"In all thy getting ...

get understanding."  My grandfather taught me that and he learned it from the book of Proverbs.  Until you understand that you know nothing, can know nothing and must surrender your life to that Higher Power , trust and obey (HIM) only,  you will never win.

GOD does guide.  (HE) does speak to our hearts, our subconscious.  I do believe we all have a sense of right and  wrong.  My mother knew full well when she was guilty of wrong doing,  that is why she was able to hide it so well, so perfectly.  Martha was selfish, carnal and greedy.  She was foul and vulgar.  How can you be saved from your demon laden self  when caught in the very act of fornication , not only do you beat your new husband bloody in front of your small children but you curse that man's soul away knowing full well you were lying.

"YOU LYING SACK OF SHIT!!!"

I was four years old!  The entire event is tattooed on my brain.  We were on Smoke Bomb Hill.  We were a social experiment.  Uncle Sam's newly integrated Army converted the  old barracks into housing and our upstairs apartment was huge and quite a come up from the "country".

I  remember sitting silently in the back seat of this new powder blue Fairlaine Ford.  Doster's arm came flying through the glass window suddenly.  Doster was jet black, impossible to see this jet black night.  His fist sprung out of no where directly into his own  car  window.

I don't remember what happened to the man.  I just remember all of the blood and Doster being purely decimated  by this little yellow "Hulk".  I was four and lost respect for him.  He was the one that was done wrong and he was the one standing there begging and pleading  for forgiveness.  This idiot was confessing to being wrong.

That damn Mathy Jane was such a whore.  She rode up under him doing GOD knows what.  While Martha always claimed to be liberated and free she must have felt extremely guilty to go to such great lengths to hide her true nature.  For some reason my mother always's tried to believe people not knowing was the same as her not doing and the worst thing any one could ever do was remind her of any wrong thing she had ever done.

"Well! ….fuh'git it 'den!"  That was her answer to my rape and molestation.  No Martha, I never agreed that your life was better than mine, that your happiness more important than mine.  No Martha you were never that good of a liar,  nor was your personality such that I could not live without your love.

The full beauty of my once sad saga,  is that everything Mathy Jane did to me, GOD turned around!

Praise the LORD!