Hold up satan!

Wait jest a dadgum minute heah!  I 'believe you done crossed ova' from ignut  tuh fucking shit house rat   crazy!  Crasy  as a white mouf' mule crazy!  *****!  You beyond ignut!  Way pass evil!   Shit satan hizsef don't want shit tuh do wid ya'!

Biiiiiiiiitttcccchhhhhhhhhhh whut duh fuck happened? Cudden' you stop it? Cudden you git no hep? …Shit why didn't you jest kill yo'fucking self? 

What wuz all dat church going fuh? Eight! TEN, TWELVE HOURS EVERY MUTHAFUCKING SUNDAY JUST SO YO' WHOISH ASS CUD LOOK GOOD!

Biiiiiiiiitttcccchhhhhh! You  bedda be glad yo' ded ass is ded!

Shaking my Head!       …          Stay off'fa graves! 

Don't get mad wid me cause you reapin'.    I ain''t gon' lie fuh you!    You MURDERED  MY GRANDDADDY and I ain't been right since!

Worse you two buzzards KNEW BETTER! Both of you blaming each other wid your carnal asses. 

You my mama! My innocence was your responsibility !   Not something for you to sell or exploit.  While you thought you hated  me,  hated GOD, you really hated yourself.  You hated yourself for being a spineless liar.  You hated being corrupt and envious.  Martha Jane Walters you hated who you were, what you allowed yourself to  become.  That explains the constant change.   All the drama, constant  chaos.  Raising pure hell for twenty, thirty, forty hours in a row.  Cudden' nobody rest.  Cudden' nobody find no peace 'til yo'' psychotic ass wuz satisfied.   AND BITCH YOU WUDDEN NEVAH SATISFIED!  Nothing made you happy.  No one that lives for and serves satan secretly will ever be happy. 

But yo' dumb ass didn't even-sef know what you wanted.  You always wanted what sum body else had.  You never wanted or appreciated anything you had.   Maybe it was because you rarely earned anything.  You were a thief!  If you saw something you wanted, why wait, why earn when you can steal or whore for it ? 

Dumb biiiiiiiiittttttccccccccchhhhhhhhhh!  All that  blaming and psychotic rage. you made us absorb because your cowardly sadistic ass refused to tell the truth EVA' about ANYTHANG!  

  All those many personalities   …  a Preacher and a Root Worker!  Did you ever read the book of James? Didn't you know that you could not be double minded?  

  The pathological lying, the living in denial.  The shame , the pride, the preaching falsely. 

No wonder you hated everyone.  You knew better .  I reminded you often.  I forgave you and you refused to forgive  me, knowing full well I never did you any wrong. 

Mathy, all dem' hours you put into studdin' mischief …what if you had used some of that brilliance, that intelligence fuh Kingdom building instead of destroying?  Whut if you had prayed to love instead of seeking voodoo and conjure to enable you to hate and punish secretly ?

Who is you anyway?  Hi you gon' go around punishing  eva'body lack you GAWD hizsef and you ain't nevah paid fuh one damn thang you eva did?

Yea, you a fool.  Lived  lak a fool, died a damn fool.  Ni, ROT!!!!!!!!!

That's pride.  "Pride goeth before a fall."

Don't worry.  It is all in divine Order!  GOD Got This!

PRAISE THE LORD!   

"Fret not thyself ...

because of evildoers.  Be not envious of the workers of iniquity for soon they will be cut down as the grass and whither as the green herb."

All imps are evil bullies.  My "mother" was the chief.  I do feel so sorry for her, a grown woman so childish, immature and corrupt she plagued in secret for far too long.

Demon possession is real.  I saw it up close and personal. I know it for myself.

Don't do it.  "Wait on the LORD."  Please do not suppose you know anything.  Do not compliment yourself and declare yourself wise because you are able to manipulate easily, smoothly.

"Look well to your going, your coming in , your going out."  For what ever reason my "mother" decided to be a predator and never varied, never changed.  What made Martha feel entitled to commit rape, vicious assaults, to plot and rob wearing clerical robes, gold crucifixes dangling from her neck?

Delusional.  A delusional person believes their own lies and make every life they touch miserable.  The malignant sadistic narcissist like my "mother" lives and breathes for one purpose, your utter destruction.  Fallen,  hard headed , whorish , willful women like my "mother" demand to punish the entire world for  their mistakes, for "disrespecting" her, for disregarding her.  For refusing to swallow her line o crap hook line and sinker.  I'm laughing now, it wasn't so funny then.  My "mother" did demand that we not think back.  She was such a cruel deranged demon possessed ogre she demanded that we never think for ourselves.  Never see her for the repugnant beast she was.

Did she think she would get away forever? No.  Mathy  just wanted to get her scummy unwashed self in the grave.  When you deliberately and consciously live a life so despicable that you cannot muster the courage for self examination, when all you can do is blame others for the misery you love causing, GOD help.  "Come Jesus, somebody needs you."   We need you LORD.

Martha deliberately scalding brother  with that pot of boiling hot coffee should have been the last straw.  On that day Jerome Walters should have had Martha arrested and incarcerated for the rest of her life.  I fully understand why he did not or could not.  Loud cussing, cursing and swearing to Almighty GOD her lying innocence was sure to follow. It was far too painful.  Martha would always pull a gun, threaten your life or all lives until you let up and just let her have her way.   Martha put on such a show when cornered for any misdeed you would rather not go through the humiliation.   Just go along with the ruse.  Let her kiss up on you, wind her  hot body around you like a snake.  Listen to her serenade you with the sweetest compliments. Let Mathy Jane make you think you were walking on air.

TWO CORINTHIANS  Trump is an evil ignorant bully cut out of the same selfish , envious,  pompous mentality as my "mother".  Falsely believing GOD is flattered by their  disingenuous praise.

I do shun the Tea Party and all such so called evangelical groups.  I am appalled by the gross ignorance of this Republican party.  The crowd cheered when Sarah  (Too sexy) Palin blamed President Obama for her son's PTSD.  A condition she claimed he acquired while defending his country in Iraq.

#1 - The President is the chief executive.  He is elected to ENFORCE THE LAW.  The function of the Judicial branch, (Congress) is to pass the laws.  Both our Houses of government are controlled by REPUBLICANS!  If you have a legitimate beef concerning the way our veterans are being treated , why can't you address the real obstructionists ?  Just how did this country get in a war with Iraq in the first place? 

"There is none so blind as he who refuses to see."

#2 - Unfortunately many people attempt to hide their true nature behind a label.  Claiming you are a Conservative and pretending to be perfect is not the solution.  Vilifying every person that dares to disagree with you is not the solution.  You can not ram a phony religious doctrine you do not follow yourself on anyone.   My poor 'mother" was a closet lesbian.  She was a dishonest lying hypocritical greedy whore that tried every thing in her power to destroy me for sixty-two years.  Fortunately for me she had to do it clandestinely, covertly, under cover.  It backfired! Her deliberate degradation, and humiliation of my tiny innocent soul did not produce the monster she tried so desperately to create.  GOD SAID NO! 

My own "mother" was one of the greatest whores of the greatest magnitude and hid it successfully behind a license to preach from the African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church, one Simon Temple on Yadkin Road in Fayetteville, North Carolina.

So quoting scripture does not impress me in the least. 

#3- Fret not!  GOD got this!

PRAISE THE LORD!

Repent!

Repent of your sins! Be made whole.  Humble yourself.  Stop lying! Stop pretending.  Own your mistakes, accept your punishment .  I find it ironic that my "mother" turned out to be one of the greatest cowards that every lived.

She lived to punish.  We were the most beaten, bludgeoned children on earth.  She would force us to cut  our own switches to beat each  other with .  My mother was fond of group beatings.  "You black ******* go cut a switch for duh'ughdun! (for the other one) "  That was always a trick, a ploy.  She would beat you with what ever you brought back.  I remember breaking little twigs and my brother would brake off a tree limb.  Of course she beat him savagely with that tree limb and he always blamed me.

(Lesson learned, don't expect compassion if you are unwilling to show compassion.)

For most of my life I mistakenly blamed the legacy of slavery for my mother's savage violent nature.  I was wrong.  It was satan, pure evil.  She deserved it.  She was a grave robber.  Search the Bible no  is considered lower.   No practice is viewed with so much scorn .  Be that despicable if you want to.  Be lawless! Be an ABOMINATION!   I will not defend  you.  I will not lie for you .  Especially after I finally accepted the fact you NEVER loved me.  You always hated me with a passion.  You were an anti-intellectual .  You were undisciplined, semi-illiterate and WICKED!

Yes,  you were a brilliant actress.  Yes,  you were a great practitioner of WITCHCRAFT but you were never winning.  You were predicted.  GOD warned us you were coming. You had to do what you did.  While you were assaulting, bludgeoning, scalding, burning, pistol whipping ,  molesting, raping, lying and MURDERING .    While you were pretending to love the GOD you hated with a deep secret passion , GOD was watching, using and preparing.

Never be ashamed children.   GOD maketh not ashamed.  I am not ashamed that I was born into the clutches of a deeply disturbed woman.  GOD kept me!

I did foolishly believe she would repent and apologize in the end.  I was foolish enough to believe her lying sermons.  I knew her fruit, was her chief victim and I was fooled until she cursed me like a dog for simply inquiring gently about my rape.

The veil came off then Martha.  I did nothing wrong.  You were wrong.  Why should I bear your scars?  Why were you ever dumb enough to see me as a sexual rival?   Why were you ever depraved enough to use my little infant body as a sex toy?

It was not for sexual pleasure as you told your partners.  It was for "power".  Bitch you are the dumbest whore that ever lived!   Some one told your dumb ass, you two dumb ass illiterate coons,  that taking the virginity of small children would give you demonic power.   You fell for it.  Did it and lived by that abominable lie for eighty-seven years.

You refused me the slightest apology.  Scoffed, felt insulted that I had the nerve to say anything to you.  Yes, you really felt your light skin made you better.  Or did you?  Were you ever that ignorant? I think not.  You were just that wicked.

We all must reap what we sow.

Praise the LORD!

"Let the church roll on!"

Went to church every single Sunday for twenty-one years in a solid row.  Sat right next to her, right up under her, loving her fiercely.  She was my mother.

(Let the church roll on!)

Little did I know that I was birthed to a woman that hated me and all of her children with a (secret) passion.  When no one was looking or paying attention she was brutally beating, raping, molesting, terrorizing and degrading .  All the time proclaiming her undying love.

(Let the church roll on!)

I took all I could take, finally made my first escape at the ripe old age of thirty-eight.  Why? My mother sent me a letter she wiped her behind in, cussed and cursed me like a dog.  That was it.  I preferred being  an orphan.

(Let the church roll on!)

If you have never innocently opened a letter caked with fecal matter from a your own dear mother  , you may never understand my anguish.  If you never had to hide your deep shame and pain behind a smile,  you have no idea of the "black tax" the evil one has made so many people of color pay.

(Let the church roll on!)

So tossed and driven, so forlorned, I was broke, I was homeless, unemployed.  I went down to death's door with no one on my side but Jesus.

(Let the church roll on!)

Old Mathy Jane just knew she was winning.  Robbing, stabbing, raping, brutalizing,  all the time hollering "Lawd, Lawd!".  ( Just another ravenous wolf in sheep's clothing. )  Martha was  so good with her secret witchcraft she SHOT HER OWN DADDY IN THE HEART!  Got away clean!

(Let the church roll on!)

This vile reprobate was so disrespectful to GOD she decided she was called to PREACH!

(Let the Church roll on!)

I came to tell you every word in that Book is true.  Act like Mathy if you want to.  Visit graves collecting dust in Jesus' name.  Live a repugnant life!   MOCK GOD!  Be dumb enough to conjure your demonic spirits in Jesus' name. Keep on.

(Let he church roll on!)

Another Great getting up morning!

Praise the LORD!

"Woman thou art loosed!" Like that poor woman in the Bible.  I could not stand up straight. I could not get it together, I was fraught with agonizing pain and frustration.  I was held down.  I was in misery.  While I felt it's unending annoying pain every day of my long life I  was never  sure of it's source.  Sure,  I blamed this world as my mother dictated.  "You too black!" my mother blasted me with that taunt every day she cast her eyes upon me.  While claiming to hate white racists she loved her "color". She lucked out.   Loved to brag about it.  Loved the system and social order that made her second class, not good enough for true  white privilege , just light enough to be better than me and every one darker than she was.

Martha never kept her vile hatred of everyone darker than a paper bag a secret.  She cursed us profusely and made us serve her just like  quarry slaves, something despicable and repugnant and she was the repugnant one all the time.

"I'm light bright and damn near white!" "My mama and daddy wuz  MARRIED!"   We were never more than a gaggle or worthless black bastards.  We ruined her  life so she was going to exact her revenge clandestinely,secretly, covertly.  We would always feel her wrath and never know she was the culprit.

One thing I know, one thing I saw often,  Martha would clap her hands a sequel like a pig every time she claimed her "roots", her "goofer dust" worked.

I have lost count of all the marriages , relationships, careers and lives my own "mother" secretly ruined out of an insane malicious jealousy that surely emanated from the bowels of hell.   My "mother's" message was always clear.  She was better than every person of color on this earth.  She was chosen.  GOD blessed her with color, "good hair", a gift of gab and she was brilliant. Bow down and serve her or get out of the way.  Be her sex slave.  Shut your mouth!  Don't ruin her image.  Become something so disgusting the Tabloids don't want to know.  The greatest gossips on earth don't want to know and her  many victims will never tell.

World, do know this woman lived eighty-seven years and was nothing short of a sick, deranged mental midget, a viper, a pestilence, a menace to society permitted to vex unchecked because she was rabid, vicious and sneaky.  A "Baby raper"! A MURDER! A PRACTITIONER OF WITCHCRAFT AND A PREACHER!

Why? The evil one is the author of confusion!  satan was my "mother's" god.  It was his voice she always heeded.  My "mother" kept the entire Walters family confused , distracted and suffering in misery for far too many years.  Why? My family hid her, tolerated her,  simply because we loved her and she was kin.  SHE WAS OUR MOTHER!  And none of us, not one of us had a dad!

  We kept practicing forgiveness when we should have listened to Jesus and shunned her. We certainly should have looked at her fruit.  Do know this ravenous wolf did have the forethought to teach us that we were her fruit.

Martha had the audacity  to take credit for every good thing we miraculously managed to achieve.  She took credit for my college degree with honors while never contributing one red cent!  She took credit for my brother becoming a medical doctor and that woman did every thing to that "boy" but take his life.  Used to taunt him by bragging about her three abortion attempts before she; "… got tired…shit…I jest went on and had you."

 It seems Martha's demonic behavior began at an early age.  Bludgeoning, stabbing, burning, scalding, killing small animals.

Some how some one convinced my family that prayer was the answer.  Never exposure, never any consequences or incarceration , just lying, cloaking and denying. "Take it tuh duh LAWD in prayer.  GAWD don't put no mo'on you than you can bear."

While my "mother"  always played the idiot she knew exactly what she was doing.  Little did she know GOD was watching and preparing me for such a day as this.  By design  demonic powers oppress people mentally and emotionally.  Serious grief has held me down for sixty-four years.

My own "mother"  gutted me like a fish! Left me emotionally destroyed. Cursed me, laughed and finally died.

I will NOT lockstep, grin and bear it.  I will not hide my affliction .  I have no shame.  I have nothing but pride!  I am proud of my grandfather, Jerome Walters, a proud, courageous, brilliant man that took a bullet for me, for us.

Fear is the strategy and method of the evil one, of Martha.  I will not fear her.  I will fear No man because GOD taught me better.

"We have been granted power and authority over ALL the power of the enemy." Ephesians 2:6

Straighten up! Stand up family!

Praise the LORD!

I marvel ...

over here basking in the Knowledge of the Holy Spirit. The Dear LORD led and guided me to this precious day.  "We need you LORD, every hour we need you."

Decade after decade of pain , anguish, confusion, rape, robbery, loss, rejection and never knowing why.  I was confused.  That fecal laden poison pen letter was the final straw in 1988.  I went nine years no contact.  It was the voice of the LORD Jesus Christ that sent me back in 1997.  She is the one that didn't receive me. She is the one that still secretly hated me, played loving mother jam up.

Yes, the unexplainable tragedies started again.  I was plagued by the IRS, College loans, car accidents, unexplainable loss over and over.  Still I tried.  I forgave.  I forgot. That "boy" came back "home" in 2005 after a twenty-five year hiatus.  That was the beginning of  the end of Mathy Jane's reign of terror.  Full disclosure and exposure had begun.

No one is as ignorant and depraved as my "mother".  No one.  Evil personified became evil de-mystified.   GOD led me to the Information Highway. There on the Internet I discovered why I was made to suffer so long, so tragically, so inhumanely by my OWN "MOTHER"!

(Please read this article After Narcissistic Abuse - There is Light, Life and Love by Greg Zaffuto.)

 All I can say here is; "We will all understand it better by ad by."  I read this article shocked, horrified.  Finally all of my excruciating  unnecessary pain was explained, made simple.  "…they have NO empathy, No care, No connection, No bond, No morals, and No LOVE FOR ANY HUMAN BEING."

Martha Jane Walters suffered eighty-seven years  being a malignant disgusting troll because she was too full of pride to receive with meekness the Spirit of the LORD.   satan made her completely delusional and she did her worse,  all the while falsely believing she was winning.   BECAME SOMETHING  SO DISGUSTING SHE WAS ASHAMED TO REPENT.

Not only did Marta take her entire family down, she succeeded in revealing the flaws and secrets  of her supporters.  Any one that honors such  a woman is lost, blind, living in denial and or just as depraved, just as ignorant and hopeless.  Just as selfish, self-absorbed and uncaring.

" …the Narcissist is completely one of the walking dead…"  "It may seem like a Narcissist has put a great deal into this false persona and basically they do.  Bu it is simple for them and just a pattern they have used all of their lives.  THEY ARE VERY ACCOMPLISHED LIARS! Their complete persona and their entire world are totally based on lies.  Their positive attributes and alleged actions are all made up in order to get other people to give them their fix of narcissistic supply, praise, adulation and accolades.  It gives them an acceptable façade and place among good and normal people in life. THEY NEED THAT PLACE TO BE ABLE TO ABUSE.   …"

This is exactly why my "mother" became an ordained minister.   Paid the Word of the LORD absolutely no attention.  (He) said not to mock (Him).  She did it anyway ad never wavered or worried.

My "mother " was the master at playing head games.  "…AND  they play to win and take no prisoners - it is a matter of survival in their world to avoid detection of who/what they are! They are poor losers and if they don't win they will react in a fit of rage and stomp away like an angry child."

If you are being plagued by a malignant narcissist , save yourself.  There is no cure for them but GOD has an answer and a plan.

Praise the LORD!

We all knew ...

this day was coming, a day of reckoning. Martha didn't want to be here,  so she checked out.  Old coward, sadistic bully.   I see why she left.  I can't say I blame her.  Incest. Pedophilia! MURDER! Witchcraft!  That is pretty bad.  Pretty damn embarrassing. So why did you do it?

How did you fall so low?  Was it the Spanish Fly?  Why would you take some crap like that?

No, I am going to tell on you.  I must unless some other little raped child make all of the tragic mistakes you did, become a perverted unrepentant reprobate like you did.  I must tell because there is some fallen woman, some where,  that possesses charisma and cunning like you and will also demand to "preach".

There are enough people going straight to hell without the likes of you confusing them.  You knew better.  Oh,  you knew all too well , that it why you were able to hide it so perfectly.  You knew you were not going to get away.  Now, satan did convince you  that you would not care once you were dead.  True, but what about your victims? What about your name? It will rot!  GOD's Word says that your name will rot. 

Let me tell you just in case you didn't know.  Childhood sexual abuse is tantamount to MURDER! You two buzzards murdered my spirit, my self confidence, my self-esteem and laughed.  You knew you were a horrid whore and delighted in that fact.  You were raped,  so the entire world should be raped.  No one should ever have more than you, no one!  You didn't have joy, so the world would not have joy.  You did not love GOD, you hated GOD and demanded that we hate (Him) along with you.

Worse,  you  MURDERED your own father!   No, you did not take the life of some worthless blowfly , (the type of men you always enslaved and exploited) .  You MURDERED a good man and never had the decency to repent.  Never put a headstone on his grave.

Don't worry, I'll take care of it.  (GOD got this)

Granddaddy told you that "Time changes all things."  He did not lie.  The Bible says the fervent prayers of a righteous man availth much. 

 Look at me now?! Over here healing that broken tormented little girl.  The baby you had and abandoned in a whore house.  The little brown girl you cursed for being "crow black".  The lonely little child you used to "jack slap" , and feed to your nasty "men" when you became overwhelmed by your sadistic lustful desires.  Your only daughter, the one you hated and wanted to destroy with a vengeance. 

You did not declare, you snarled; "I did the best I cud!"   NO YOU DIDN'T!   YOU DID THE BEST YOU WOULD.  Well, your best was not good enough Martha.  You didn't even do a good job of ruining me sufficiently.  I'm still here and I'm climbing up out of that pit you sealed me in. 

How you like me now Martha? Miss fake Mother of the Church! 

I really don't mind that you treated me worse than a mangy dog for sixty-two years.  I don't mind you devised every way you could to torture and ruin me.  Whether you want to admit it or not, your demonic interference made me a better person  than I would have been.  I understand.   "And indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." (2 Timothy 3:12)

I must admit when I first realized how truly sexually abused I was through your efforts, my own "mother", I fell apart for a minute.  You did desire to destroy me and you did.   It's cool.  I get it and I get why.

"You should not have done that Mathy Jane.";  is what I heard often.  It's cool.  I understand. "What GOD has for me is for me."  What (He) had for you, was for you.  You were hard headed, full of pride, full of lies and deceit. Cool.  Your choice. 

I would not be you, your Golden Child or one of your Flying Monkeys for all the money, power and prestige in the world.

"You the fool!" was your constant retort.  No, Mathy Jane you are the fool. You lived the horrid life you lived, for what?  You died still driving a second hand Cadillac, living in an old house that still has a mortgage.  You were called the Mother of a church you hated!   A "church" you felt was beneath you, your congregants  were too illiterate and too black.

Woman! Don't you get it!  You were so consumed with stealing the joy of others,  you neglected yours.  You were so busy lying and pretending,  you missed out completely! 

No, your life was not lived in vain.  If you don't help anyone else, your sorry life sure helped me. 

Praise the LORD!