My poor selfish lying mother could never think beyond herself. Every one, every thing was her tool, her property. Why? Little faith and she said GOD was too slow. My mother claimed she couldn't help it. She would never admit it, but she was one sly sick demented sociopath. A female rapist! How rare is that? Maybe it is not that rare, just that secret. No matter, she wasn't admitting it and she wasn't changing. You better get in line and lie and deny with every one else.
Martha was superior. That was her story, her belief. Yes, she was lazy, had the attention span of a gnat. Yes, she was whorish. Why was she always getting pregnant? That is how carnal she was, how promiscuous she was. Martha was a nymphomaniac. Unfortunately it was a subject too taboo to touch. We all pretended, turned our heads, ignored, played dumb, went blind, could not see.
We all felt the repercussions. Refusing to feed us. Refusing to keep her house clean. Practicing bizarre WITCHCRAFT right out in the open. Cursing for hours and hours, non stop. I now know that was some manifestation of her bi-polar manic depressive personality. One minute she was up about to do something great, phenomenal. Then retreating to failure, "Fuck you muthafucking black ass niggers that destroyed my life, ruined my chances, fuck all you niggers!"
We did well to not get murdered. I do think she poisoned all of us once. I love the fact she loved "Church". Her loving "Church" and playing "Church" saved my life.
No, I don't get it. Why couldn't you do what you pretended to do? Lack of faith, too much pride. "Pride goeth before a fall."
Why do we have black soldiers returning from Iraq killing Policemen? Why do we have so many "crazies" willing to mow down lives?
Why are we raging? Yes, the whole world is raging, is mad, is sadly disappointed. I was sadly disappointed to discover or to finally accept the truth about my mother. Did I know all the time? Was I subconsciously giving her time to change? Was I trying to mother her? To mold her?
Why was Martha always able to say the right thing, but could never do the right thing? Is that faith? Was she afraid to Free fall?
I know I can trust GOD! I have ample proof! I am a walking, talking testimony!
Evil can't win!
I was a small child, around eight years old. We were visiting the family home of our "stepfather", Hawkinsville, Georgia. I'll never forget it. It was as if we had stepped back in "time". My "stepfather's" brothers still lived on plantations as "sharecroppers". They lived in "slave shacks". Used a well, had outhouses, churned butter. It was amazing. We had our "Emmit Till" moment. Yes, we were almost lynched for violating the social code of "yas'suh".
I never ran so fast in my life! To think; some white people threatened to take our very lives for failing to say "yas'suh". We could not say "Yes sir" because being uppity was worse than being disrespectful.
That was a very long time ago. I'm sorry DT and all DT supporters. I can't go back to that bullshit. We have the same Father and can certainly learn how to share the same world.
Praise the LORD!
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