Premeditated Murder!

Murder with malice and forethought.  How can you stop a premeditated murderer?  One that has schemed, planned and perfected her treachery?  You can't.  You can do nothing if you don't know.  What can you do if you are a "sitting duck", a "lame", a "deceived believer".

What I am revealing today took me decades to piece together.  I saw, but I didn't "see".  I was victimized and hurt over and over , yet I foolishly believed that she truly loved me.  Why? Because she declared it.  Every day after "DON'CHA N****TELL A MUTHAF****** THANG DAT GO ON IN DIS HOUSE!"  It was:" I just luv my churnin'!  I sho love me some XXX and Gwen"

I assure you no bigger lie was ever told.  This woman ached with hatred.  Secret sexually molestation that I can trace back to four years old.  I am sure they began earlier.  Brutal beatings and sever emotional and psychological scarring.

"I gave yo' black a** away!"

"You black as TAR! Stay out dat sun gettin' black.  You black enuf!  I need to put a white bow in yo' hair to see yo' black a**"  This she hollered from the window of our quarters on Smoke Bomb Hill.  I was four years old.

"I gave you to a madame dat ran a 'ho house.  Her name was Margie.  My mama made me go get you."

"Well my mama said 'least you human'."

"You UGH-A-LEE! You bug eyed and Ugly.  Hi you get such nappy hair?"

On and on every day of our lives.  When she wasn't humiliating us or beating us or molesting us she was plotting our down fall.  Premeditated MURDER!  Murdering our dreams, our self confidence, murdering any hope of ever having a normal life.  Any hope of joy or contentment.

My eighth grade teacher, Mr. Everette, absolutely loved me.  To this day I can't believe she actually went to the parent-teacher conference.  He made the mistake of bragging on me.  He told her how beautiful I was, how smart and scholarly, that he nominated me to be the first black office aide in the history of the school.

How could I know that she burned with jealousy?  Beautiful "yalla" , "good haired", perfect teeth, big legged, flat butt like a white woman Mathy Jane had failed.  Detesting all authority she messed up bad.  The only thing she succeeded in was bringing babies home for  her  mother to "tend to".

Who knew that she would never be corrected?  That she would never come to know GOD's Truth?  Who knew that she would become a consummate liar?  a voodoo priestess? a MURDERER?

Fourteen year old XXXXX started a band, Black Brew, it toured the state.  She slithered her way into that band and destroyed it.  One son was determined to become a medical doctor and he did.  What she did to him is reserved for my second book.

I went to college, graduated with honors, on time.  How could I know that she truly hated me with a passion?   She is very secretive.  She makes sure to say only the right things to your face.  Strangely, her words never matched her deeds.

"Doster sent you $50 dollars.  I sure needed it.  Thanks, mother" the letter read.  I was a freshman attending NCA&T State University.  I had No money, no clothes, nothing.  Believe me, $50 was a lot of money in 1969.  My tuition was only $1,000 a year and that included tuition, housing and books.

I remember being very angry.   I thought she was just being selfish and ignorant as usual.  I didn't know that it was some premeditated ploy to trick me out of school.  Too wild and wayward to finish college herself she decided the way up was to keep everyone else down, by any means necessary.  Lying, manipulating, "gas lighting" , beating, emotional , sexual and psychological scarring.  Nothing is off limits to Martha, nothing, including witchcraft.  I should say especially witchcraft.  That is her specialty, her true love.

She meant all of her terrible secretive closeted deeds  for bad, GOD meant them for good.  GOD turned all of her premeditated plots, plans and schemes into a blessing for me.

PRAISE THE LORD!