"Growing up black in America"

I was in high school and my English teacher assigned the book "Black Like Me", some book by some white man that tinted himself black and lived as a black person briefly. His book was a best seller. It took a white man pretending to be black to garner any empathy for the plight of blacks in 1960's "white America".

The horrors of racism and discrimination were revealed in a graphic fashion I assume. I don't know because I refused to read the book. I explained to my white teacher that I lived the "black experience" every day of my life and I didn't need any white man to co-sign my pain.

I remember the segregated waiting rooms, "White Only" water fountains, all of the social taboos. Our local paper ,The Fayetteville Observer was segregated. Puny little "Colored Weddings" always followed the beautiful spread reserved for the white high-brow. Even the obituaries were segregated. Every thing concerning the "colored" was small and inadequate. And too many black people said; " Just be glad dey put your black a** in de paper!"

Needless to say America has come a long way. But, I have a story to tell. While America was emerging and growing, while America was healing and inching toward real civilization, I was quietly living a nightmare. I know now that some governmental agency should have come to our rescue. A brutal savage sadist was pretending to mother us.

Can you believe it? A sick savage sadist "lunatic" was "mothering" us. Cool, clever and collected she went to work every day, paid her bills, attended church every Sunday, said the right things most of the time. Most of the time, not all of the time. Expect "her" to do do something "crazy", something bizarre or something slutty pretty often. Sometimes the police were called. There were some acts that forced you into shock. Mainly you just prayed and kept your silence.

Who was I going to tell? Plus, I wasn't "suicidal" enough to tell. Growing up I saw too much blood spilled just for "upsetting" her. I wasn't about to tell.

Make sure you understand. Make sure you don't believe her. I am not going back in the archives, I am not wallowing in the past, as she so vehemently and eloquently claims. I am warning you concerning your future. She is an evil demonic "rootworker" incapable of love, incapable of goodness. Now, you've been warned. Do what you will.

I tried to love her but she is too dangerous. I know, who is stupid enough to trust a known murderer? But, that's it, that's how good she is. That's how charismatic she is. She is so charming she can make you forget how cruel she is. Great at self promotion, even better at making you believe her piss is rain.

GOD turned Saul into Paul. But Saul did not lie his way to Paul. Poor misguided Mathy Jane always believed that she could and should lie and steal her way through life.

Something happened to her, something very bad. What could make anyone carry so much secret hatred? What could make anyone want to destroy their own children?

Twenty-twenty hindsight reveals the "crazy" woman that I loved and revered as my mother was no more than a sick perverted demon. That's what she was and is and the world needs to know.

There needs to be a study. The world needs to know that these kinds of beings exist. There are women, there are mothers, so manipulative, so selfish they commit horrible perversions against their own children , harm our communities, while maintaining a perfect front.

Accept it! I tell myself. It's a fact. She couldn't love you. Maybe she tried. She couldn't tell you "that" truth. She couldn't tell herself. "Deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory."

If I said that "that" sexual attack on her little eight year old body, eight year old undeveloped brain rendered her helpless, would I be excusing her cruelty? Did her "attack" cause her to go wrong? Is that what her daddy always wondered when she shamed him yet again?

Life has taught me that no one should feel superior to anyone for any reason. No, my pain is not the same as your pain. I believe that I, my entire family, have suffered far more pain than most people. The real kicker is for no reason. My "mother" a blind raging savage perverted lunatic, for no reason! She never gained any thing. She just proved that she is in fact as common as the Wade community always said she was.

There is a fact her that can not be ignored. If she was clever enough to commit such heinous crimes over and over, she is intelligent enough to apologize. She did wrong deliberately.

Listen with your eyes, look at their fruit.

As you prepare for this Mother's Day and you are blessed with a good mother please treat her very special. Make a tremendous sacrifice, honor her. If your mother is deceased visit her resting place. Surprise a little orphan child with a gift. Bless someone else.

Be a blessING and be blessed. "Keep yourself up much as you can." Remember, "Apart from Christ you are nothing."

Much Love, Peace and Happiness,
Rachel