I must say ...

satan and GOD both have a sense of humor.   Some how, only by the Grace of Almighty GOD, we survived one of the lowest forms of human energy that ever existed.  A "Thang" too stealth, too evil, too depraved, to be known.

At 63 I still swoon, get weak in the knees, realizing what a deeply disturbed woman, Martha Jane Walters really was.  And her excuse makes me ashamed. This diabolically evil woman defended her common, incestuous, perverted nature with her skin color!

Martha was never horrified by my accusations as she pretended.  She was outraged by my gall, the nerve to say something, the audacity to complain. She used to brag about the terror she struck in people; "You got enough grit in yo' craw to say sumpin' tuh ME!"

That dirt Mathy collected from graves never gave her any power.  It gave her confidence in her ignorance and cruelty.  She was just as surprised as we were when her "witchcraft" worked.  I was a child and I knew she hated me, could barely tolerate me.  I just pretended, went along with her bullshit in order to survive.

I knew she did not want me to be a majorette for the E.E.Smith Golden Bulls.  Something in my spirit always told me to steer clear of her, to never trust her.  Unfortunately a part of me did desperately want to earn her love, to change her, to soften her, to help keep her on the right track.

I am laughing now because I can finally name that feeling.  While young teenagers, she would come to us seeking advice on her current "relationship'.  She cast us as her equal, complimented us on our wisdom, then did exactly what we advised her not to do.

Martha was always in trouble.  In trouble with some woman for messing with her man,in some serious debt.  She always needed money.  The need for money was always at crisis level with her.  She did not borrow your money and not repay nearly as much as she just took your money.

You were nothing!  Just another black nigger littering up the earth, so give her your money !  Shut the fuck up and give her your money!  She was going to fuck up your "luck", she was going to "chunk " at you, put the greasy eyeball on you.  She was going to keep you broke and begging because that was the only thing that kept her laughing.  That, and getting on the phone lying to her sister/cousin, that she also not so secretly hated.

We accepted her diabolical evil because we were born into it, slowly immersed in "it",  We were trauma bonded, accepted, suffered, accepted, kept the faith, suffered, kept he faith, waited patiently, suffered, waited patiently, suffered some more, just when we were about to totally make our get away, she  teased us with a glimpse of possible genuine remorse.

Always pretending to get better from a "condition" she pretended to "not have",was always mystified by our "accusations", she fell sicker  and sicker, her cold heart waxed colder and colder.  Continued to demand that her phonied up, doctored up, patched up, total fantastical , unmerciful, unrepentant life,  be traded for ours.  After all, we all had to agree, her "fucked-up-ed-ness" did benefit us in the end .  So it was all cool, all forgiven. LIES THIS COMMON ASS ROOT WORKING sATAN'S PERSONAL SLUT TOLD!

It was NOT over by a long shot! This dumb imbecile Kept vexing! Kept troubling! Kept menacing! Had the damn nerve to leave word with her most abused victim; "Our mother is dead. Let her rest in peace."  Notice the language, the Freudian slip. "Let", "let her rest in peace."

Are you saying that she left some things unsaid, undone, dear brother?  You certainly are not asking me to turn GOD's word into a lie along with you?  Surely you are not suggesting that I give up the right for the wrong in order for a known tramp, a derelict, no-count mother, be counted higher than she should?

Please permit me to pull your coat and pick  your little pee brain.  If Martha had ever had the first concern about her reputation, she would have behaved accordingly.  Marthy devised a scam, a scheme where she could have her cake and eat it too.

I was very young, standing on the yard of Wesley Chapel A.M.E.Zion Church, my mother gleefully proclaimed; "I would rather be a big bull frog in a luddle pond,  than a luddle bull frog in a big pond."

Unfortunately in order for Mathy Jane to remain that big bull frog, she did have to become something vile and repugnant.  Something stank nasty that no one wants to know about.  The saddest part of being stubborn, full of pride and mistaking cunning for intelligence and a gift , is we all lose.

We are all broken.  A pile of dry bones.  And for what?


I will NOT!  I am far from satisfied! I know for a fact that she knew better! She was just evil and was bound and determined that she alone could prove satan had more power than GOD.  Bottom line, satan can't win and Martha had the kind of demonic affliction that required her death for relief.

In other words, this is one bitch that had to die to shut her up, to swat down her constant excellent defenses.

Man! What a revelation! Why am I astonished when Jesus told me?