The fact is, I gave her more credit. I readily believed in the make believe mother/sister/princess/Queen/preacher/root worker/know-it-all-godhead she created and re-created every day.
Very unlike my brothers, I knew to never trust her completely.
Did granddaddy know? He must have. Why else did he put that Bible in my hand just as soon as he heard I could read.
Why was he their to refute every lie? Why would a very mild mannered man jump on her quick if she went too far with my abuse in his presence?
was permitted to run roughshod over my family. A ruthless, selfish, greedy, envious, disrespectful, sick sadistic LAWBREAKER!
She had to come here, GOD had to "let" her Let" "until she be taken out of the way." EVIL! Rotten, low down savage! A baby brutalizer, a baby rapist, a whorish untrustworthy woman. A woman so common she hid behind her "race" as a cover for her deliberate filth.
I am proof that the people can't learn if they have no teacher. Common, evil, carnal lawbreakers holler Jesus and justice the most when corned by their own deliberate sin.
My mother cursed me. Called me the foulest names imaginable when I finally mustered up the courage to finally inquire about my molestation.
"The wicked fleeth, when no one pursueth ."
"Whut you trying to say!?…(half barked, half screamed) I had sumptin' tuh do wid it!? …"
My mother was a terrorist. She was a brutal common savage. If you looked for tell- talel signs of decency, like nervousness , guilt, or even embarrassment , when you caught Mathy in wrong doing, you better quickly forget about it.
To know Martha was bad news. She was the friend that your parents told you to shun. I bet if I went to the Cumberland County court house, right now, I would find an article concerning my mother's arrest for prostitution.
She was a criminal . Was she a born criminal? Was it nature or nurture? She was awful. She had NO conscious! She was a selfish carnal animal by choice. She was a good preacher or should I say repeater ?
She could preach the hell out of someone else's sermon. Was she too lazy to read the Bible? No, simply rebellious. She demanded to be revered for the color of her skin, for the texture of her hair. She did demand to have her way, to "dilly-dally" with her perversions when she was bored or the days she got up roaring with jealousy for your accomplishments.
Some how I do believe that Mathy promised satan that she would punish the entire world, her entire life , for not making her Queen. For "Success" failing to come flocking to her door. Every one that got a compliment, recognition, earned a degree, instead of her, would pay. And they would pay dearly. They would never know, never in a million years guess , that she was the ravenous wolf, Python snake not hiding up in the wood pile, but coiled up around your tender heart.
Mathy hated me the most. Not for being a rebellious teen. But, for being her exact opposite. I kept the ***"s house clean, earned good grades and kept my virginity. (So I thought)
Martha hated the world for having to work, pay bills, cook for a man the same age as her oldest son. Martha did hate that loathsome feeling she carried, tucked deeply inside her. Hidden carefully by loving false words, compliments that made her gag.
She was mad that, that "boy" came back. How could she fix yet another mess she created? Martha resorted to her same old remedies, witchcraft.
"You might be my color, but you are not my kind." I will not lock step or march with you. You know your son did wrong. He was a lawbreaker, not a toddler. He had a long history of violent lawbreaking. No one is paid enough to risk their life coddling your son.
Stop spreading racial division. It is character, not color. You will not use me. You will not get me to join your posse because we be kin, because we are black, because we have to stick together.
All exploiters of ignorance, racism and hatred should sit down. Some things are commonsense. I understand your grief. But go back to the WORD. " Study to show yourself approved."
To my family or family members, still hiding, sill holding onto a toxic memory, hold on. Your own mother , grandmother, aunt, cousin, friend, pastor, Sunday School teacher, came to this earth, did abominably for 87 years and you remain silent out of fear.
You can hold on to satan's hand out of fear, fearing being known or recognized with me. Keep crossing the road. You all can chunk all the dirt you want in that ditch now. I'm not in there. I am not sleeping. I am alive and well!
Try GOD! The real GOD, not some homemade monstrosity, half voodoo, half Holy. "Come ye out from among them!"
Is it truly fear, are you minding your own business, or are you , just as common, selfish, greedy and "all for yourself"?
I came to tell you that it doesn't matter what you do or don't do. GOD's got this! He is in control. Relax in the back seat. Let Jesus drive. Turn your music on. Free fall!
Be abundantly blessed today as you travel on your way. I hope you are searching for the truth. I hope you are trying to bless someone other than yourself. Do know that it is far more than Jesus on the lips. You must obey.
Be abundantly blessed today as you discover or re-discover the pure Joy of GOD's Magnificent love over your life.
If their be any good things, think on these things. "Get thee away from thy people, thy father's people." If you are in a family of low moral character, separate from them. Do study, do pray, do ask GOD to show you how.
Never let a "lesser than" tell you about your dreams. Examine their status? Just how are they living? Is your mentor a closet whore, selling a little ***** on the side to supplement her meager pay check. A check she claims is small because she is female, or jealous black *** NNNNNN are always blocking her blessings.
If you listen carefully you will soon hear 87 years of excuses. She will always have loyal simple imps that worship at the throne of color and race. Racist coons, volunteer slaves. Do not waste your breathe trying to lead them out of captivity.
One thing about it, all six of us share the same mother. Yes, the whore did convince me that she really loved me only and hated all the rest of them dumb assed, no- sense-ED NNNNNN!
Do not condem or low rate, the inner yearning for a mother is strong. I didn't get a mother, I didn't even get the "wire monkey", I got Caligula/ Dr Jeckel Mr Hyde Lucifer's concubine common bitch!
No man can hinder thee! Praise the LORD! I am doing the "Stanky Leg" on satan's head! My mother is taking a lashing for every foul secret deed! Malachi 4:1, is real! Yes, I do believe my poor mother was ignorant enough to believe that she was getting away, that she was in fact fooling GOD, as much as she did every person she ever knew.
She did admire herself quite a bit. She did sell her precious body, her temple , for filthy lucre, then the dummy turned around and insulted, burned, bludgeoned, humiliated and drug us into captivity for knowing, for telling, for just being.
She claimed we prevented her from becoming a model! From earning a four year college degree. Her always funky, nasty, snotty, rebellious, attitude, had nothing to do with it. She was just as evil as she was demonic! She had "shame" that she refused to notice, to acknowledge , to accept. dump it on someone one else was her life's motto.
Please do not dare think that YOU COULD NEVER BE MARTHA! We are all Martha! I was Martha so many times, caring my .38 H&;R pistol! A self styled Annie Oakley/Barney Fife , in the big city of Atlanta, in my late twenties.
Without GOD, without a true prayer warrior praying for you , we are walking on shakey ground. We are all walking on shaky ground. But you will feel better if you follow The Holy Spirit.
satan wants your anointing, your gifts, your talents. He wants you distracted by your flaws, your "inadequacies". You better do some homework. That is not a flaw. You are GOD'S HANDIWORK! HE ONLY MAKES MASTERPIECES!
My daughter took me to Italy! I toured like a big baller. Yes , I did rub me a handful of Michangelo' s David, a true MASTERPIECE! I did say THANK YOU LORD! He did remind me that it is what I do for Him that matters.
He told me to hurt, to cry aloud , every time a little baby, an infant, a toddler is taken into Grady Hospital with their insides torn apart! He told me NOT to keep it quiet! IT IS IN THE CHURCH! Lonely women that deliberated run every man off, have unnatural affection for their their sons and daughters! Praise The LORD!
If my SHINE is too much for you, if you know, no one in your family, could ever sink so low, good for you. If you think tithing and church attendance will keep this wolf from your door, perhaps you should check to see what filth is on the Internet.
She told me, told all of , that we better not tell EVER TELL it! I want my picture in the dictionary next to SNITCH! Next to ; "survivor of the most horrendous , devious, low-snake-in-the-grass-daddy-MURDERING, woman that ever lived!" Picture me grinning!
The best part of my story is not that GOD put flesh on His WORD through me. The best part of my story is, that He chose me! Me. a little black bastard, "throwed- away" baby, Praise the LORD!
Be careful of what you say to your children as you shape their little minds like clay.
Grandmother Rachel: "Dat luddle gul been heah (here) befo' ….Mathy Jane don't you mistreat that chile…she didn't ask tuh come heah."
Granddaddy: "Mathy Jane…I believe you bedder leave dat'un alone…she ain't the one fuh you to be messin' wid…that one is anointed. She got healing hands and old folks sense! Yea, I believe she been heah befo' …mark whut I tell you."
Well, we are now at the end. I'm so glad she beat and tormented me in secret. She proved I was a good steward. I kept the faith! Praise the LORD!
Jesus said that if you will lose your life for Him, He will save it. HE WILL LIFT YOU UP! But if you try to save yourself, try every scheme in the world to win, fail to put your trust in Him! You will lose your life.
Please do NOT do a homemade, hachet job on GOD's Almighty WORD! Be Hot or Cold. Do not dare use GOD's WORD, His Image, His Brand, to enslave and have your way.
"Shucks", I hope I know…when GOD comes to get us , He doesn't have to wait on our invitation. He doesn't announce when He is coming. You have to be ready. You have to have your affairs in order. Living a complete lie because your mother drug you into her dirty world is no longer a valid excuse.
I must say this, as I pray over this curse, this vexation of the spirit. I loathe dumb people. People of obvious low intelligence that do have in their possession so-called college degrees. Foolish men that think A.D. stands for After Death and people that think "cussing", saying bad words is a sin. That tithing is a commandment and that GOD takes attendance. I do especially "despise" mental midgets that try to embarrass me by slinging insults on FB. ( Go some where and sit your ignorant *** down, spreading ignorance! ) Stupidity concerning GOD's WORD vexed my grandfather also.
I must address these so called Christians that have never read the Bible completely, from top to bottom. Like my mother, just search it for words to enslave.
These people on Facebook that are quick to brag about how they un-friended some one of obvious "low morals". When you did that brother, did you know that you were judging? Did you know you were the "first to throw a stone"?
Hey cousin/preacher that claims to be an Evangelist, my Bible says not to hold mother, father, or AUNT is higher esteem than GOD.
So, why are you preaching? Are you trying to be like your mentor? Are you also a "dirt chunker?". I did notice your eyes get mighty big and I saw your entire demeanor change when you saw my fine dwelling, my home, that Almighty GOD gave me.
GOD is no respecter of man, of color, of status, of rank, or position. And if you really want to get in trouble with GOD, claim to be a preacher before He proclaims you!
I am not a preacher! I am a retired teacher, making observations about this world. And always Praising the LORD, simply because He Blessed me , saved me and showed me a better way.
Believe it or not, I thank every one, every friend, every loved one, that treated me with such disdain, with disrespect, with out and out cruelty. I thank every one of my friends that went way out their way to make me feel worse than I knew possible. I thank them for throwing dirt in that ditch when they saw me suffering. I thank my brother for running off with the rope.
Over the years the dirt built up. The dirt thrown on me, for so long, for no reason, other that hatred and jealousy, helped me to just walk out of the pitch my mother tried to bury me in.
Now I am shaking the dust off! My gourds are planted. My dolls are lined up for painting. I have four sewing machines, a kiln, I have every thing I need. I was wounded. satan did lay me low with his merciless cruelty.
If you know you have a loving, forgiving GOD and you refuse His indwelling … you deserve to suffer. satan is going to slay you. You might need a little taste of his mistreatment before you believe.
Cool. I am willing to see it, watch it. I will hold your hand. Your head is hard. Your neck is stiff. Your pride is glaring You are his or you are the LORD's. There is no in between. Read your Bible.
Even if you reject GOD, pretend He doesn't exist. He still is! He still sees you. He saw you when you let satan shame you. Only the indwelling of His Holy Spirit will remove that stain.
This is the real world! Quit playing. I do think my poor evil monstrosity mother was playing. A spoiled rotten brat , play acting until the end. When was Martha ever held accountable for a single action?
She "punked" her own daddy out! She was a beast! "Cutting the fool on him, on *Henry Rankins' porch , right on Highway 301, sealed her deal. A known demon, pure evil-sold-out-for-satan-disciple, reprobate, incorrigible , fool. She won. Mr. *Wifford, had to save her daddy's life! This young hell-e-un was only 16, known to turn out hell. Known to send satan running and seeking cover.
Martha Jane Walters had to be endured. She had to be allowed to "let" until she be "taken out of the way." We had to learn first hand how we have strayed, gotten away from that Book. We had to see up close and personal how we let satan lead us into captivity unawares.
Martha was my fieriest demon because she very successfully attacked my psyche , my self-esteem. Got me early, started her secret war against me while I was still in her corrupt womb. She was very free with epithets, with pronouncements over my life. "You ain't ****!" "YOU TOO LAME!" YOU A GOODY-TWO-SHOES!" "You too black!" "Ain't no man nevah gon' want you."
Psychological taunts and digs. Constant, unrelenting. Always artfully hidden in between "caring" or "giving", always behind a sweet smile. I want you to know, I want the whole world to know, I knew. Of course I knew. Being around her, Martha, Martha Jane, Mathy, Mathy Jane, Mathy Jean, Madame Watson, Reverend Watson, whom ever she was playing that day, could unnerve you, make your hair stand up on the back of your neck. No you could never quite put satan on it because Jesus was always in her mouth. These demons, theses ravenous demons in sheep's clothing have a form of "godliness". They can , will and do fool us daily.
This is precisely why you have to study your Bible INDEPENDENTLY. I did ask my mother how she could read her "clients so perfectly. She told me that their heads start to nod subconsciously when she hit the right subject and besides people only had there types of problems that mattered anyway., Love, Financial or Health! My mother was a keen observer of human behavior.
I always suspected she was a lesbian. It was obvious! She was a man-eater!
I didn't care. We never cared! But, don't go out, do your dirt in the dark and come home overwhelmed with guilt and savagely beat your children, rape and ruin your own children because you know that you are pure filth!
Don't preach to cover your filth, to divert attention from your guilty promiscuous, pioneer freak, no-holds-barred-adventurous-free-love-Sodom and Gomorrah ***.
I have no way of knowing. But I bet every savage act of complete cruelty leveled on or at us by Martha was proceeded by some vile hedonistic act that she enjoyed the carnal pleasure of preforming but withdrew , denied and beat us with her guilt when she returned home. Martha was conflicted because she was a LIAR!
Thanks to her I don't have to lie about my sexuality. I have none. My flesh is crucified! No "nasty-ier" a woman has ever lived. Don't sing and believe that song, you do not want a freak in the sheets, because she will be a closet demon, your worse nightmare.
My granddaddy advised me to never do anything that I WOULD BE ASHAMED TO ADMIT I DID.
Good advice. satan has nothing to keep you bound with, no guilt, no shame. While Jesus is calling you to the light, to the truth, you can't come because your own sick as a **** house rat mother, did deliberately lead you into some filth and the no mannered heifer , just left you there. No mercy! No compassion! And you remain loyal! You deserve to suffer you dim-wit! She bragged to every one he scrambled your brains like and egg. How dare she make such a brag and you take it!
I am the only child that ever hit her back. the *itch slapped me and I slapped the whore back! I was eight but I think I got that fight back impulse from her. She always accused me of being a back talker. Nothing you could do was going to make her happy. If you succeeded, she was insanely jealous. If you failed, she was equally jubilant. Something to prove that she really wasn't as bad as people said.
You can't repent of your sins because they are far too repugnant to remember! You would rather gouge your own eyes out with a dull, rusty spoon! Of course you don't go to church! WHERE WAS GOD!!!? WHERE WAS THIS LOVING *******************WHEN I NEEDED HIM!!!?
And this lying hypocritical pusillanimous world demands that you keep lock step. Just lower the deeply disturbed whore into the ground, as quickly as possible. Pretend like you are not affected. "Go on with your life!" Knit your damned black ***, ruined, every-dream-snatched self, back together. Let your ***** relatives gloat! Dumb ***, never finished high school, lecherous, lusting, predatory imps.
"Get thee into a far country!…get to stepping! …shake the dust off of your feet! leave no forwarding address…no caller ID!? , you better leave a message…if YOU be kin, you are No friend!"
The "thang", that albatross, hauled off and died at 87, without so much as an "excuse me", "I'm half way kinda sorry". I did think she had more manners. I did so look forward to her apology, after all she did preach GOD's WORD.
Don't worry about it. It is all in Divine Order. I kept the faith. I know my redeemer lives. GOD has turned all of my pain into prosperity!
I do not want to be associated with people low enough, common enough, to cloak for a dead demon. They have to be, just as wicked, just as lost, just as deceived.
