, many have decided to wait her out. Most are simply terrified and agree that when your "mother" is a monster like ours, the best thing to do is live in denial.
She can not be explained to the world. People will criticize you and scoff and say why didn't you do something to stop her long ago. No one will realize that we inherited this albatross. We were conditioned by her awful cruelty to look the other way.
Is my grandfather to blame? Were his daily admonitions too soft? Did he in fact know what an awful demon his daughter was? Or was he living in denial with us?
Today I am facing the fact, coming clean with myself. I knew all the time. No, as a child, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I didn't characterize her behavior as "demon possessed". I'm sure I didn't know what that meant. I knew something was mighty wrong with her. "Something" that I was very ashamed of. It was "something" we were forbidden to know, forbidden to talk about. Instinctively I never trusted her, just watched her, listened and carefully planned my escape.
Pure Evil! My LORD! What do you do when you have a child and one day realize that she is pure evil, a demon seed!? Can you beat the hell out of her? Should you just talk to her, try to appeal to her "good will" and hopefully common sense? Or do you put up with her, look the other way? Do you let her bully and control you until she finally puts a .38 bullet in your heart?
I found out you read and study your Bible as well as pray. Every thing we need to know to survive and thrive in this world is in that Book. First thing, Jesus told us ;"Know ye the Truth and the Truth will set you Free!"
Our Infinite All Knowing GOD knows the power of evil. He knows the gullibility and treacherousness of man. GOD knows that most of us can not handle the truth, can not bear it. So, we live out our long miserable lives attached to a demon that we secretly hate. Mystified year after year by her tricks and slander.
GOD told you to have faith. He told you that when your mother and father forsake you He will life you up. Most importantly He gave us an instruction book. You can't get anything out of that book if you are too lazy to read it. If you are so sorry and confused that you let that demon that is torturing you explain His WORD to you. He told you;"walk not in the counsel of the ungodly".
How in the world can you be dumb enough to let the one person that has never done anything but cause you misery advise you? Have you lost your mind!!!?
Ever time you get near the truth, every time you get close to discovering who and what she really is, she is going to mislead and confuse you. You will not think, you will not question. You will continue to be her imp. (To be an imp for the devil's imp is the saddest place you can be on this planet.)
Martha had many pregnancies that ultimately produced six living children. I compare our lives to the blind men trying to describe an elephant. One blind man likened the elephant to a snake when he felt the trunk, another a large flat wall, one said an elephant was a long skinny rope that keeps switching.
Our version of Martha depends on our gender, color, order of birth and how our six different father's treated or "mistreated" her.
Martha produced children from ages 16 to 42. She treated every one of us differently, all cruelly, yes, but totally different. Her favorite thing to do was to keep secrets. Pretending that you were her favorite. that you were the only one she could confide in, could trust.
I didn't think any of us ever doubted her love for the LORD. Then one day one brother shared the secrets she made him keep for sixty years. We compared notes. Another brother got drunk and told me what she said about me, what she was telling all of them while she was calling me and telling me what a wonderful daughter I was.
I think the worse thing a person can do is to be found in deceit. The worse thing that can happen to any mother is to be caught in her betrayal. I wondered, scratched my head. She demands that we all come home for Christmas or Thanksgiving. But, we never had a sit down dinner. She has a fine dining room complete with a beautiful dining room table. Her hutch or China buffet is complete and overflowing with fine China and sterling silver.
Why does she cook and invite each relative over to just sit in the kitchen? She will laugh and talk with you, then encourage you to fix a to-go-plate. Her paranoia is obvious. "I know you got to go. I know you busy. Thanks for dropping by."
What was she afraid of? Was she afraid that we would compare notes? How could a mother never know the phone numbers or addresses of my siblings when I asked?
The truth is, the pure fact is, Martha Jane Walters, has been running from GOD's Truth her whole life. She doesn't want to know because she can't face it. She is too ashamed. I don't think she started out to become such a notorious cruel demon. But, it was so easy. People are so simple and gullible, so easily frightened by foul curse words, guns and knives, and conjure. Plus, she was so easy to love. Kind on the eyes, a brilliant actress that could in fact read all of her children's minds.
Well, I just want to tell you that Martha has had her way or she thought she was having her way for 88 years. But, GOD has been large and in charge of this whole human mess and He Will fix it!
Stay in His WORD children. Remember; "Apart from Christ we are nothing."
May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn (the exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch, JEROME WALTERS)
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