She's dead, I'm tormented. Shit! I could have come to this truth when I was eight years old. GOD didn't let me, didn't permit it. Tied the blinders on tightly. Why didn't I know my mother was a sadist? Purely sadistic? Why were we made to believe some angry slut stalking us and beating us bloody was normal, should be expected if you were born black?
Why was I made to feel that I was the fool for always running away? XXX always took his beating like a "man". I was eight and said; "Fuck that shit! Bye!". My favorite place to hide out was the bathroom. We only had one bathroom and once I locked myself in there no one was pissing or shitting until my "pardon" had been issued. Every one in that apartment had to promise to "let me go". Not one hair on my head was to be touched.
If I could not get upstairs to the bathroom I escaped to the woods. Failing all of that, if Mathy still insisted on beating "the living water shit " out of me , I got the Holy Ghost! I spoke in tongue! I did the James Brown across the floor. My wicked mother would get so tickled she could no longer hold a belt or switch.
My foolish brother dismissed my "religion" preferring to wear three pair of pants. Well, he always got his ass beat and he like a fool hated me and accused my mother of favoritism. I said ; "Try GOD dumb ass! Jesus ain't never failed me yet!"
I am screaming with laughter. It was not my mother's flesh, it was her spirit. Not only would my mother beat a man, she would be wrong. She would be caught in fornication. I just imagined my mother's reaction to Jesus if (HE) had encountered her at the well.
I am laughing because my mother tried to ruin me, tried to break my spirit and Almighty GOD made me strong.
Praise the LORD!
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