"The *igger Monologues"

"These are they." I am a "These are they". I came out of great tribulation. The key word here is Out, I came Out. I came out of my slumber, my self imposed sleep. I slept because the pain was unbearable.

No, I am not a victim of racism or stranger on stranger hate. I am not even a  black on black crime victim. I am a mother/daughter tragedy. I am the result of a selfish, wayward, hardheaded, spoiled daddy's girl. I am what happens when families care more about going along to get along than they do about justice.

I am what happens when a man or woman care more about their two minutes of sexual pleasure than they do about the souls they are destroying.

"He was tall and stunningly fine. I stared at him from across the room. I stared at his feet and my hungry eyes crawled slowly up to his hypnotic liquid eyes. I didn't drink much, but I was drunk just the same. Wow! I thought; 'he is built!'  " Tall and built"  have always been my prerequisite.

I was in "lust". No doubt about it and I didn't even know who he was. He looked at me! He was giving me the same "look" that I was giving him. But, I couldn't move. My feet were frozen. I WAS PARALYZED! My heart was beating rapidly, loudly. I could not talk. My brain went numb. He came closer,then closer. My nostrils flared. "He likes me! He likes me!"; ricocheted in my brain, but I had nothing. My tongue would not co-operate. It remained glued to the roof of my mouth. He said; "Hi!" Even gave me that 'come hither' look.

I had nothing! It was a prestigious "Black event". I'm a history teacher and I had nothing. I wore a size four and had long luscious hair. But, I had nothing. I had nothing because some monster had been there before. My mother ruined me. My own mother ruined me on purpose and dared me to tell it. She played preacher and "root worker" just so she could get away. Just so she could get away with being reprehensibly evil. She did it because she was afraid my life would be better than hers. She did it because I was born prettier and smarter. She did it out of habit, murdering and eviscerating was her secret 'fun'.

Now I can't shut up and she can't die.

NOT THE END