"Angel Dust"

Gil Scott-Heron's sexy croon hit my ear drums first. "Angel Dust" was playing too loudly on my stereo, my key unlocked the door but the steel blot lock was on. I fumbled for the other key and finally gained entry into my apartment.

The place was Diplomat Apartments on Camp Creek Parkway. It was too far from my teaching gig in Sandy Springs. Money prohibited me from finding an apartment in that "golden ghetto".

The year was '77 or '78, I forget. I was "strung out" on Valium. I was one lucky girl. I got all my drugs for free! Men would give me ounces of the best Chronic for the privilege of visiting me and for some unknown reason my mother supplied me with more drugs than I could ever use. I had so much Valium I made it my dinner. Every evening after work I would fix my sustenance, one, sometimes two Valium and a high ball glass of Tankeray gin. It is called a "Salty Dog". That was it. That was my dinner. I was skinny as a rail and the bitch still called me fat.

You couldn't call on me without a gift. I learned that from my mother. No, I was no longer a virgin but I wasn't much more than a tease. Sex has never interested me much. You had to be real fine to stimulate my interest. At least six-foot five with a very masculine physique, chiseled with a firm hard buttock.

I did have a beautiful body. I was stacked. My "mother" used to tell me; "Gul, you built like a brick s***house!" That made me proud. I don't know why. I didn't know how to use it. I didn't know how to exploit my beauty, long luscious hair,pouty lips, big legs. I am finally learning why. Horrible images and memories are starting to creep back into my mind.

GOD had fore warned me. GOD spoke directly to me. I am the one that intellectualized Him away. GOD warned me that he may even hurt me. While I was working hard teaching those very privileged children in Sandy Springs some creep was breaking into my apartment. I am sure that he thought that he had struck gold. There was money "hidden" in the Bible. Bowls of Sterling silver jewelry, wine and liquor and pills, Valium, Librium, Emprium.

What a great day for him,. A comfortable couch to lay up on, drugs and wine, reefer and liquor. The greatest find was my pistol. My .32 H/R pistol loaded with hollow point bullets.

Yea, I was strapped. I used to carry a pistol every where I went. I had a beautiful little leather "holder". It was tres chic. It is only by the Grace of GOD that I never used it. I tried to use it many times. This guy borrowed one hundred and fifty dollars from me one time and was much too tardy paying me back the next month. That's when I bought that pistol in 1974 in Nashville, Tennessee. I remember telling the white salesman that "I had a nigga to kill". We both laughed as I hit every bulls eye in his firing range.

Woman! You know that GOD has always spoken to me. I believe that He has always spoken to you. You've always tried to bargain with GOD to get your way.

You know that you are wrong and you know that your time is up.

Did I get the clairvoyance from you or from my grandmother?

We are both wrong. I am starting to believe that I get it from granddaddy.

Don't worry. Granddaddy totally forgives you and loves you any way. You see that's natural love. That's love the way GOD planned it.

"Love ye one another as I have loved you."