You may think you know. You may suppose yourself to be brilliant and wise, as evidenced by all of your degrees. You may live a very long time and never realize that you know very little.
I can tell you right now, if you are a people pleaser, you are wasting your time and your life. If you don't have a cross, a cause, a purpose other than "self", you're lost.
If you can't see or feel the pain flowing through this earth, you are insensitive. If you are struggling like everyone else but unable to care for the plight of others, you're in bad shape.
If you are tired of hearing about what a cruel murderous creature my mother is, you lack humanity. I know, if you don't get it, you don't get it. Yes, my grandfather is dead, but he is not done.
Thank you for telling me that you are concerned with the quality of my life. Your advice that I should just get over it and move on is not helpful at all. The moment I was spawned by that demon my life was destined to be full of pain. Normal and fulfilled was not in the cards for me, ever.
If the subject of incest, child abuse and murder, upset you and spoil your day. If you don't have time to read my posts, they are too long and you're too busy. I understand.
When you say; " get over it already and move on with your life", I don't understand. Why can't you see that monster stole my life? Why can't you see that she (one woman) stole the lives of countless people? Can't you see what she did and is still doing to her entire family?
You are so confident in your "wisdom" when you advise me to forget it and to just be "normal", be happy, because my lamentations, my constant crying and my salty tears are bringing you down. You won't "like", "comment" or "share" for fear that someone might associate you with me. Some one might discover that you are not perfect, that your life isn't all you profess it to be. Some of your "friends" may discover your horrible background. Someone may think that you like me or that you really care about me. It might get back to Martha. She might get mad. She might leave you out of the will. Or worse yet, she might put a "root" on you. She might put that "stank eye" on you.
Of course you are too busy, you're life being so fulfilled and all. I know why none of my brothers care. You're still her slave, her bitch. She breaks you off a little piece of change every time you ask. Then there is that secret that you "two" share. Your little "secret" that you think no one will ever figure out. I know she taught you to hate me. She put emnity between us. That used to bother me, then I realized your hatred for me is your choice. She tried to teach me to hate you as well. I refused. If you can't care about your grandfather or your sister, I really can't blame her.
So label me crazy, just another lunatic on the loose as she told you. Let her continue to run and ruin your life. Laugh with her, love her. Devote what little time you have left on this planet to her. Pretend like her "roots" are working and you can't help yourself.
To you scoffers that flat out don't believe me because nothing like that ever happened in your family. You've never heard of a life like mine in the whole history of the world and you know everything. " It's too bizarre, too ridiculous, too tiresome. So what? Well, he's dead, I'm living, move on. I'm tired of hearing about it already." March on, live your perfect lives in your perfect homes never caring about anyone. It is your choice.
Well, I'm tired of an eighty-six year old demon living free as a breeze, daring you to open your mouth. I'm tired of your cowardice. I'm tired of your tolerance! I'm tired of you pretending that your life is so great and so busy. I'm tired of millions of children's lives being destroyed and ruined by such creatures while you pretend that you did all you can do and if GOD wants to do anything about it, He will and He can without your help.
Well I vented. If I offended you, so what? You're never going to read this post anyway. It's too long.
I press on!
May GOD's Grace, Mercy and Truth, engulf you, cloak you and keep you in Perfect Peace,
Rachel Gwendolyn Doster (The exceedingly proud granddaughter of a great Patriarch)
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