Face your fears ...

Rapidly closing in on "Sixty-five".  No matter how you look at it, that's old.  No, not old old, but old just the same.  I do thank Almighty GOD for every day but,  "this life"   has been hard.  I look back over my total existence here and remember just some of the pain. The physical , mental, emotional , all meted out to me  from my own mother.

Yes, I did love my mother and I did try to honor and respect her for fifty-eight years.  Yes, I forgave her over and over.  She was a horrible psychotic bully that delighted in being a closet sadist.  Yes, I suffer with CPTSD (Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  No, not just me, far too many good people in this world are suffering right now at the hands of evil men and women that profess to be godly leaders.

We must all stand up to evil, to greed, to bullies.  We must study to show our selves approved.   Sitting in a building with hatred in your heart breaks GOD's  heart.  There is never any justification for bigotry.  If hate is in it, GOD is not in it.

There are far too many pastors just like my mother.   They have a form of godliness but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.  I can't help it, the awful things my own mother did to me because she purely hated me, hated us,  still make me cry.  That huge woman did assault my precious little body as a child.  She was an evil woman so frightening no one could help her.

You will know of her and her sins.  That is my vow.  The world must know there are men and women that live to violate children for their own sadistic pleasure.  Yes, my mother finally confessed to me that she was viciously raped three times as an eight year old child.  For what ever reason Martha Jane Walters was allowed to become one psychotic raping monster herself.

She never loved me, she never loved anyone.  She was a vile reprobate that purely hated GOD.  Be afraid world.  I have no idea how many false demon possessed pastors control churches today but I know one is too many.

How can you preach hatred Franklin Graham? Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggart? Why are you sitting under these ministers?   Why do you think you can actually buy a blessing? Why don't you read the Bible for yourself? Why do you think you can cherry pick the Bible to fit your agenda and please GOD? Why are you always preaching out of the Old Testament when you know full well we are all under the sacrificed blood of the LORD Jesus Christ?

"Come ye out from among them."  "Love ye one another as I have loved you."

-Peace

Every single night I still have nightmares about my mother, always something horrible and sadistic she did to me or to us.

"***, Gwen … you remember those pinto beans ya'll ate?" (How could we forget , we had them every single day, morning,  noon and night for over a week.) "Found a roach in'um.  I dipped it out.  I show didn't eat none of''um though." Then she fell out laughing hysterically.  Laughed all day.  Got weak in the knees. It was a horrible hysterical shrill.  It was not human.  No, I did not know my mother was demon possessed.  Did I know she practiced witchcraft?  To some extent.  She was Madame Watson but, mainly I thought she was a flake just a rip off artist.  I was never more wrong in my life.

Why?  She was a sadist! How did we cope?  By watching her carefully.  From that point on my brother and I never ate anything unless we saw our mother eat it first.  Something was very wrong with Martha.

"Yea, I sent **** some chitterlings. Damn nigger always demanding chitterlings from me every Christmas.  You know how much chitterlings cost?  Do you know how much it cost to ship them to Texas? I didn't even wash'um.  Let the nigger eat shit."

That was my mother alright.  Did I call my brother and tell him, at least warn him? No.  Why? fear.

I know that my mother was the cause of my grandfather's fine home being burned to the ground. She was jealous.  My brother had fixed it up, indoor plumbing, a lot of very fine improvements.   He had toally redesigned it  and was finally doing well in his life.

Martha called the police on her son, my brother, because she claimed he was selling drugs out of the house and if he was ever caught all of our land and the house would be confiscated by the government. He gets busted but Martha convinces him one of his rivals snitched. The brother burns up the man's car in retaliation, the man burns down our house to retaliate against my brother.

Did I  ever tell my brother? No. Why?  Again fear.  My mother was not only a tyrant but she threatened to work "roots" on us for snitching.

Worse than worse , I have so many visual images of  sick demented things my mother did in my presence I will never tell.  This world can't take the little I've shared as it is.

Yes, the wicked shall cease from troubling, eventually.