Gil Scott Heron- Angel Dust

This song was blasting from inside my apartment  as I attempted entry, as I  fumbled with the locks: "I don't remember leaving my box on (?)  "   I remember being puzzled.  Why was the deadbolt on?  Children, please hear me.  That moment, that very moment I knew GOD had persuaded some imp to spare my life.

Please let me refresh my own memory.  I returned from Fayetteville, North Carolina driving my mother's long white Sedan deville Cadillac.   We traded cars for a minute.  She suggested that I borrow it  to profile in.  Of course I agreed.  I was only twenty-six years old chronologically and I worked in an all cracker environment.  "Hillbullies".  I hated them and they hated me.  Dike bitches and faggots mistreating me on the sly for being black.  "Black" was the lie they told.  I was too fine, too brilliant, too sharpe, too my mother and too hostile.  Damn sure too combative for their definition of a black woman, white woman, any woman.  Too hostile for any one.

I'm glad I was.  My mother was evil but , I must say she taught us to protect ourselves. She could beat us but  no one else could. "You can bring yo'ass home beat up if you want to …I'mma beat yo'ass!"  My mother meant that.  We were permitted to and encouraged to do anything to anyone that "messed with us".  We could ambush, bust in the head with a brick, stab, it didn't matter.  There was only one question; "Was the muthafucker fucking with you!?"  Cool.

I know Jesus said turn the other cheek.  That is where "my people" have a problem with Jesus.  "My people" are like; "I hear you Jesus ,  I don't mean no harm but , You too slow and I'm mad right now! Jesus do You know what this muthafucker did?!   LORD you know this nigger volunteering to die!"

While driving my mother's long white Cadillac back to College Park, Georgia  Jesus got in the car with me somewhere in South Carolina. Explained that I should move immediately because I was about to get ripped off, that some one was going to break in my apartment,  that the intruder was going to contemplate my murder with my own gun.

Everything happened just the way Jesus  predicted.  Sure enough, some nigger was in my apartment, had been in there all damn day apparently,  judging by the imprint of his sorry ass on my couch. The nigger stole all my drugs.  I had quite a stash thanks to my mother.  You name it, I had it. Never leave your cash in the Bible like I did.  That is the first place "they" look.

He took my pistol! Yes I had a .32 or .38 HR pistol loaded with hollow point bullets. I think I styled myself some kind of bad ass (about to be dead ass).

I kicked the drugs cold turkey, no rehab, nothing, just GOD.

  I am safe in (HIS) Arms. GOD's got this.  There is nothing the evil one can do to me, to you.

The name of the album is Secrets .  Far too many people keep secrets.  Far too many people pretend to be what they are not.  There is nothing to fear because GOD is having (HIS) way.  It is All in Divine Order.