Bite the bullet ...

bite the big one.  All spies, all double agents,  all traitors are instructed to take a poison pill of cyanide. To save a bullet in their gun to kill themselves when caught behind enemy lines.  My mother didn't, refused to so much as pretend to be contrite.  Played coon jam up, grew more and more perfect, braggadocios,  with each passing day.  "They will wax worse …" ; the knowledge that hung in the air, followed me.  "No! Not my mother!"; screamed my unbelief. " We can fix this.  We can look back and laugh."   No such luck.  The dye was cast.  Martha was well past imp.  Abomination is the only word that fit.  2 Timothy is real.  Why don't more preachers preach about it?  Precisely!  How can you preach about, warn others of what you are? My mother was not about to stand up there in the pulpit telling anyone that she was no where near the person she pretended to be.  Worse, Martha knew there were people in that church, in that city that knew as well.  It was "wink,wink", let us imps sick together.  You can't tell on me without revealing yourself.

My evil mother added flames to the fire, laughing at us, at me, finally ridiculing me openly, deliberately letting me know that she was indeed my worse enemy the whole time.  For sixty-two years!  What did she get? The opportunity to be a sadistic imp.  Martha got to steal, rob, rape, destroy, humiliate and never be suspected.  How was that gratifying? It wasn't , it was sadistic.  Martha was sadistic.  So sadistic she murdered her own father and never cared.

Yes, you did scuff me up quite a bit.  Yes, I was as dumb as you claimed but not as whorish, immoral or gay.  Isn't that ironic?  You so savagely and deliberately harmed me sexually, psychologically, emotionally and financially I opted for Chastity, to be a eunuch, some one totally asexual.

I prefer it.  Martha you were a sick beast.  You should have gotten some help or at least stayed off of those graves practicing witchcraft.  Why preach?  Is that how far you were willing to go to look innocent?  You insinuated your rape as a child rendered you the beast you became.  No, it was just the fact that you were a liar.  You were much too envious and you were so dumb you actually thought you were smart.  Yes, you did think that you were smarter than GOD.  That was delusion Martha.  The delusion GOD promises all reprobates.

"Come ye out from among them."

Praise the LORD!