"Shut it down"
As a lay psychiatrist, a severely abused survivor of the sickest, longest, sexual, psychological and emotional abuse unknown to mankind. I am forced by a cold callus unfeeling mother and a racist "color struck" world to seek my own healing. When the body or the mind is forced to experience excruciating pain the "mind" will "shut it down".
The Bible concurs, not in the same words. GOD will put blinders on your eyes and He will remove those same blinders when YOU are ready. I am glad I did not understand what was going on with my mother in my youth.
I still find it extremely hard to accept. I did love her. Not only did spoiled, over indulged Mathy Jane refuse to love any one, she fully intended to bludgeon every one that dared to love her. Dare to love Mathy Jane if you wanted to. You were going to reap savage beatings, a broken heart, you would be robbed of every shred of dignity you ever had.
She was the world greatest coward. A baby beater, rapist, torturer. She would curse a small child (me) until white froth spewed from her lying mouth.
A beautiful little red headed, very fair "colored" girl was savagely raped at age 8 and grew into the lowest, sneakiest, abomination the world never knew.
It seems my greatest desire is to warn others. I must attempt to fully dissect the "mind of Mathy Jane" in order to heal properly. In order to fully forgive her.
[Excerpt from THE JR WALTERS CHRONICLES December 11, 2014 All rights reserved.]
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