"Be who you are ...

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live your life." are the lyrics to the song we sang together.  "Look up and see your maker."  My "mother's" husband would be one of the featured musicians when Martha wasn't too jealous to include him on "Program".

He would play his electric guitar and sing beautifully sounding just like Sam Cooke.  Was that a moment I was proud of or pretended to be proud of?  I knew what my church didn't know.  I knew what the world did not know.  This man was nasty.  I did not have a word in my vocabulary then.  I was a young child.  I knew this man my "mother" married was nasty.  Yes, I also knew that my own "mother" was nasty.  I just didn't know that she was actually low and common enough to target me!  To cast all of her venomous hatred against me!

How could I know anyone's mother would throw them to the wolves deliberately?  How could I know that I was born to a closet sadist if no one bothered to tell me? 

Who is that stupid? No one. Martha was never that stupid.  She was that wicked.  Let's face it.  Once Martha enjoyed the carnal thrill of  bludgeoning an innocent defenseless puppy to death and enjoying the terrifying fear she wrought as a result , there was no turning back.

That demon Mathy Jane ruled with her primitive slave mind numbing stupidity.  It is not as hard as you think if you birth your own victims.

Martha was bound to grow into the secret demon she became.  It is her pompous  arrogance that still torments me. Laughing at me, taunting me,  knowing full well at eighty-seven years old her death was imminent.  To deliberately, to purposely continue to  curse and mock me , hurt more than the sixty-two years of abuse.

How does a minister of GOD's Gospel approach death cursing GOD? Lying?  It can't be done.  Martha was a demon.  An abomination.  A full fledged viper too cowardly to confess.  Not out of shame or a sense of regret.  Martha died a proud demon.  Proud she had ruined the very lives she lied and said ruined her sorry life.

Martha died angry, foaming at the mouth mad that we had made her do the things she did.  "You duh 'cause of it!"  If you ever said anything slack to Martha she washed your face with it FOREVER!  .  Yes, she would relent and give you some money.  Yes , she would pay your rent or car note but she never let on that she was the real cause of you never having any money.

Martha was a thief.  Yes, she would steal the butter out of a biscuit.  She blamed slavery, the "white man".  Now, that it is all over and done with,  I can clearly see it was Martha.  Those that still uphold her, it is their choice.

Jesus told us to shun the very presence of evil, to know our truth.  Do it your way and suffer.  My season of suffering is over!  It would have been over a lot sooner and a lot better if Martha could have ever been dragged near the vicinity of the truth.  That lying whore was a lying whore!

How are you going to be a pathological liar and preach!?  How are you going to sit up under a pathological liar preaching to you!? 

It is free will.  We all have a cross to bear.  Jesus told us our enemies would be of our own household.  Jesus did not lie.  (He) can not lie. Jesus saves!

Praise the LORD!