Is it possible to be born ...

without a conscious? The ability to love or care for your fellow man, your own flesh and blood?  My "mother" did admit to me that she could not care.  For some reason I could not grasp her sincere honesty then.  For some reason Martha thought that she was cursed, powerless to say no to sin.  "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he."  She did enjoy being a criminal, a swindler, a deceiver.  She blamed her "blind cousin".  His blindness was always referred to, always made a handicap.   I never understood that.  My "mother" did think blindness was the end of the world, something to be ashamed of.  She also thought the same thing about mental illness.

While my cousin  was blind, he was much more.  He was also a swindler and a crook but he had way more morals than Martha.  He loved my granddaddy and my granddaddy loved him, sincerely, I believe that.  I learned a lot from both of them.  Just watching them interact, the old lion and the young lion.  Both extremely witty, extremely charismatic.  While both could not help being controlled by Mathy Jane, neither feared her, ever.

Mathy did interpret their deliberate silence as fear.  It was never fear, it was good manners.  My grandfather was a gentleman.  Closer to the savage ignorance that plagued the newly freed four million human beings after slavery  than most, Jerome Walters  prospered.  Courted my grandmother Rachel properly, married properly with a wedding, loved the LORD.  Jerome Walters did everything right but he was Job.  He was Abraham.   Jerome Walters did his job, he taught us properly, we must do ours.  We must all stand up and break the generational curse brought on us by our own "mother".

We must finally  recognize that we never had a mother.  We had a female terrorist that we were forced to call mother.  A monster that lived eighty-seven years deliberately vexing, lying, destroying, sabotaging just for the sadistic demonic fun of it because she was an imp, a reprobate.  May Martha Jane Walters roast in a burning hell for eternity.

She knew I would finally figure her out with my "slow ass", she also knew that she would be in the ground,  long dead,  before we finally acknowledged how she had swindled us yet again.

There were a lot of things my "mother" could not do.   She could not tell the truth about anything, ever , in eighty-seven years.  Even if the truth was in her favor, Martha would lie out of habit or lie simply because she was an ignorant imp.  Do know Martha avoided learning, a true education,  like the plague.  She would rather  have sex, lie or vex than read a book.  She was a fake intellectual.   It was hilarious.  Mathy  would read the first and last page of a book, cheat, beg for the answers.  Mathy saw no need in a real education that is why she died dumb as a post.  (Memorize one or two big words, just sound smart, these dummies will never know.)  Martha was only interested in being  smarter than the people she enslaved.   But she was an anti-intellectual,  so the day had to come when we "out learned" her.


I am learning, I am seeing.   Help me LORD!    All these racist bigots blatantly mistreating President Obama.  No one calls him President.  Pretending to hold his color against him, obstructionists in Congress, the media, every where.  Brilliant entertainers arousing and exciting the jealousy and envy among the pale and pompous.

The man is fine!   Tall, slim, charismatic.  Dreamy eyes, swagger and BRILLIANT!   I get it.  Lie!  If you can't defeat them.  If you can't stop GOD from blessing them, lie!   Manufacture brilliant lie after brilliant lie!   Find some coons to support your agenda so you don't look racist.  Have two token niggers, sprinkle in a few darkies to give you legitimacy.   Find an "Apple" , a "banana" an "oreo", something red, yellow, black on the outside, white on  the inside.

Use them as bait to lure their fellow fearful,  people that live only for themselves.  People that deliberately sell out the very vehicles that brought them safe passage to easy living.

I am so glad I finally get it.  It was never my color , it was my Shine!

Praise the LORD!